The Soccer Thread (Newcastle takeover. For real, this time.)

@shindig: *ba-dum-tish*

In other news, DCU with two straight wins on two straight goals scored at the death of the match, this time off a direct free kick from Luis Silva. Bill Hamid playing out of his fucking mind for that clean sheet and I love it, but I'm also scared because there's a decent chance he could be playing in Europe next year unless DC feels like offering him DP money, and I don't know if they'd do that for a goalkeeper.

More news from Turkey. Now with guns.

Ah, Calciopoli. With the trial of Luciano Moggi clearing him of any involvement of 2006's match-fixing scandal, Juventus are now demanding the two titles they forfeited to be returned to them. Along with 443m Euros.

Meanwhile Turkey's Superlig is suspended following the shooting incident. Understandable.

Sad news for DC United and the USMNT in general: Eddie Johnson likely retiring due to a enlarged heart complication that could kill him if he pushes too hard. The lawyers are currently arguing over how much, if any, compensation EJ and DCU would be entitled to for this tragic incident.

I'm not entirely sure he's due anything beyond possibly paying him the remainder of his contract. He obviously should count himself super lucky as we've had plenty of incidents over the years with on-pitch heart attacks and deaths.

DOS A CERO EN EL ALAMODOME!

Yeah, it was a friendly played on a fake pitch and with both sides bringing their third choices but still DOS A CERO!

I guess I missed these comments first time round but as a Portsmouth I work say yes it is a minor miracle that we are still running. We have relied on a few moderately wealthy local business men and a lot of fans buying shares to keep going. We are finally out of debt and turning a profit if only we could make it out of League 2.

Personally I think the Rangers situation is different, they effectively folded and were allowed to reform. We managed to keep functioning under extremely strict Administrators who made cuts where necessary along the way and it's those cuts that saw us tumble through the divisions.

True. Although you seemed to pass through a torrent of bad benefactors over the space of 12 months. Its nice to see Portsmouth survive with some genuine backing.

Some hot news that's come in this week is that Dortmund's bespectacled visionary Jurgen Klopp has decided to take a sabbatical once this season ends. The flirt with relegation coupled with the fact that they haven't got the talent at their disposal they once had (thanks, Bayern) has taken it's toll on the fella. Naturally the English media immediately link him to Manchester City. A position which is likely to become available in the summer, due to their slump.

Meanwhile, Newcastle fans aim to boycott Sunday's game against Spurs but the impact will be lessened because season tickets already count towards attendance. Still, as it's a TV game they'll get some nice shots of empty seats. Take that, Mike.

Also the first legs of the European Quarter Finals were played. The big highlight being Porto overrunning the Pepmobile to a 3-1 defeat. Hold it together, guys. Meanwhile the Europa League favourites Wolfsburg were completely dominated by Napoli. The idea of a Russian - Ukraine semi-final bloodbath is still on, too.

Lastly, some interesting quotes have come from the CONCACAF representatives ahead of Sepp Blatter's inevitable 100 year reign as Football's overlord. He has been likened to Jesus and Nelson Mandela. At this point I'm wondering if murder's the only thing that will unseat him.

FA Cup semi final weekend, guys. Marred by schedule clashes with the Premier League. Reading host Liverpool as the lowest side left in the competition whilst Arsenal scrap it out with Tim 'Ratio' Sherwood's Aston Villa.

UP THE CHERRIES!!!!!!

Are there any other duder Bournemouth fans? I've been going to watch them play since I was 10 yrs old, back in 1990. I would never have thought we'd make the premier league but the dream has become reality!

I love seeing new teams in the top flight rather than the traditional yo-yo clubs. Newcastle's next game is Leicester. We're not getting another point this season and attendances have slumped. We could well be going down.

Nothing personal, but I really hope Leicester win. To stay up would be a bloody miracle for them.

EDIT: Also very excited that Bournemouth did it. Well deserved!

