• 133 results
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
#1 Edited by tunaburn (1879 posts) -

so ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now. we have lived together for most of that. 
now she has signed up for the army. taken her asvab and phyiscals.
she leaves january 9th and has signed up for 4 years.
basically i can see her during her vacation time which is 30 days a year.
she will be stationed overseas in south korea most likely. (to bad she doesnt play starcraft 2....  ha ha?)
anyways im wondering if you guys think i should break up with her or trust we will stick it out with the visitation? 
im feelin sad so dont be to rough on me with the hateful comments.
 
edit: oh im 25 years old and i cant go with her by marrying her as much as i would like to.
i own a house here and my own business so i cant be leaving it behind.
 
edit 2: and for the people wondering why shes doing it she explained it to me as "she feels she is to smart and has to much to give to not try and do someone good in her life. so she is being an interrogator in the army to get into the CIA"  and i really love her so i want her to be happy and feel fulfilled.
 
i have expressed how much ill miss her but am supporting her all the way because she deserves the best.

#2 Posted by Vinny_Says (5630 posts) -

break it up before she learns how to use an M16

#3 Posted by SuperCycle (330 posts) -

If you love her, stick it out with her.

#4 Posted by JJWeatherman (14485 posts) -

Rough situation, man. I don't think anyone else can really say what you should do, though. If you love her, stay together. If you're not absolutely sure, then maybe talk to her about splitting up if that's what you feel like you need to do.

I hope everything works out for you, man. I really do.

#5 Posted by Rawrnosaurous (768 posts) -

Five years, stick it out with her. 100%

#6 Posted by Gabriel (4050 posts) -

Well she can't fuck anyone in basic training because the put some kind of salt in the food or water that makes you not get boners, so you got like a four week window where your allright.

#7 Posted by MordeaniisChaos (5730 posts) -

Sorry mate. It's always a bummer when that happens. I'm joining the Marines, and my girl of 3 years had already lived through all her life with her father being Special Forces. She couldn't handle being a military spouse/significant other after all that so we split ways. Which I'm fine with, I made it clear to her that I knew how incredibly unfair it is for the other side of the relationship. And I'll be making every effort possible to go on deployments, so there is no way I could have asked her to go through with that. But, if she had, I know it would have meant the fucking world to me and made my commitment to her totally permanent. I'm sure your lady friend will feel the same if you stick by her and support her.

I hope you guys can make it work. Don't break up with her, if you have made it that long, and you love her, it'll work out. It's tough, but you can do it. Thousands of men and women go through exactly the same thing as you, so remember, it can work. 30 days isn't a lot, but it can be enough. Lucky for you, she will probably have decent internet access and phone access.

If you can make it through this, it'll make your relationship that much stronger. If you would gladly marry her and leave your life behind if not for your obligations, I think it's work sticking through the tough times. Just make sure to stay in contact, talk as often as possible, and take advantage of each other's vacation time. Don't give up the last 5 years because the next 4 will be difficult. If this is what she wants to do, support her and love her.

#8 Posted by Maluvin (259 posts) -

Unfortunately only you two know the dynamics of your relationship.  For most people pulling off that kind of long distance relationship doesn't work well without there being big issues.   If she's about your age the fact is you're both reaching a point in your lives where you have to make big decisions as individuals. 
 
I will say that I have seen distance relationships work out well.  My girl and I spent a couple years at a distance with really limited visitation but I eventually moved up with her and we've been together for several years at this point.  It worked for the particular school/work/family/personality factors that we have in our lives but it's not for everyone.
 
I also have to say that if you're already thinking about breaking up it's a strong possibility that's the path you're likely going to go down.  You have some time to still mull it over but just make sure once you've come to a conclusion in your mind that you don't extend things out denying that realization (whether it be to leave or stay together).
 
Sorry to hear you're facing this.  It's not easy.  Good luck.

#9 Posted by Spoonman671 (4371 posts) -

Don't break up because you're expecting it not to work out.  Wait until you're actually in a long-distance relationship before deciding whether or not you can handle a long-distance relationship.  Just chill and go with the flow, and break it off when/if you're no longer happy.
 
In the meantime, get in lots of boning.

#10 Posted by George_Hukas (1317 posts) -

@tunaburn: No reason you shouldn't take a break. It doesn't matter if you have a great relationship. Seeing each other 30 days a year will strain even the strongest relationships. You are too young and life is too short.

#11 Posted by Marz (5608 posts) -

You can make an agreement with her or something, that both of you can date other people, but if you guys still love each other after 4 years then maybe you guys were meant to be together.

#12 Edited by BraveToaster (12590 posts) -
@Gabriel said:

Well she can't fuck anyone in basic training because the put some kind of salt in the food or water that makes you not get boners, so you got like a four week window where your allright.

