What up duders.
In service of Commander Shepards last outing, I've decided to play through the entire trilogy again. Right now, I'm on the first game. And man, that game is just fucking bad.
There's tons of people who claim it's the best game in the series, and to you I say; that's CRAZY TALK. It's easily the worst. And here's a couple of reasons why:
- Looks bad: The game simply has awful graphics. It's bland and boring to look at, and especially the uncharted planets are underwhelming. And don't get me started on the awful texture pop in. Oh well, you did. It's awful.
- Stable frame rate of 12: Okay, so I don't know what the average frame rate for this game is, but it's certainly under 30. It's understandable that it will take a hit in dense combat situations, but it's unforgivable that it barely keeps it together when Shepard and gang are just walking around the Citadel.
- Longest load times ever: This pretty much explains itself. There's awfully long loading times, and it doesn't help when they stack them on top each other, so you might not actually play the game for five minute stretches at a time. And those fucking elevators.
- Grueling checkpointing: This is perhaps the worst part of the entire game. The game has a autosave function, but it uses it so terribly bad. It saves every time you change location in the Citadel, forcing you to wait long stretches at a time, but then figures out it's not a good idea to save before hard boss fights. I fought my way to Benezia, and promptly died, only to realize the last time the game autosaved was over an hour ago, when I first got in the Mako! Unforgivable.
- MAKO: Ugh...
- Plays bad: Simply put, the combat is bad. Really bad. It's boring, slow and uninspired. You don't ever get the feeling you're actually in a firefight, mostly thanks to the toy guns you're using.
- Some awful writing: This was perhaps the thing that shocked me the most, as I remember Mass Effect having solid writing. And for the most part, it's fine. But there are some points in the game where I covered my eyes in shame, it was so bad I got embarrassed. Especially the part where you fight Benezia is awful. She manages to break free of Sovereigns' indoctrination for a while, getting all emotional with Liara. She then suddenly turns around and says: DIE. Literally, she says that. It reminded me of that part in the Mortal Kombat movie when that chick says something like "Too-bad-you...................................Will die!". It strikes again at the end of the fight, with some terrible drama, where she proclaims that they always said there would be a white light, but she doesn't see it. What is this, a soap?
- Busted levelling: The main problem here is that there's too many levels. You get levels for opening a door or looking at your ship. It makes the level up less satisfying, and more like a mandatory skill dump every now and then. It doesn't help that there's simply to many choices, leading to you never really feeling more powerful.
- Busted inventory and loot: Damn these systems are bad. First off, you just get to much loot. And so much of that loot looks fucking ugly. The other problem is of course that cycling through all this loot is made even more boring by creating one of the worst interfaces ever. It's a shame.
As you might see from my name and profile picture, I'm a huge fan of the Mass Effect series. I had such good memories from the first game, so it's a shame to see that it only was memory lane playing tricks on me. Make no mistake, this is not a good game. The only reason I keep playing it, is so I can shape my story exactly how I want to. I guess that speaks to the quality of the characters, which is the only redeeming quality of this game. The broad strokes of the story is also good, again thanks to those characters.
I'm left scratching my head, and wonder what the hell people are thinking when they say ME1 is better than both ME2 and ME3. For me, it's easily the worst. I have a feeling that a lot of people who are saying this, haven't played the game in a long ass time. Or maybe they're just hipsters. Who knows?