Poor Decisions

Sometimes I make some pretty big mistakes, Like that time I bought Dark Void and tried to convince myself over the next few days that it was actually good.Other times my childish brain decides for me... for instance some time last week I was playing the brilliantly brilliant Sonic Generations and got to the Shadow boss stage where I was met with some mid 90s saturday morning cartoon sounding Shadow theme. It went like "shadooooooowwww, he's the coolest, he's a hedgehog and heeees black and red n' stuff"* with some grrr metal behind it. It was the greatest/worst/greatest/worst/greatest song I had ever heard so I hopped onto amazon marketplace to get what I initially thought was the greatest deal of the decade... Shadow the Hedgehog for 45p.

This was quite possibly one of the biggest gaming mistakes I had ever made. It turns out that Shadow rivals Ecco as Sega's biggest douchebag. Not only does he think an SMG is like a pump action shotgun but he's a whiney piece of shit thats all "who am I?" until hes snorting ground up chaos emeralds off some furry prostitutes tail at the end of the stage where he thinks hes the shit and other edgy terms that may or may not be out of date. AND he still manages to make friends with Charmy the Bee and Fuckface the Marmoset.

45p was too much money for this shit. I was going to do an extensive write up on all of the worst Sonic games, but this soured all interest in a matter of minutes. I played the game for 3 hours straight and I can only imagine the nightmares i'd get from Sonic 06.

Instead here are some photos of the games journey from the Xbox to the bin!

Here is a picture of the game in my 360 only posted so I can show off my Super Sonic avatar costume.
Here is a picture I took trying to be clever and get the game box and my avatar in... It didn't work.
Here is where the game now lives, In a bin in my kitchen...fuck this game.

* These lyrics may possibly be made up.

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2010TOP10!

 I like games, here is a list, It is written badly... sorry.
  

 Notable games that are missing 


  
I played an imported Bayonetta last year, I placed it at #4 in 2009. I did re-buy the game for the 360 (for a toy gun) and an incredible game was made far more incredible with a smooth framerate and menus that don't take a year to open. Bayonetta is one of the finest games ever made... you should probably play it.  Also missing is Heavy Rain, this was at the top of my list for the majority of the year and it truly is an experience like no other. I have thought long and hard about talking about the game but  Theres a ton of highly personal things attached to it for me and I cannot bring myself to really talk about the game detail... if you have a PS3 you should probably play it. Super Street Fighter IV. I put about 600ish hours into vanilla  and just burnt out on the game. I played it so much that by the time Super came around I just couldn't be bothered to learn to fight against the new characters with so many other games coming out. Super is an amazing game, just one I cannot bring myself to play. If you like fighting games... you should probably play it.
 

1. Red Dead Redemption


  
 
 Unknown to him  a bear torrent had opened up behind him.


Ten hours in and i'm hunting a deer, for no reason in particular but I know one thing... That deer needs to die! Once I have finished up skinning my prey I come across some Mexicans about to execute someone on their knees, are they good? bad? who knows? I think I'm doing the right thing when I go into Matrix slo-mo bullet time and shoot all of the dudes with guns in the face. It turns out this was a negative action but that doesn't matter as I can just trot on by on my horse (that  occasionally just flies off into space or gets consumed by a piece of scenery) as someone whistles away on the soundtrack and the sun is setting like a perfect scene in one of your favourite westerns. And that's why I love this game, Red Dead Redemption nails the atmosphere perfectly. A game that does exactly what it sets out to do and that is to redeem John Marston of his criminal past.  Now the end missions are a love/hate kind of thing but personally  I cannot understand how anyone could be put off by a set of missions that show exactly why John would do all of the terrible things throughout the game. John does it all for love, his son, his wife, he just wants to be left in peace but the law will not allow him to go unpunished. The first big ending of the game is how you would expect a western to end, the hero going out in one last blaze of glory and what a beautiful ending, one of the finest endings for any  game in my opinion. I thought the game was brilliant while I was playing it but the ending  knocked it up a notch to stunning. From the moment John gets off of a train to the loud gunshots of revenge I was completely consumed by this world and it's brilliant characters. By far the best game I played all year.
 