You mean saltpeter (potassium nitrate), and there's no scientific evidence that it's an anaphrodisiac.
#13 Posted by BoG (5178 posts) -

Your description makes the situation seem so abrupt. It's as if she came home this afternoon, announcing "Hunny, I've enlisted!" I really doubt this is the case. If you are so concerned about your own loneliness, why didn't you speak with her earlier in the process? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say you, as an intelligent person who at 25 must have more relationship experience than I, spoke to her about this. having spoken to her, you won't get in the way of her desires, because you love her. 
Personally, I think it would be low to break up with her if you've discussed it at length in the past. If this is a surprise, ditch the... woman. Call me naive, but I doubt a young lady in South Korea will unfaithful, so you only have yourself to worry about. If you can trust yourself to stay faithful, stick with it. I also believe that this will be a difficult change for her, and getting dumped right before being shipped off to a foreign land would probably suck. She needs all the support she can get right now. 
So, I say keep the relationship going.

Moderator
#14 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -

life aint nuttin' but bitches and moneh

#15 Posted by WilliamRLBaker (4777 posts) -

 get her pregnant that will put the kibosh on army time. 
:P *jk*
#16 Posted by rmanthorp (3694 posts) -

Hope all goes well man, sounds like a rough situation.

Moderator
#17 Posted by TheGreatGuero (9130 posts) -

Get drafted by the South Korean army. It could make for a really great and suspenseful love story.

#18 Posted by James_ex_machina (896 posts) -

Gather your true feelings then stick with her or break it off before she goes.

#19 Posted by Yanngc33 (4496 posts) -

@TheGreatGuero said:

Get drafted by the South Korean army. It could make for a really great and suspenseful love story.

No he should get drafted by the North Korean army! It would be even better!

#20 Posted by Goungling (5 posts) -

Y'know, I can't top anyone's support here, 'nor can I make a better quip than the ones delivered. 
So!  
Just ask her to say my name correctly. She will never get it. And neither will you, or anyone. 
Not even me.

#21 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8698 posts) -

You're with her most of 5 years and now you get cold feet?
 
For shame.

#22 Posted by Fobwashed (1625 posts) -

@tunaburn: My hunny is currently on a work rotation in South Korea. It's been about a year so far and we rotate visiting each other every two months. Korea is pretty damn fun to visit and in a lot of ways, if you're already in a stable relationship, time apart isn't a big deal. Especially with how connected you can be nowadays with phones, internets and everything in between.

As long as you trust her, it should be all good. I'd say stick it out unless something comes up that causes you to break it off down the line. If she cheats, then it was prolly going to happen at some time down the line and she just needed an excuse/opportunity to do so and you can end it. If you're the one that's unfaithful, then like. I dunno man, get out of the relationship and quit being an ass =P Pretty much, why even consider breaking it off unless you're not sure you want to be in the relationship to begin with? Have a hard think about whether you really want to be with her potentially for the rest of your life. You're still young so marriage isn't something you need to seriously think about (or ever for that matter) but you're talkin 4 years of long distance then presumably time afterwards so aside from taxes, you're basically married.

#23 Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG (4307 posts) -

long distance relationships are very complicated.  i am having one at the moment but i feel like i cant continue it any longer or else im going to cheat on her....  as long as you truly love your girl and she loves you back then i would say go ahead.

#24 Posted by StaticFalconar (4849 posts) -
@tunaburn: you know where's she stationed for basic and her MOS?
#25 Posted by ShinjiEx (624 posts) -

INB4 Get back in the kitchen woman!

#26 Posted by whistlebottom (193 posts) -

"Hey, have you broken up with that longtime boyfriend of yours yet?"

"No. I keep trying but he doesn't seem to get it. I'm thinking joining the military and going far away will send the message."

In all seriousness, why do you need to break up now? Just try it out and if you guys can't do it, stop.

#27 Posted by Jeust (10339 posts) -

Stick to her if you love her, still it will be hard.

#28 Posted by dudeglove (7253 posts) -

OP claims to be in a relationship for the past five years. OP is now asking for relationship advice.

Something is amiss here.

#29 Posted by thehexeditor (1404 posts) -

@Gabriel said:

the put some kind of salt in the food or water that makes you not get boners

O_O

#30 Posted by Black_Rose (7785 posts) -

From experience, long-distance relations are extremely hard to keep up. I broke up with my gf two months after she left because I couldn't keep it. Like you, I loved her a lot but I decided to cut it off before it got worse. I missed her, still do but i've seen what happens to couples like that. After all, we're only human, we might feel jealousy, depression and such.  
 
I'm not telling you to break up with her, just think about how you see the future playing out and then make your decision, that's what I did. 

#31 Posted by Brockly46 (645 posts) -

She is a patriot, support her and stop being selfish.

#32 Posted by Intro (1191 posts) -

Wouldn't break up with her unless you don't trust her over there with other people.

#33 Posted by Aetheldod (3338 posts) -

Cant give any better advice than the duders here , outside of if you really ( and I do mean really) lover her then be a man and stick to it , if not you are just waisting your and her time

#34 Posted by UnsolvedParadox (1852 posts) -

@SuperCycle said:

If you love her, stick it out with her.

Agreed; if she wants to stay together, stay together.

