Hey guys, apropos of nothing and definitely not related to this week’s blog, here are some hour counts for some video games according to my steam library/3DS usage statistics.

• XCOM Enemy Unknown: 59 hours

• Civilization V: 108 hours

• Fire Emblem Awakening: 92 hours

• Pokemon X: 84 hours

• Etrian Odyssey IV: 73 hours

• Persona Q: 42 hours

• The Elder Scrolls V Skyrim: 64 hours

• Bravely Default: 68 hours

• Bound by Flame: 15 hours

• Might and Magic X: 48 hours

• Resident Evil 6: 24 hours

• King’s Bounty Crossworlds: 48 hours

• Thief (reboot): 22 hours

Keep in mind that a lot of those games attained the hour count they did over the course of weeks if not months. Now obviously I can’t count the number of hours I’ve spent playing the likes of any given Heroes of Might and Magic game (except the rather underwhelming Heroes VI, which I clocked in a mere 29 hours into), or any number of older PC or console titles. I’m just throwing these numbers out there to give you a decent idea that yeah, I do like to spend some time playing some games occasionally. Now I’m going to list another number: 112 hours. You may notice that number is bigger than the other numbers. Now I’m going to tell you that number was reached over the course of a little more than 3 weeks. Shock! Horror! What could have done such a thing? Was it the League of Legends? No, I’m an old man now and playing too much League makes my wrist hurt. What about Lightning Returns, you said you were going to play that, right? No, I still haven’t played a ton of Lightning Returns. Alas dear reader, you already know what dark and terrible force has consumed me. They call it… Monster Hunter. It's true. I've fallen into the mouth of Mango.

I have a problem. I have a problem with Monster Hunter, that only writing about it will cure. That, and maybe asking my roommate to hide my copy from me until the weekend so I can actually get around to doing my dang homework and/or playing games that aren’t Monster Hunter. Sure, I could talk about how Icewind Dale: Enhanced Edition actually adds something of value, unlike the enhanced editions of Baldur’s Gate 1 and 2. Sure, I could tell you what I thought of the first episode of Resident Evil Revelations 2, but it was like 2 hours long and I haven’t gotten around to the other episodes yet. It’s all meaningless anyways, I’d argue Crusader Kings II is a much, much scarier game given my attempts at understanding that. Wait, what were we talking about?

Monster Hunter is basically drugs

You remember when Patrick played like 15 hours of Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate and triumphantly declared that he “got” it after doing so? I can’t help but find that to be a little presumptuous now. I’ll admit, I played a little more than that of 3U myself, and yeah, I would have likely played a lot more if had permanent access to the Wii U at my parents’ house, but that’s dipping your toe into a lake. To get all uppity with my computer man elitism, it’s the equivalent of playing XCOM: Enemy Unknown on Normal difficulty once, then declaring that you’re a fan of Turn-Based Strategy games despite XCOM being probably one of the single most approachable titles in the genre. You get the idea, you likely get the appeal, but you have yet to really find the intricacy that makes the enthusiasts go for it in the first place. Me? I’ve descended into the abyss, and yet even with the hour count in the triple digits there’s still a ridiculous amount of content I haven’t seen. I just fought a giant enemy crab for the first time recently. It has a dinosaur skull for its shell and spits water at you while strafing. I killed it with a giant thunder greatsword that I made from murdering a bunch of Khezu, which are basically a cross between a dragon and a lamprey (and also electric). That’s not even getting to the half-dozen other weapons I’ve crafted for use against dozens of other beasts, all so I can carve them up to make better gear to murder more powerful foes. It’s a delirious treadmill of slaughter that only ends when I realize that it’s 2AM and I have work in 6 hours. Not since my freshman addiction to League of Legends have I made so many poor decisions about how to spend my time in the span of only a few weeks. That is both a testament to Monster Hunter’s quality as a game and as an alternative to smack.

Monster Hunter has been compared to the Souls series quite a bit, and for good reason. They both share a love of animation-priority combat systems, initially steep learning curves, heavy memorization elements and dedicated, zealous fanbases. I, quite frankly, don’t think I could have made the jump to enjoying Monster Hunter if not for the Souls series. Dark Souls is also, for whatever mystique has formed around it, a difficult action RPG that rewards patience and has a definitive end. MH is not structured that way, and I think its structure has made me understand why people got addicted to Destiny or like… any given MMO ever made what with the endless grind treadmill and the pleasure centers of the brain. The difference, then, is that I actually like the way Monster Hunter plays. It’s essentially a game that consists almost entirely of boss fights, is decidedly multiplayer-focused (I certainly play it that way) and is about the continual murder of large, ferocious monsters. There are 14 types of weapons in MH4U and they all play significantly different from one another and with the exception of the large, clumsy, support-focused Hunting Horn I’ve enjoyed using them all to some degree. This wouldn’t mean a whole lot if I didn’t also think the monsters were fun to fight. They are similarly distinct (even differently colored variants of the same monster tend to do things differently) and are dynamic and interesting enough that I haven’t gotten bored of fighting any of them yet. To be fair, there are also A LOT of monsters, what with the whole 10 years worth of franchise to draw from, and the craziest part is that even at my current hour count I figure I’ve only seen like half of them. Even the writing, which is for all intents and purposes filler, is surprisingly clever.

There is a lot of game in Monster Hunter to support itself. It’s a pity then, that the parts of the game that are not the parts where you are killing some sort of giant dragon thing are lame and not great. I’d imagine a lot of it is just a consequence of series baggage weighing things down, but going on gathering quests to find one rare drop bug or type of ore is tedious at best, a waste of time at worst. I can say similar things in regards to rare monster materials, though other than the time I hunted Pink Rathians for 2-3 days just so I could get a dang ruby to get better armor I haven’t experienced a ton of that thankfully. There’s also the part where, even though it explains itself and eases the player in better than 3 ultimate did, you’re still going to need a wiki handy to know what drops where, weapon upgrade trees and even certain concepts like affinity (critical chance, for the record). If Dark Souls got off on not telling you a whole lot then this game is sort of restricted by it. While you can certainly discover the nuances of the weapons and the monsters by yourself, there’s no excuse for not telling me what any given armor skill actually does unless I have enough points for it to tell me, nor do I really want to skim a guide to know where I can find “Fuicum Ore”. I also think the way levels are structured can be a little weird, I could do with absolutely zero delivery/gather quests, I think the mounting minigame is piss-easy and I wish the single-player stuff was more interesting. None of this stuff has been enough to really turn me off from Monster Hunter, obviously, but lest you think I am showering this game too much with my praises it’s not perfect and it’s certainly not for everyone. Unfortunately, until Brad Muir stops making turn-based XCOM/Fire Emblem wannabes and goes back to making Brazen a reality, I’m not sure if you can have a game like Monster Hunter without the caveat of some of the surrounding mechanics being archaic in a bad way. Well, I guess you could also play Dragon’s Dogma, but that actually plays like a normal action game. You should play Dragon’s Dogma regardless.

Based on the ridiculous amount of time sunk into it, you’d think I’d be tired of Monster Hunter. Not so. Not so, to the point where I’m forcing myself to not play it until the weekend because holy shit I’ve played way too much Monster Hunter. I guess I have to play that copy of Majora’s Mask I touched like once, maybe try to finish Persona Q even though I sorta hate the 4th labyrinth. Heck, I’m good for whatever until Pillars of Eternity comes out later this month. Maybe I’ll just do homework and go to bed before midnight. Maybe.

And here, as a bonus, are what I think of each weapon type: