I am okay.

I am not going to make this very long because it isn't something that needs to be. I am not trying to make it a big deal. But I would like to first say that I feel a lot of shame. Some shame for involving other people in it, but a lot of shame and a lot of guilt for even considering what I was doing. It isn't the first time I've tried, but it is the first time I've felt so stupid about it. I apologize for presenting myself as an attention whore. It is not what I wanted, I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted somebody in the world to hear what I thought were going to be my final, rambling thoughts.

But, I just want to say thank you. You, the person reading this, individually, for making this website one of the best I've ever been a part of, and Giantbomb, as a concept, and as the website. The girl I mentioned before is in California right now visiting her sick father and she saw my post almost the minute it went up. She got all of my housemates together who then stopped me mid act, got my friends to drive up to see me, some several states away, to remind me that the world is much larger than the room that I nearly did something incredibly selfish in, and all I had to do was reach out for help, not regress inward and let those dark feelings overwhelm me. I don't feel happy, and I don't think I will for a while, but it's a positive thing that I'm even still feeling.

So, in a way, Giantbomb saved me. Without a place like this, I would not have told a single soul.

To anybody reading this who might be feeling the same way I did, present or future: Don't be an idiot. They say vodka mixes with anything, but thirty-four prescription strength painkillers was not what they had in mind when they said it. Try orange juice. And just talk to somebody. Even if it's to tell them you're about to do it. Just having somebody else know what you're doing might mean the difference between making a memory and being all out of quarters.

144 Comments
144 Comments
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Posted by Demoskinos

Lets get some positive music in here.

Posted by CollegeGuyMike

@demoskinos: My contribution for some positive music!

Posted by Video_Game_King

Lets get some positive music in here.

I thought that's what I was doing :|.

Edited by Demoskinos

@demoskinos said:

Lets get some positive music in here.

I thought that's what I was doing :|.

Just adding to it. =D

Edited by Winternet
Posted by phantomzxro

@artemesia: Glad you are OK and you don't have to be sorry on our behalf, that is what a community is for. Just get help and make that support group outside the internet and know that the giant bomb community is here to listen.

Posted by Video_Game_King
Posted by bobafettjm

I am happy to hear that you are alright!

Edited by Winternet

@video_game_king: I was just kidding. Partially. The song is too moody and too anime-esque for it to be considered an uplifting music.

Edited by fisk0
Posted by ShockD

Congrats man. Never give up.

Edited by HisDudeness

Congratulations, it must be brutally hard for you right now, and the mere fact that you changed your mind about your decision demonstrates that you can actually overcome this.

Posted by bombedyermom

Fuck yeah, duder. Glad to hear it. Now go make something of it!

Posted by eccentrix

Yay! We're all glad you're okay.

Edited by MethodMan008

Very glad to hear that.

Posted by PeasantAbuse

Very glad to see this, I didn't post in your other thread but I was thinking about it all day yesterday. Hang in there.

Edited by Hailinel

Thank goodness. I would have posted in the previous thread if it hadn't been locked, but it's great to know that you're still with us!

Edited by LaszloKovacs

Glad to hear it. I didn't get to post in the other thread, but I worried about it today.

Lots of people (even some of us) have been there, too, duder. You're not alone. It gets better and you can hang on until it does.

Posted by GunslingerPanda

I feel highly relieved.

Edited by PillClinton

Good, very good indeed. GB's story and community just got stronger. <> <3

Edited by Hockeymask27

Keep on trucking duder.

Posted by iam3green

glad to read that.

Posted by FancySoapsMan

Glad to see you changed your mind.

And I honestly wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Posted by SpartanAmbrose

Wonderful news! Stay strong, duder!

Edited by xdaknightx69

glad you are alright!

i have been there and unfortunately went through with it, don't know how i survived but I'm glad i did, just take it 1 day at a time.

Edited by expensiveham

Hey man, good to hear. Got worried after reading your last thread.

Edited by MarkWahlberg

Posted by GaspoweR

Keep going duder or dudette (not sure so I apologize). As long as you are alive you can always change the course of your life.