The traditional yo-yo clubs haven't really seen it that way unsurprisingly. To read reddit etc, you'd think we bought promotion courtesy of a Russian billionaire. Except we have a stadium with a max capacity of 11,700, a back four that have been with us since league one days, and our most expensive player cost us £3m (and we could only afford him after we sold Lewis Grabban to our rivals Norwich).
So it's sour grapes basically.

@james_hayward I might not be a Bournmouth fan (Manchester United, guilty as charged) but I was really happy to see that result last night. Eddie Howe's done an amazing job there and they'll be a refreshing addition to the Premier League.

Hey thanks duder! :) I'm still buzzing from the delirium of it and can barely concentrate at work today. We're premier league.
WE
ARE
PREMIER
LEAGUE

... jesus

The injury bug continues to eat its way through the DC United lineup. As DCU travelled to Vancouver, the starting left back got sick, the starting goalie had a "thigh contusion" and his backup got accidentally taken out by his own defender in the second half. The third-string goalkeeper had to finish the match against the Whitecaps and there were only 4 people on the bench besides him. Even so, DCU somehow managed to win and Espindola is back from his overly-long suspension, so that's a plus, but this is getting ridiculous.

ugh, soccer. The Timbers are awful, we barely have a functional attack without Diego Valeri and our defense is good except for like one time per game where it's not :(

I mean, I suppose that's better than this time last year, but at least last year... the 4-3's and shit were exciting, you know?

also, @james_hayward: congrats! I watched their game the other day and they were great, hope you can keep that going in the prem.

No offence taken. Leicester are odds on favourites to tank us for a reason. Lo and behold Mike Ashley's took offence to a Channel 4 documentary that implies he funnels profits from the club shop to Sports Direct rather than the club coffers. I used to cut him some slack but my patience has ran out with him. Wipe out our debts, by all means but club money is club money. Endorse it or suffer.

Hell in a handbasket I did not expect anything that bad. Leicester deservedly ruined us whilst the team completely imploded. Carver deciding to effectively blame his whole team and imply that Mike Williamson got himself sent off on purpose.

Sunderland and Aston Villa win landing us firmly, firmly in the grim position of a second relegation in five seasons. I'm spent. This club needs a reset. The heart no longer beats and only a fat Sportswear magnate keeps the brain from vegetation. Pull the plug, please.

@animasta: Yup, Valeri needs to come back and jump start the offense or else this season is going to be a long one.

I may be because I'm a Sunderland supporter, but at this point Newcastle have to be favourites to go down, right? Most of the teams around them are in form. Sunderland is the only shaky one, and I think we'll get one win from our remaining games and I can't see Newcastle getting any points at all.

DCU just announced a multi-year extension for Bill Hamid! Apparently this means that even if he does decide to take off for Europe the team gets a big transfer fee in return for his services. Also read that West Bromwich Albion made a few calls about him recently.

I hope Newcastle get relegated just because of how cynically that club is run. Pardew must be laughing his ass off after how he was treated.

The Newcastle fans just need to stop going to games until Ashley is forced out. Yes fans should support their club during tough times, but not when the club itself is blatantly taking the piss out of you and treating you like mugs.

What's going on with Newcastle, is that 8 defeats in a row? Wow. Its not fun to see any team struggle. As for the battle for fourth, Manchester United, Liverpool and Tottenham are all in terrible form right now. Manchester United will grab it because even though they've lost 3 in a row, the other teams have also failed to win their key games.

I'd still be worried, because we've had like one good game offensively since he's been gone, and being that dependant on one person is never good.

(hell, I'm worried about him starting tonight and then getting his shit kicked in by Kah)

@animasta: that's too true. Everyone needs to step up their game.

Also, I'm so glad Kah isn't on the team anymore, he made too many stupid fouls in the penalty area.

The Timbers season summed up in one PK. Had the keeper beat, but off the side bar instead.