2. Mass Effect 2 


 

 I totally has space sex with an alien dude... it was awesome.


Everything about Mass Effect 2 is better, the characters, the action, the setpieces. The opening sequence is amazing and everything leading up to the suicide mission is terribly exiting. I played through Mass Effect about seven times but in one playthrough of this I feel like I have far more of a connection to my squad than ever before. I dont want any of them to die... even the shit ones (Jack). Thane, one of the most beautifully written characters I have ever encountered in a game and my imported female shepard are sitting in a tree k.i.s.s.i.n.g. Mordin is around to  make some weird jokes about science and Grunt is stomping about insulting everyone for being weak. I don't really know how to say what I want to about this game other than space is awesome and  Mass Effects world is so rich and complete, and with the amazing DLC being released only gets better and better. I cannot wait for the conclusion of this story, Shepards story... MY Shepards story.
 

3. Pac-Man Championship Edition DX


  

 bopbopbopbopbobpobpobpobpobpbbpbpbopbobbobpbobbopbpbpbpbppbpbpbppb!!!

Iameatingsoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomanyghostssssssssssssssssssssssss
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<3<3<3<3!!!!!!!!!!!!!Iaintafraidofnoghostrain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GHOSTCOMBOOOOOOOOOO...
 
 

4. Super Meat Boy

This is a big meat-man trying to kill a little meat-man... Meat is pretty good.   

   

There was a point in late October when everyone was talking about how addictive, frustrating and fun this game was with it's fancy, sorta retro-modern soundtrack  so I played the demo, died a few times and said "All of you people are fucking idiots" quit and deleted it. Almost a couple of months later it's like 5am and i'm sitting bored, it just so happens that my bank details are stored inside the 360 and I need something to help me with my  horrible insomniac ways. I'm thinking about Prototype... £15 for prototype is  FAR too much..what else can I get... Super Meat Boy... He looks cute... That'll tide me over til tommorow. Six hours later and i'm still playing Meat Boy! I know what to do, I can do it, I did it before..want.more.bandages!!!! I have fallen in LOVE with Super Meat Boy! The game brilliantly forces you on with its brilliant lack of loading times and perfect control over jumps. Things that initially seem impossible become a breeze after a few minutes and if you can't do something, Try something else. So much freedom and very little to be annoyed by. I hear a lot of people say they swear a lot at the game but Meat Boy keeps me relatively calm. I get far more angry at other games  for being beaten by bullshit game mechanics  and other than  the Final  boss level (the one I am stuck on) I have never  felt like anything was at fault other than myself. That's pretty good going, 172 levels completed  so far and only one real misstep. I <3 Meat Boy as a character and the Chad boss outro is  so incredibly funny that i'm willing to forgive it completely. 
 
The music is also brilliant.
 
 

5. Vanquish.


  
 
 SMOKE BUTTON!!!!!!


There was this one moment where I rocket-leg boosted through a giant bipedal robots legs blasting away at its obligatory big yellow weak spots when I suddenly jumped to the side doing this cool anime-esque pose in slow-mo and shot a commie robot in the face,  whipped around and immediately rocket boost kicked another robot in the face. It was the moment that Vanquish clicked. This moment was relatively late in the game, I knew I liked it but Vanquish is a game that goes so fast that my appreciation of it couldn't catch up with it's blistering speed and style. A very Japanese game made  for the west  and doing everything it sets out to do almost perfectly. Vanquishes beauty isn't revealed until you play it in different ways. It can be played as a standard third person, cover based shooter similar to Gears (The wrong way) or speed around the arenas with tight as hell controls  getting up close and personal and dispatching enemies in slo-mo assisted style. (The right way) It's definitely not about the story and it's pretty short (Not as short as some would say) but there is no filler here, just a pure shot of wonderfully designed fun and definitely deserves to be played by more people.
 