#35 Posted by SolidOcelot (310 posts) -

If she did sign up without having a least 1 conversation with you about it, then i dont think thats was going anywhere good anyways

#36 Posted by spudtastic (542 posts) -

I salute her, unless she's signing up with the Iranian army .

#37 Posted by RockinKemosabe (619 posts) -

If you've been with her for 5 years and you do care for her, wait it out. Just make Skyping a regular thing.

#38 Posted by eezo (284 posts) -
@TheGreatGuero said:
Get drafted by the South Korean army. It could make for a really great and suspenseful love story.
that made me lol.
on a serious note, that sux man, i guess do whatever "feels" right?
#39 Posted by TooWalrus (12973 posts) -
@Gabriel

Well she can't fuck anyone in basic training because the put some kind of salt in the food or water that makes you not get boners, so you got like a four week window where your allright.

Yeah... one of my friends in high school was joining the navy- until she got pregnant from her scumbag recruiter.
#40 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -

You need to think long and hard about your priorities, and then you need to have a long talk with her about what you want and how you can make it work.

I don't just mean break up or not, I mean the nitty gritty details:
Clean break up or stay friends?
Never talk again or maybe catch up when she's on leave?

If you stay together, its trickier still:
How much effort (and money) are you willing to put into seeing each other?
Do you swear to remain faithful or do you fall back on don't ask, don't tell style principals?

I have two mates currently serving in Afghanistan, one works in a support field and the other is in the Australian SAS. The first is in a faithful relationship (as far as I know), and they seem ok, albeit it's a challenge. The dude in the SAS I don't know as well, but I do know he's been married five years and they have an agreement that while he is deployed their relationship is open, so long as it is just sex. However I also know they're pretty open-minded sexually, so their example is a little skewed.

Regardless though, you can't make a choice this big without looking at it from every angle.

#41 Edited by ryanwho (12082 posts) -

Women can't serve on the front lines. As long as she isn't deployed she'll never ever be in danger. She's totally gonna fuck a bunch of army dudes though.

#42 Posted by Jumanji (447 posts) -

don't take this the wrong way op but....

there are going to be superiors perving on her 24/7 for the next four years and she will fuck them... she is going to be taking multiple dicks constantly... that's just how it goes down in the armed services, especially with the enlisted. Sorry OP. The military is relationship poison. It destroys most marriages that it touches, marriages with kids and lots of shared assets. That's to say nothing of just "a relationship." So... expect her to fuck a bunch of other guys. Whether she comes clean about it and dumps you is up to her personality, I guess.

#43 Edited by CornBREDX (4456 posts) -

basically you 2 need to sit down and talk about it.

The decision should be given a lot of thought and should be mutual.

Long distance relationships are really hard. You both will need to decide if you can deal with it or not.

@ryanwho: Not to be scary for OP here, but while I was serving, a female ( I feel terrible but I forget her name) was taken POW in Iraq. She was just driving a supply truck, and was in no way part of your standard attacking force (they were delivering KP supplies if I recall).

I wont go into details but she had a terrible experience- one of the worst POW stories in history. A story I will never forget.

It doesn't matter who you are, the military is difficult and deployments are scary. The enemy doesnt care if you are black, white, male, female, tall, short, priest or special forces. They will attack you for their principles and it doesnt matter if you're a guy or a girl. We all got deployed and were all in danger.

Just sayin, her being a female does not make her in any less danger than anyone else in the military. That "not allowed on the front lines so not in danger" BS is untrue. It changes nothing.

#44 Posted by Belonpopo (1823 posts) -
@tunaburn
My Dad went to Korea with the Marine Corp, said it was cold. Hope that helps!
#45 Posted by Revenant86 (156 posts) -
@SolidOcelot said:

If she did sign up without having a least 1 conversation with you about it, then i dont think thats was going anywhere good anyways

 
 
that's exaclty what I was thinking. You've been with her for 5 years and haven't worked this out? Has she talked to you at all about it? What's going on? 
 
 
but my 2 cents is that you should stick it out and try to go ahead with it. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. If you really care about her it's worth a shot.
#46 Posted by tyxja (271 posts) -

This is a tough situation. I'm only 20 and I know I couldn't deal with it. Trust issues and whatnot. I hope you guys pull through.

#47 Posted by RsistncE (4496 posts) -

I would break up with her mostly  because I wouldn't want to be having sex with someone stupid enough to join the military.

#48 Posted by Apparatus_Unearth (3031 posts) -

Stay with her, man.

#49 Posted by TotalEklypse (1000 posts) -
@cide said:

@tunaburn: No reason you shouldn't take a break. It doesn't matter if you have a great relationship. Seeing each other 30 days a year will strain even the strongest relationships. You are too young and life is too short.

This. Long distance is crap. She sure didn't take it into serious thought before she decided to go play soldier.  It isn't worth the hassle.
 
I vote BAIL.
#50 Posted by musclerider (564 posts) -

@RsistncE said:

I would break up with her mostly because I wouldn't want to be having sex with someone stupid enough to join the military.

Troll harder.