Yup. You guys probably need a win but two gutsy draws from your last four will see you through on goal difference. I can see those three coming against Everton.

The problem being that the Premier League throw money at clubs with TV rights and parachute payments. I'm not sure how much attendances really hit the pocket of the owners. Particularly if, as it's been suggested, the club's finances are being funneled to his main venture.

The relegation season of 2010 felt like a culmination of factors that should never have been repeated. Suspicious managerial appointments and some cynical decisions, coupled with the playing staff being past the point of caring. Carver's post-match interview sounded like a man who was all-but handing his resignation in. The only way this could be worse is if we take a leaf out of Blackpool's books and force an abandonment. I guess if relegation is inevitable, that's the next logical step.

@james_hayward: How's this kid Ryan Fraser that plays for Bournemouth? I've never watched Bournemouth play but I got him transferred in FIFA 15 manager mode and he's really good! (in the game at least) :P Hope to see him for real in the PL

He's spent most of the season as second choice on the left to Mark Pugh but but he might displace Pugh next season in the Premiership if he keeps improving at the rate he has been over the last year or two. He's extremely fast, good dribbler, beats player etc. and whips in nice crosses but can also cut in and unleash a decent shot. On the negative side, he's very short (known fondly by fans as Wee Man).

Chelsea confirmed as champions. Pity the top-end of the league wasn't as packed as the bottom.

@james_hayward: That sounds good :) Looking forward to see him play whenever he gets a chance

"Hello all Newcastle United fans,

I don't usually speak publicly too often, but today I feel the responsibility to talk to all of you for several reasons in which you are involved every bit as much as we are as players, staff, directors and every person that works for the club.

Firstly, on behalf of the squad we would like to apologise for the moment we are going through, needless to say that this is not anything intentional. Neither players nor staff would like to be in the position that we are in at the moment. This is something that has happened for many reasons and right now there is no time to look back and correct those mistakes. The time we have left to turn around this situation is short but after the end of the season we will try to learn from the mistakes we made so that we don't have to go through this again.

This is as painful for us as it is for you, because when this team comes onto the pitch we do so with the intention of winning and to defend not just the colours of this club, not just our shirt, but also to represent thousands of fans, the whole city. We do so understanding that a victory at the weekend means a week of joy for this city that breathes, lives and loves football like no other city in England.

Today we are in a delicate situation, one that we have been through before, and it is one of the most uncomfortable situations in the world of football. Uncomfortable because this club doesn't deserve to be in this position, a position that puts its status at risk. And this is what I want to highlight; this is the most important reason for my letter. Players and staff have come together in order to leave all past problems aside and to focus one hundred percent on the three 'Cup Finals' that we have left.

I would like to make a call to all fans today to also leave aside all differences, all different opinions, anything that divides us as people who love this club. On Saturday please come to St James' Park, create a great atmosphere, support the team more than ever, because at the end of the day what matters the most here is Newcastle United football club. Years will pass and so will players, directors, coaches and managers, but what is always going to be there is yourselves, your children, your grandchildren.

I am also a fan and I understand how badly you are hurting, but I think that the best fans are those who are there for their club in the worst of situations. Today we need you more than ever. In these three games we need to be together, we need to be united, to be a family - a family that fights together against adversity, a family that strives to achieve the success that you and this club deserve.

The players are committed to this and if you stay with us, if you join us, we are going to fight together for our black and white family.

Thank you from my heart, your captain

Fabricio Coloccini."

I might go to the West Ham game to see this season out. Interestingly, Steve McClaren has now rejected us a second time. Choosing to stick with Derby for the immediate future. This leaves John Carver as the only candidate for our manager vacancy in the summer.

I don't want Newcastle to go down, they belong in the top league so do their passionate fans, the club just needs a good leader on the field as well as one in the technical area. If they do go down they'll bounce back up I think.

Carver's heading for a metldown.