It also features an NPC shouting" Dosvidanya bitches" whilst shooting robots in the face.
 

6. Castlevania: Lords of Shadow


  
 
 press X  two or three  times then pull the left trigger... works every time.


I like Platform games a lot but they seem to be a dying breed. Not the retro styled games like Meat Boy or Limbo but fully 3D platformers and if Castlevania is the closest i'm getting whilst I wait for a new Ratchet game then I sure as hell am gonna take it. That seems like a weird place to start when talking about a game like Castlevania as the first impression most if not all are going to get is that it's some kind of God of War clone, and that comparison only really fits to some degree. The moments that stuck with me far beyond the mostly slash-slash-roll combat are those when i'm leaping from platforms, swinging from my chain and shimmying across crumbling rocks, all whilst constantly being stunned by the beautiful  landscapes accompanied by  an amazing orchestral score. (possibly the best score this year) Castlevania is a pretty game that constantly keeps things fresh by changing up landscapes and adding new mechanics all the way up to the final few levels. The game is long, challenging and has great boss encounters with some really nice low camera angles and a slight handheld feel that really  makes the action come off as a lot more exciting than the button inputs you are pressing. I have a ridiculously long list of things I want to say about this game, it surprised me for a game I had almost no interest in for a large part of the year. The ending is great and genuinely touching helped very much by Robert Carlyles pretty restrained  performance and I'm now really looking forward to the dlc.
 
Patrick Stewart is awesome but oh man is his performance insanely over the top,  those loading screens were a little too overbearing sometimes.
 

7. Rock Band 3


 

 My band is called Untidy Goblin.



The lack of people caring for this game is a shame but unfortunately It was to be expected. You can talk about how good Pro guitar, Keyboards and Drums are but I have zero interest in any of that, I LOVE Rock Band it gives me a reason to sing Sister Christian till my lungs explode and strive for meaningless challenges like get a bazillion big rock endings or whatever. I can see how some could be burnt out on the series but to someone  that has stuck with the DLC for a couple of years this really is the perfect upgrade. I haven't really done much of the keyboards, and as I said Pro mode really has very little appeal considering ive never even been bothered to progress beyond medium on some instruments. ( I prefer to sing)  Possibly the end point for the band-based, music rhythm games, It goes out on a high.
 
also...WHITESNAKE!
 

8. After Burner Climax


  
 
 PSHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Immmmmmmmmmgoinggggggggsoooooooooooooofassssssttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh200points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!missile, missile HUGE FUCKING RETICULE!<3<3<3<3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 

9. DJ Hero 2

  
 
 I have never been to a dancey type club so I am assuming this is what they look like in real life... just everyone is a little more like Gerry Anderson puppets.


Possibly the best experience I have ever had with playing a music rhythm game single player. Really engaging and a ton of things that make you feel like you have some influence over how the song plays out even if  you  have no real control over it. The heavier emphasis on eurodancey  and pop music is a little saddening after the first games  soul  and hip hop focus but theres so many high quality mixes in there it's hard to complain. Theres something about the games style and sounds that make me like the game, it's nice to have something fresh and new  stuck in your head when you  primarily listen to music with guitars.

 

10. Darksiders


  
 
           I like horses and I like fire so if a game has a horse on fire i'm probably going to be into it.  (Do not set fire to horses... thats not cool.)



Zelda with a horse on fire. Great acting, cool story and steals a ton of stuff...a ton of the right stuff from other games. that mixed with some really varied  environments a ton of  collectibles and some of the most beautiful artwork of any game that came out this year, cannot wait for the sequel.
 
Did I mention... WAR HAS A HORSE THAT CAN MATERIALIZE FROM NOTHING AND IS ON FIRE!
 

