I am okay.

I am not going to make this very long because it isn't something that needs to be. I am not trying to make it a big deal. But I would like to first say that I feel a lot of shame. Some shame for involving other people in it, but a lot of shame and a lot of guilt for even considering what I was doing. It isn't the first time I've tried, but it is the first time I've felt so stupid about it. I apologize for presenting myself as an attention whore. It is not what I wanted, I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted somebody in the world to hear what I thought were going to be my final, rambling thoughts.

But, I just want to say thank you. You, the person reading this, individually, for making this website one of the best I've ever been a part of, and Giantbomb, as a concept, and as the website. The girl I mentioned before is in California right now visiting her sick father and she saw my post almost the minute it went up. She got all of my housemates together who then stopped me mid act, got my friends to drive up to see me, some several states away, to remind me that the world is much larger than the room that I nearly did something incredibly selfish in, and all I had to do was reach out for help, not regress inward and let those dark feelings overwhelm me. I don't feel happy, and I don't think I will for a while, but it's a positive thing that I'm even still feeling.

So, in a way, Giantbomb saved me. Without a place like this, I would not have told a single soul.

To anybody reading this who might be feeling the same way I did, present or future: Don't be an idiot. They say vodka mixes with anything, but thirty-four prescription strength painkillers was not what they had in mind when they said it. Try orange juice. And just talk to somebody. Even if it's to tell them you're about to do it. Just having somebody else know what you're doing might mean the difference between making a memory and being all out of quarters.

144 Comments
144 Comments
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Posted by ShaggE

Almost didn't check the forums this morning. Glad I did. :)

Posted by Fattony12000
Posted by aurahack
Posted by Pepsiman
Posted by SMTDante89

So very, very glad to hear this.

Posted by guiseppe

Glad to hear it! :).

Posted by NekuSakuraba

I'm so glad to hear it, I was worried about you. Just remember that the feelings will pass and Giantbomb is always here for you. :3

Posted by Tearhead

Awesome! I didn't post on the original thread, but I thought about you all day, and followed you to make sure you were OK.

Edited by Wrighteous86

Thank god. I'm glad things are okay for now. You weren't an attention whore, you were someone that needed people to listen and be there for you. There's a difference. We'll all be here if you ever need that again, too. That's the whole point of a community. We're all in this together.

I'm sorry my posts weren't very heartfelt and basically amounted to asking the staff to reach out, but I was in work when @duskvamp told me about your thread so I was unable to pour my heart out. Gimme a rain check, and whenever you want one of my rambling emotional speeches, you got it, anytime.

Posted by pyromagnestir

:)

Edited by SexyToad

I'm glad you're okay. I saw your thread yesterday, but I was unable to post due to it being locked.

Posted by Marcsman

Good for you man

Posted by Aronleon

Phew... man Im glad you are ok, couldn't post on the blog but trust me we were all really worried, I know this ist much coming from just a random dude on the internet that you never meat before but Im happy you are not dead, and like others said will be here if you ever need to get something out of your chest.

Posted by Cyrus_Saren

Glad to hear you're doing okay.

Posted by gogosox82

yay :) I'm so glad you didn't do this. Just remember, it never hurts to reach out to people, even on a forum just to vent some frustrating with the way things are going. Don't worry about asking for help either. We all need help from others. I know just some dude on the internet but if you need to talk just pm and I'll help in any way I can.

Posted by pyromagnestir

I'm so happy to hear this I'm going to post in here again! And this time I'll @ my happiness to you @artemesia

:)

Edited by Nev

Relieved to hear you're okay. I kept checking the forums yesterday hoping to see some sort of news of any sort, and I'm stoked this ended relatively well.

As other folks have said, the commnity is here for you, duder.

Posted by FlipperDesert

Glad to hear you're okay. :) I don't post on the forums much (I avoid them unless I want to read people complaining about SimCity,) but I caught the post yesterday and it's been in my thoughts since.

We all have low points in life, so don't be ashamed. Pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off and remember that a lot of problems can be dealt with by just talking it out. Never be afraid to talk, your friends sound like they want to help and if you can confront your problems you're ahead of the curve.

Posted by Cathryn

I am so happy to see this! I didn't see your post until late last night -- I was worried sick and thought it was too late. I'm thrilled that you're all right!

Posted by Ducksworth

Relieved and happy to hear this. We got your back.

http://i.imgur.com/gWTB6SM.gif

I'm also going to spam the link I posted again because I think everyone should give it a shot.

Edited by Blu3V3nom07

I'm just glad to hear you're okay. \o/

Posted by theguy

Edited by Guided_By_Tigers

Glad you're okay bud.

Posted by Video_Game_King

Posted by InternetCrab

Good to hear, it will get better, that I can promise!

Edited by MariachiMacabre

@artemesia Fuck yeah! This was weighing heavy on my mind all day yesterday. Really happy you decided to stay. Here, I made (Didn't make. Found on Youtube) this for you.

And as others have said, do some good for yourself. See someone. Hell, blog your ass off. Writing things down is what I do for my depression. But do something. We may be a bunch of idiots on this site but we're a bunch of idiot who stick together in a crisis.

P.S. I just wanted to also say I was dreading the worst this morning and didn't want to see the forums but I'm really glad I did. And again, thanks for staying with us.

Edited by Jeust

@artemesia said:

When I woke up this afternoon and found I had seventy(!!?!) private messages and a couple personal emails I started crying. It seems so matter of course when they come in one at a time, but to see so many in one place and people trying to contact me directly outside of the website, people that I deeply respect and look up to... I was just overwhelmed. I am sorry for causing trouble.

Don't be sorry. Everyone needs help from time to time. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm always ready to hear. :)

I hope you are better now.

Posted by LordAndrew

It's good to hear that you're okay.

Edited by BaneFireLord

Oh, thank goodness.

Posted by nail1080

Well done for asking for help, even if it was through a videogame website. It was a brave and sensible thing to do, as it saved your life. Glad you're still trucking, gg :)

Posted by JasonR86

@artemesia:

Well I'm really happy to hear it. If you need to talk don't be afraid to talk to any one of us.

Posted by StarFoxA

I got super pumped up while I was reading this in class! I'm so so SO happy that you're okay, and I hope you're doing better now. Keep fighting the good fight.

Posted by NakAttack

Thank god

Posted by zoozilla

I didn't post in your previous thread, but like many others I was really worried that it could be the last thing you ever posted.

I'm really, really glad that wasn't the case. Everyone goes through hard times, but remember that the world is a better place with you than without you.

Posted by Phatmac

Glad to see that you're okay. :) Please be safe and don't try to kill yourself. If you ever need to talk to someone just let me know. Stay strong Duder.

Edited by AssInAss

I'm so happy you're doing better, talking to someone/anyone is really the first big step to get out of depression.

Edited by CollegeGuyMike

I'm so glad to hear that you made it through. I didn't post in your other blog, but much like many others here it was something I had on my mind all day.

Posted by Gamer_152

@artemesia: Very glad to hear you're okay, I thought there was a fair chance you weren't coming back. You don't need to apologise and you weren't being an "attention whore" when you posted that first thread, whenever anyone goes where you went, they don't think straight. Judging by your post here I think you know this, but asking for help and reaching out to other people is the most important thing you can do in a situation like yours. Have a good one.

Moderator
Posted by laserbolts

Suicide is super lame so its good to know you didnt do that. Ive been there for different reasons so I know how you feel. If you ever need support then dont hesitate. Cheers.

Posted by Ravenlight

Right on, duder.

#teamreal

Posted by Jams

@artemesia My stomach twisted and then I felt relief when I saw this topic in the forums. Like everyone else I was worried and upset that you might be actually doing it. I'm glad that you had a change of heart. If you ever think about doing this again, know that there'll be tons of people out there sick to their stomach in worry about you. We might not be able to see you in person, but all of us in the Giant Bomb community still care; we care a whole lot. So do what you need and get yourself some help.

Don't forget that we have the rest of eternity to be dead. We probably only get this one chance to be alive. Now's the time to enjoy anything and everything in the world. There's always something to enjoy in the life, we just need to find it.

Posted by dudeglove

Good to hear it OP, and nicely done, GB community.

Edited by stryker1121

@artemesia: I did not see the original thread, but I'm very glad to see that you have friends and loved ones who are supporting you through this. Maybe that's the most important thing to come out of this -- knowing you are not alone and you have people who love you.

Posted by kidman

That's a good news. Thanks for letting us know.

Posted by ienkub

woho! this was the best news i've had all day! glad to see you're okay and getting support. don't hesitate to reach out again!

Edited by Mustachio

Edited by ArbitraryWater

Good to know! This was in the back of my mind all day yesterday and I'm glad you're safe, for as glad as a random person on the internet can be.

Edited by Pr1mus

This is great news.

Edited by Slag

@artemesia

Thank you for letting us know and more importantly thank you for posting your intent before. I'm very glad you did, I think we all are. If you hadn't done that, no one would have been able to help you. As it was by the time I saw your thread it had already been locked.

There are caring people out there, all you ever need to do is ask and generally someone will help you. Your female friend and your housemates I hope showed you that.

Going forward you'll likely need to make some life changes to find your happiness again, but don't lose hope it can be done. and you can do it.

Right now I think you should stay where you are as it sounds like your roommates really helped you and will hopefully help you keep you safe in this phase, but in the longer run I think you may need to change your environment to something less stressful for yourself if you can. You've been through a lot in recent years from the sounds of things and feeling pretty low and frustrated especially when money is tight. You don't need to feel shame about it as that can happen to anybody.

If you can change your situation, I think you'll feel better about yourself. And trust me kid , someone as well written as you has definitely not maxxed out your potential, you've got a lot of upside ahead of you.

Just hang in there, You will get through this.

Posted by zenmastah

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