He's also going on about summoning the spirit of Sir Bobby Robson. Interestingly, some of the players he mentioned about putting themselves up for selection are injured. Although I'd love to see Ronaldo Aarons play again before the season's up.

That point Newcastle got yesterday was a miracle. And I think that West Brom team is the most defensive team I've seen play at St. James'. Four centre backs and three defensive midfielders on the pitch. Two central midfielders playing on the wings. The fact Newcastle STILL conceded against such a defensive team is mindblowing.

Also, if we go down on the last game of the season, I think we'll have another Blackpool on our hands, but on an even bigger scale.

I'm hoping Cisse's got another big goal in him. Nice to see Perez scoring as it looks like Riviere's writing this season off. The QPR game is massive but I'm cautiously optimistic we can sneak the points we need. Even so, West Ham have bottomed out massively so there's always a chance against them. Sunderland v Leicester is crucial, too but we need to do our bit.

If nothing else, these last couple of weeks have given the season a spark. Speaking of Blackpool, Lee Clark got booted yesterday so I'd probably have him down as the next boss if John Carver doesn't stay on. Us conceding against West Brom isn't too shocking when consider they're massive at set plays and we struggle to defend them. Could've been much worse. I think we'll be looking to Spurs to keep Hull below us.

AC Milan's ongoing takeover ...

I don't think they're in a position to refuse but the idea of Milan having someone other than Berlusconi in charge is an odd one. Roma are being ran by Americans so it looks like that's the way the tide is turning. The stupid rich men of Serie A are no longer as rich as they once were.

There's some swell rumours going around that Pep Guardiola will be unveiled as the new Manchester City boss whilst Real Madrid's failure to keep pace with a resurgent Barcelona has placed Carlo Ancelotti's position under threat. I hope Mike Ashley gets their CVs. They'd make fine assistants to BEST COACH IN THE WORLD (tm) John Carver.

Okay, its going to the final day.

• Newcastle v West Ham
• Man Utd v Hull City
  
• Chelsea v Sunderland

After a shocking capitulation at the hands of QPR, Newcastle lie fourth from bottom with 2 points over Hull who, at this point, look favourites to go down. Sunderland may require a point if they get nothing from their game in hand against Arsenal in midweek. Leicester and Aston Villa secured safety this weekend. Hull need to win at all costs. Should they do this, and Newcastle fail to win, the Magpies are down. Should Sunderland fail to get anything and Hull succeed, their inferior goal difference could see them down, should Newcastle take a win against Sam Allardyce's Hammers.

Meanwhile Juventus and Barcelona will meet for the Champions League final. And this summer sees the 2015 Copa America which is to be held in Chile. Awesome international stuff, folks.

lol

Women's World Cup next month also. June 6th - July 5th. Which runs the same time as the Copa America, June 11th - July 4th.

Another great night for Celtic off the field with the support being in great voice - on the park a bore 0-0 draw players already on summer holiday it seems.

Looking forward to next season Delia the manager is building something great with the fans and with the right signings could be great .

And for the casual fans here's one of my favourite fan videos - a games going on when this is happening celebrating the news that rangers were probably (and now have :D ) going out of business

http://youtu.be/ktOZTTeo_Z0

And a popular drifters song from last week 30 mins after the game has ended with fans refusing to leave and police no clue what to do http://youtu.be/qg4AvBrKbHM

Iranian soccer hooligans riot after celebrating. Apparently there were 3 teams in close contest for the top spot in the Persian Gulf Pro League, and one team thought their rivals had fought to a draw and started celebrating. Instead the rival team actually won their own match and leapfrogged over them, and when someone found out, the celebrations turned sour. Allegedly the misinformation was spread by officials (whose? I can't quite tell) in order to prevent riots from happening. Read the whole thing.

Sorry, I had to.

Portland Timbers seem to be holding their own in the MLS but fail to come out in the top standings when it really come down to things! I enjoy watching their games when they're televised on basic cable! They're a great club with potential to pull out some incredible feats!