Other opinions on other games that were released in the year 2010 

 


ilomilo - Fuck Yeah! this game is cool and possibly made by those kinds annoying people that are into felt animals and make music videos for twee indie pop bands, Brilliantly designed puzzles and  art and design  that is so "awwwwwwwwww" that you hate yourself for being completely in love with it, some absolutely brilliant music and one of the coolest and most original achievements I have ever seen in a game. The little band dudes are adorable also.... I pretend to do that little trumpet noise all the time when making cups of tea and doing other cute things like crochet mushrooms and make stop motion videos with tiny plasticine birds. 
 
 Alan Wake -  I flip-flopped forever about this games worthiness in my top 10, I really, really, really like Alan Wake but I know it has so many problems, the controls are a little off and the lip synching in the main game is not very good but it has a ton of personality and a brilliant atmosphere. The episodic structure really helps and the games pacing is spot on. It's funny and  despite Alan being a huge cock he is kinda likeable. Some amazing choices for songs in the game coupled with some great DLC both having standout moments and both highlighting different (and huge) problems with  some of the design decisions they made. I prefer the way the on disc game ends  a lot more than Alan finding himself in The Writer(spoiler) I'd like to see another game in the series  it has a very unique flavour to it, not quite survival horror, not quite  action-shooter and at points is incredibly witty.
     Assassins Creed: Brotherhood -  Very good, great ending a little bit too much AC2.5 ( I hate myself a little for saying that) but it really is very true. The Assassins you can call in are  fucking awesome but somewhere new (not modern) would be nice next time though.
 
Lego harry Potter: Years 1-4 -  As someone that really likes the Lego game formula I can  confidently say this is easily the best of the games TT have made, with much less reliance on combat and more on just magicing shit about. so much stuff to pop and smash, a brilliant  and very lengthy game.
 
Halo reach -  The best looking and best Online Halo game I have played. The campaign is good but nothing particularly special and the ending left me kinda cold. I played a ton of the multiplayer when it first came out and got relatively ok at it,  it was a lot of fun.
 
Bioshock 2 -  This game is cool, the story is better than expected  even if it wasn't neccessary and the music and art design is still very strong. I liked the characters and the tape recorders  lying around are still a ton of fun.  A big sisters scream is a terrifying thing.... shame she's such a pushover to kill.
 
Comic Jumper -  One of the funniest games ever made, not quite as brilliant as 'Splosion man as a lot of that games weirdness was unforseen but the Total Recall jokes and completely offensive Silver age sections are some of the best comedy writing in a game I have ever heard... also features one of the three best winnable avatar items out there, The giant smiley head!
 
Limbo -  It's pretty and clever and never quite fully goes beyond being anything more than a very good puzzle-platformer. the sound design and art is some of the best this year. I would say it is probably  my personal "best looking game of 2010"
 
Codblops -  I have like gun and dudes get shooted in the face +100... is fun.(like the last three times)
 
Lara croft and the Guardian of Light -  Now this game is great, very fun little game with some really good challenges, well worth it's price for the amount of content in the game. Much better than I would have ever expected.
 
Yakuza 3 - This game is ace, I'd love to have finished it but my PS3 died and is irrepairable so my save for it is lost, completely nuts and  fistfighting/stomping on randoms faces around tokyo never gets old. I may return to it if I ever get another console.
 
Dead Rising 2 -  I adore the first game and the refinements to the formula in DR2 are kinda cool. Something really needs to be done about the psychopaths next time though. Combo weapons are fantastically nasty. 
 

  End bit.


Thats that I guess, well done if you read it all and struggled through my terrible sentencing  and over excitement at   ghost trains and  fast planes. I got Super Scribblenauts and Sonic Colours for christmas and theyre both incredibly good from what little I have played but don't feel confident enough to add them to any list of any kind. I do love videogames and 2010 has had so many good ones, more than  I was ever expecting and I am really excited  for both 2011 and   finally getting around to buying a brand new PS3. 
 
Stop typing!!! efjl;hwerpidfkliv jklgbio;
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Enslaved, Story frustrations and massive spoilers.