Edited by Nonused

This made my day. Good to see you're back, Artemesia.

Edited by TrafalgarLaw

If I lived on the same continent, I'd help you become a doctor if you truly feel like it is your calling.

I know it's an intangible concept and a poor argument that some people have it worse but working in the field of medicine, I've seen many people with debilitating conditions have different takes on life and none of them give up on it. I hope that you will truly come across a reason to truly cherish life, we all have our ups & downs but to put things in perspective...you have friends, a family, a shelter and food every day...that is a succes in itself. You have a whole life ahead of you to change everything for the better.

Edited by ArtelinaRose

I woke up and had a really goofy drunken post all typed up in here. I contemplated posting it in its unedited form just because it was so dumb, but I decided not to. But I had typed up that I apologize, again, for causing trouble. I haven't been saying much recently, online or off, because I've been spending most of my time just going through all of the posts and private messages I got just feeling guilty that I got so many strangers involved in my own personal mess. But also feeling incredibly happy and satisfied with the end result because it makes me feel like I have the entirety of the internet at my back telling me to do my best, regardless of the circumstances that surround my every day life, or my far future. At least, the entirety of the internet that matters.

Now I just want to move past this and get back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Posted by Meepasaurus

@artemesia: I'm sorry that I missed your post yesterday, but I'm glad you're still here. All the best.

Edited by zFUBARz

@artemesia Never saw the original context of this, but I guess I can figure out the details. Good on you duder, it's a big ol world out there with lots of fun to be had, and not nearly enough time to see it all, keep on keeping on.

Real talk time though, This is actually what I do, if you ever feel the need to talk to somebody feel free to send a PM, If I can't help I can probably help you find people in your area that can.

Posted by Wrighteous86
Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG

I read your post but I never got a chance to post my condolences. However, I definitely kept you in my thoughts since yesterday and Im relieved that youre still here!

Edited by Poppduder

@artemesia: Luv you <3 I've been where you're at. Just know it'll get better. Positive thoughts go a long way (I know that sounds trite, and can be very difficult, just try to remain positive and focus on the good things)

Posted by Video_Game_King

@wrighteous86:

Seriously? High School Musical? I'm gonna post this to balance out the High School Musical:

Hard not to smile to this shit.

Edited by MocBucket62

I'm glad to hear that you're fine! If you need any help, always contact one of us hear at the GB community to help you out with your troubles.

Edited by zFUBARz
Posted by mowcrosoft

Glad to here you're alright. And you call yourself stupid but are a far better writer than I could ever hope to be. Maybe that could be a source of income even!

Posted by dungbootle
Posted by chilipeppersman

hey man, I did the same thing. Lived on my own for a year and medicated myself on pot after coming home from work every single day.....and saw no one. My therapist said everything I was doing was ok and I had nothing to worry about. It wasnt until I moved back into my parents house and stepped away from pot for awhile to realize how fucked in the head I am....I go to talk group like once a month now and im staying active, but its still hard. I still have bouts of anti social behavior where I completely shut out the world, but I have a new therapist who recognizes this....There was even some points where I called trusted family members and felt suicidal. I think the key is realizing the world is bigger than your head, but its a hard thing to grasp.

But I have met some ppl in my talk group, and im meeting new people through them. trying to be a good, honest person every day. Ive realized that you have to ride life out and see where it takes you, but more than anything.....being open minded has helped me the most. Listening to people and not judging them can make a big difference. I learned that the hard way, but thats how Ive learned everything in my life...the hard way. So if I can keep going, so can you. Keep at it buddy. Keep it as real as you can. :)

Posted by Tireyo

Well, glad you're doing well... though I don't really know much about of what happened... as I didn't read the last post that you're talking about. I've too found that talking to some people here has helped a lot, but there are a few things that I have said and done that I very much regret. Learned a tough lesson though, and I don't intend to make another mistake again. May explain why I'm a bit of a recluse nowadays. Wish I didn't have to hold it all in, but it's for the best. Hate being alone again, but such as life.

Anyways, good luck to you.

Edited by Azteck

<3 Hang in there