Edit: Below is so damn hilarious... so Portland XD

Lords, ladies, gents... duders. Sunday will see either Newcastle United or Hull City relegated. Newcastle face their final home fixture against a West Ham side that hasn't trained all week. A side managed by the first managerial casualty of Mike Ashley's tenure at Newcastle. Sam Allardyce doesn't half bear grudges so John Carver's side has to contend with that. Mike Williamson returns from suspension but the crucial thing here is that Newcastle do not need to win or even draw to survive. What matters is how things go at The KC Stadium.

For Hull, the job is simple. Beat Man Utd. Do that and hope Newcastle don't win theirs. Newcastle could draw and, providing Hull win, the Humberside club will survive on goal difference. Of course, we've been here before. In 2009 a geordie manager masterminded a great escape at Newcastle's expense whilst a Newcastle caretaker manager was left crestfallen.

History could repeat itself with Man Utd only having the slimmest of hopes to sneak third place from Arsenal. Speaking of them, their 0-0 draw with Sunderland midweek ensured the Wearside club remains in the top flight. Gutsy stuff combined with an Arsenal side having one of those displays. Amidst all this there's talk of protests at the game similar to the Blackpool response which saw their final game of the season called off.

At 5pm on Sunday, it'll all be over for somebody.

Here's an SB Nation article on the final day. It's a bit erm... desperate.

Also this weekend Borussia Dortmund aim to send Jurgen Klopp off with some silverware. They contest the German Cup against Wolfsburg. Meanwhile Bank Holiday Monday features The Richest Game in Football (tm) as Middlesbrough take on Norwich for a return to the Premiership. Looking forward to that one as Boro are probably the only North-East club ran well with a good string of homegrown talent.

Oh, before I forget, Rangers exile from the Scottish Premier League may soon be over. They resume proceedings with Hibernian with a 2-0 lead after the first leg. No doubt Haris Vuckic will score a billion and then return to Newcastle just in time to snap something important.

AND THEN

A summer of stuff like the Copa America which now features Jamaica. Yes, I'm too used to this being exclusively a South American competition. I forgot it was opened up to the rest of the continent. The Gold Cup is also going on so Mexico will now doubt prioritise that over their Copa America showing. As previously mentioned, The Women's World Cup is taking place in Canada this summer. Two weeks away, in fact.

And the small matter of the FIFA presidency itself. Sepp Blatter versus Prince Ali Somebody. My money's on the corrupt Swiss. And it depresses me.

@shindig: Didn't the other two candidates for FIFA President drop out because they claimed it was pretty much all-but-confirmed they were just there so the association could pretend there was a choice when it was rigged for Blatter all along?

Possibly. I've heard one candidate's just dropped out in attempt not to split the vote against Prince Ali. When you're running an anti-corruption campaign within a corrupt organisation, I don't really know how you can win without actually exposing the corruption to the actual authorities. Otherwise its all, "Hey, Mr. Corrupt. How would you like this organisation not to be corrupt any more? By the way, if I win you'll probably face trial."

You'd need something that actually launches criminal charges against FIFA first.

Take that, you rugby town!

Hull 0-0 Man Utd

Newcastle 2-0 West Ham

Jonas Gutierrez, after the year he's had battling cancer and general insecurity about his place in squad, scores to secure Newcastle's place in the Premier League. Looks like his last appearance for us. Best of luck, Spidermag. Mike Ashley decided to go public for once and give an interview about his intention to stay as chairman 'until they win something'. At full-time the crowd's anger was directed at him.

Meanwhile Liverpool suffer their worst league defeat for 51 years, Leicester finish a comfortable 14th. Glad its all over.

liverpolol

Fair play to Ashley for going public, but I found it all very doublespeak. He contradicted several of the club policies mentioned, particularly the winning a trophy part. I still don't trust the guy.