Has anyone else found the storytelling to be really frustrating in this game?  The developers have made a big deal about getting Andy Serkis to direct the game and Alex Garland to write it only for the whole experience to feel like most of the story is missing. By the time the final cutscene rolls around I know nothing about Monkey other than he trades with other communities, can jump about a bit and has ridiculously large hands. Trip is mildly annoying at points and I cannot understand how Monkey is so calm with her for basically making him a slave. I understand that theyre going for more of a feel than outright character facts but it would be really nice to know something about the main characters other than how they act around each other.  

Ive heard in a lot of interviews that Alex Garland came in and questioned a lot of why  things were happening so they changed the game to answer this and i'm pretty sure this has lead to the excessive handholding that continues right up until the final part of the final boss. The game constantly throws you out of the world by saying "hey look, enemy here, enemy there, jump here, do this" sometimes I just wanted to explore and find my own way through this (mostly) beautiful world but the game never let me do this, I was constantly told what to do. This leads to a weird jerkiness in the way the story is told, I'm often meant to feel like I am under some kind of time pressure and all the game wants to do is pull out and show me that another slow moving object has shifted into place.  

Pigsy, I HATE Pigsy, he ruins a lot of what makes the initial story so interesting. He would be ok if he was just in a small part of the game but he follows you around for the whole back end of the game making unfunny, badly acted quips about icecream and hair product. By the time his demise rolls around I was so glad I wouldn't have to listen to his shitty dialogue and that's where I'm thrown another frustration about the story, the game starts getting all orchestral as bullets fly into him in slo-mo while Monkey saves trip and I'm meant to feel like pigsy has done so much for me and that this highly emotional moment was earned. No, not at all. I know nothing about Pigsy other than he likes Trip and Mechs and snorts like a pig. The funniest thing about this is that pigsy is the most fleshed out of the three main characters.  

Trip and Monkeys scenes are well acted but far too brief, I understand that some people hate lengthy cutscenes but this game  cuts them off whenever they get vaguely interesting, Just a little more about these two would be nice. Everything is just said in a throwaway manner "ive got a cloud...it works sometimes...and sometimes it doesn't" ooook, thanks, why did the slavers let you keep it? Why did they take your bike and "stuff" along with you when you were just going to put into Pyramid slavery? because anyone that has seen the epilogue would know that all of those things are pointless. They sometimes talk about this war, but other than the overgrown world and mechs they never explain beyond this, So frustrating! I just want to know a little more beyond "Monkey probably has feelings for trip" A scene late in the game tries for some emotional impact when Trip turns off the headband and Monkey is all "turn it back on!" in an angry manner like we should know why as beyond the slight anger in the earliest scenes in the game Monkey is a relatively calm character.  

I want to like the games story, the setting is original (as original as post apocalyptic worlds go) and I'm reminded in the back of my mind about how beautiful Heavenly Swords storytelling was but in Enslaved im constantly thrown unearned big emotional moments with characters I dont really care for and even more annoyingly a lot of the  big emotional scenes have music just cut off  abruptly as a loading screen kicks in, theres nothing worse than destroying moments like that. When the ending finally rolls around  youre just greeted with a bad Matrix rip off, It took Alex Garland to write this poorly thought out idea? If Hollywood Writers are going to come along and elevate videogames to some kind of artform theyre going to have to rtry a lot harder than this when games like Uncharted, GTAIV and Red Dead Redemption are all doing it a whole lot better. Even Gears does characterization better than this. I know who  Delta Squad are as people I couldn't tell you at all who Monkey or Trip are.    
 
I liked Enslaved, it's a good game, the platforming feels fine, theres some fun puzzles and the combat is pretty exciting despite not changing  from the first enemy to the last and the game looks pretty.  For all of it's story annoyances it is acted really well for the most part with  Monkey and Trips interaction coming off as believeable, the score is also pretty good but the way it just cuts out after youve killed all the enemies and then starts up  five seconds later after another encounter  really throws off the flow of things. I heard an interview with Nitin Sawhney and he talked about making the music flow (a bit like Metal Gear shifts from sneaky to action in an instant) and this does not happen at all in the game which is a little disappointing.  The game is very easy and very short and I dont think anyone will have any real problems with the game. The only time I had any real problem with it was when the camera jerked suddenly when I rolled or the whole camera broke out of the world and I was gunned down by an invisible mech. I wish I could say I want to see more of Monkey but I honestly don't really care which is a little disappointing as I left Heavenly Sword wanting to see more or Nariko and Kai and expected something similar. It was a nice distraction for a weekend but I feel like I'd have been better off buying Castlevania.
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Big list of games/DLC I've been playing in the last two monthsish


 

Lost planet 2

-  I decided after hearing that a patch fixed the game that it was much more manageble now. The patch does fix this but it cannot save the game from being utter junk.  

Mass Effect 2

-  In amongst playing all the DLC I have been working my way through insanity, I am now at the final boss and I HATEHATEHATE!   the collectors as they are the only thing making this fight in any way difficult.  

Final Fantasy XIII

- I got to Gran Pulse!! I'm chipping away at that game slow as hell. I quite like the nonsensical story and it's a shame it felt like such a major grind getting there. I do really like the combat though.  

Borderlands - Finally kicked the shit out of Crawmerax the dickish and have all the achievements in that game that arent Mad Moxxi based.  

DJ Hero -  Still Love this game, I got all of my online wins and I'm quite pleased that the achievements in the sequel seem to be focussed really heavily on multiplayer as it's a ton of fun to play against other people.  

Red Dead Redemption -  I'm not a massive fan of the multiplayer but free roam is a frustratingly frustrating experience. Just travelling to gang hideouts can get you killed about 20 or so times and that is fucking terrible.  I dont give a fuck about competitive modes that have lock on. I'd love to go and do those free missions and rank up to 50 but I just get so angry at the game... It's a good job I loved the hell out of the single player.  

Limbo - Game is cool, probably the most visually beautiful game I have played all year and has some cool puzzles. It aint no Braid thats for sure.  

Mod Nation Racers -  I need to play some more of this post  casual mode patch, the AI in thet game is ridiculously cheaty.. It also doesn't help that my PS3 has been broken for months and months. 
 
After Burner Climax - Immmmmmmmmgoinnnnngggggggsoooooofassssssssttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
 
Crackdown 2 -  loved the fuck out of the first game, love it to hell but I burnt out very quickly on the second game, far, far, far too similar and far too repetitive. Probably should have just been an expansion.  

Scott Pilgrim Vs The world -  This game is brilliant! I  am really fond of old school brawlers and this has some great music, art and animation. Online co-op would have been nice though  

Army of Two: The 40th day - yes, Im still going for those 6666 kills. I finished it on hard and dabbled in the multiplayer. that games equivalent of Horde mode is  ridiculously tough for only 16 rounds. it's so hard getting an organized team of four people to stick together and work as a team ( something so, so many people are incapable of figuring out) 
 
Rival Scools - This game is definately a Capcom fighting game, I  <3 all of the character designs but it falls victim to the ravages of time, PS1 games didn't get off so lightly when it comes to their polygony visuals. 
 
Castlevania Order of Ecclesia -  this game is mad Castlevaniaey. I like the glyph system and it looks and sounds awesome. Some of the bosses are a tad overpowered though.  

Yakuza 3 -  I will happily stomp on your face! but first let me take a photo of ths dude smashing himself in the balls with a baseball and sing some Karaoke!  

Rock Band 2/lego -  mopping up challenges on expert and getting some missed achievements in both games. 
 
Bioshock 2 - Started the game on hard mode and considered dipping back into MP again. I have dl Minervas den but ive heard that there are achievement bugs and i'm frightened to play it at the minute. 
 
Alan Wake: The Signal -  This dlc reminds me about how much I liked that game. This extra chapter has all the best things about the main game rolled into two hours and then adds some extra stuff on top.  

Dead rising 2: Case Zero -  Easy S-Rank and a cool almost-demo  (not a complaint) for the main game. Yup, thats still Dead Rising.  

Bleach: Dark Souls -  I know nothing about Bleach, I have seen like two episodes of the anime and dont know anything about the fiction. What I do know is that there is an ace fighting game made by Treasure with a ton of generic looking anime characters that can do awesome special moves. 
 
Astro Boy: The omega factor -  Whoa, more treasure games.. what an absolutely brilliant game. It has platforming, beat-em-up, schmupping and ASTRO... I <3  Astro Boy 
 
King of Fighters XII - i found 3 matches online, that game is DEAD. I won 2 of them if theres anyone out there that wants to fight me in this game I would happily do so for fun or achievements . 
 
Super Street Fighter IV -  I wish I hadn't burnt out of SF as this game really is great. I just cannot love this game like the original which is a real shame.  

Lara Croft and the guardian of light -  What an ace game very long, challenging challenges and some really cool mini-setpiece things.  

Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 -  Oh yeah I beat Shao Khan..what a DICK!. I totally had to beat him in that cheap spammy way with subzero. Ice-uppercut-ice-uppercut what a badly designed final boss. Oh yeah and I have S-Ranked it now!  
 
and I'm pissed that i missed a x20 xp weekend in gears I could have finally gotten my level 50, possibly 100 eachievement.. god damn it!!!!  

games/dlc  I'm looking forward to a lot for the rest of this year... 
 
Rock Band 3 
Vanquish 
Claptraps new robot revolution 
The Writer 
DJ Hero 2 
Halo Reach 
 
games I should probably play before the end of the year... 
 
God of war 3!
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I <3 The 80's...why yes I do

Most awesome achievement of the week...

 
wasn't even an Achievement...or a trophy but 
 getting 60th place on a not 100% performance on Chicago's Youre the inspiration in lips 
 
(which WAS shit and is now the greatest game ever until I come to my senses) 
 

F'Yeah!


 

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My badly written top 10 games of 2009!

 (and 10 more that I really enjoyed)  
 
I'm not going to put a spoiler warning on any of this because it is my blog and it is full of spoilers and I'm only mentioning this because of number 5 which hasn't been properly released yet... 
 
sorry about my bad sentencing and ramblyness.

 10 Bionic Commando (360)

After flip flopping between this and Modern Warfare 2 I finally settled on the game that satisfied me as a gamer the most, this is not to say that I find MW2 to be a bad game in fact it’s very, very good but the single player left me really cold and I finished it on veteran within three days of release with no Mile high/No fighting in the war room type achievements hanging over my head to mock me… on top of that Multiplayer whilst perfectly designed and a bunch of fun was giving me feelings of déjà vu… I just don’t feel the same way about a game   I felt I had already played for over four days in total playtime.

But this is not about Modern Warfare 2 this is about Bionic Commando a game with an absolutely fantastic swing mechanic, wonderful music, cool bosses and pretty challenging gameplay.

I have never touched the multiplayer…not even once did I go into the menu and still I love this game. It is by no means a perfect game with some incredibly frustrating battles later on and a plot that goes completely off the rails, but that’s not really the point. Bionic Commando feels like the evolution of 2D sidescrolling action adventure games. It isn’t meant to have any substance and is designed to feel a little arcadey. I love the weapons (even the peashooter pistol), I love how they’re limited because it forces you into playing unpredictably and using the arm in combat, and I really like the varied environments. In an age of pure shooters and open world games filled with moral choices that can be boiled down to good, bad, neutral I am thankful that   games like this get made, a game where its all about getting from A to B, beating bad guys and having fun whilst not pretending to be  anything other than a videogame.

Best moment – “you’ll just have to fuck it” line during the worm fight

9 Plants Vs Zombies (PC)

 

I HATE tower defence games so why do I love PvsZ?

I think I spent about 10 hours over the course of two days fending off an assortment of Zombies with mushrooms and sunflowers, my mind completely focussed on one thing and one thing only…. Wiping out every dolphin riding, traffic cone wearing, glass door holding evil zombie.   
I would make beautifully, symmetrical gardens which the zombies felt needed reworking and I wasn’t going to take it… these zombies had to die! So with a little help from crazy dave and excessive planting of sunflowers I set about destroying wave after wave of plant-hating undead.   
Not content with ruining my front lawn, my back lawn and pool they set about invading my rooftops where I would have to replace lost tiles… what kind of evil doer not only hates plants, but hates roofing also?... they had to be stopped…. Even an evil zombie scientist-king in an undead stompy mech could not stop me protecting my property…. All zombies must die!!!!

Best moment – There’s a zombie on your lawn song.

8 Shadow Complex (360)

There’s not really a lot to say about this game other than it being a love letter to Castlevania and Metroid games from the past. While being a lot shorter than say something like Symphony of the night it makes up for it with some great visuals, some cool little boss sequences and a million different upgrades and an emphasis on rewarding exploration. ( even if the   endless grenade upgrades are a teensy bit useless)

The shooting can be wonky but really you should be running at everyone and using one of the comical/awesome looking   one hit kill takedowns   even if they do make the game a little too easy on the normal setting, but they never get boring and net you way more experience than just shooting randoms in the face.  Part of me wants to say they could have charged a lot more than 1200 points for the game seeing as I got maybe 25 or so play hours out of it   and I enjoyed every minute exploring it’s underground caverns and factories.  Maybe next time we will get an inverted shadow complex after we have finished it.

Best moment – The first showdown with the spider tank.

7 KIllzone 2 (PS3)

Get this part out of the way first… I find the online multiplayer to be pretty good but in no way is it as fun or interesting as the Modern Warfare games.

Good job I absolutely love the single player then. I don’t know if the controls were patched or something   because I have read a million complaints about the controls and I played the game a good while after it came out and absolutely loved them, there is a lot more reliance on actual aiming with there being very, very minimal (if any?) autoaim. Everything about Killzone 2 has a real weight and momentum to it whether you are running, turning or throwing a grenade and to me felt really immersive and made all of the already intense gunfights just that little bit more ummm intense.

The story is utter nonsense and the character models while having beautifully animated movement sport really ugly faces but that’s not the point, the Helghast are so stylish and sinister looking and their relentless charge towards you make them a really great enemy to fight.  The guns all have such volume and sound appropriately like they were made for killing stuff alongside the constant stream of shouting and explosions coming from all angles and sounds absolutely superb.

After a lot of negativity I had read towards KZ2 I had quite low expectations when I popped the disk in but found myself having some of the best fun with an FPS in ages. The game is absolutely beautiful despite it’s same old, same old, grey, war torn city look   and easily a much better single player campaign than Modern warfare 2 in my opinion.

Best moment - The attack on your spaceship by the Helghast.

6 ‘Splosion Man (360)

An answer all the people that claim that a new 2D Sonic The Hedgehog is not a viable gametype.  ‘Splosion man gets the fast paced, almost-on-rails thing mixed with timed platforming sequences down to perfection.

I absolutely adore This game and experienced a very similar feeling to what I had after playing through portal for the first time. Clever Humour, Catchy songs and a ton of personality run through all 50 of ‘splosion man’s   frustratingly fun levels with some absolutely sadistic timed sequences you need to get down to perfection in a similar way you would play a music rhythm game.  It really does have that “oh, one more go” hook where despite dying for the 60 time you    feel you really must get through it  and getting through it is a must because if not you’re going to miss one of the strangest and absolutely brilliant videogame endings ever devised. Even more importantly the game has some absolutely fantastic songs like “donuts, go nuts” a song played on a Ukelele about how everyone loves donuts whilst using a fat scientist as a bullet shield. This song will play around in your head for days and the brilliant “’splode beneath my ‘splosion” ballad with the lyrics “”youre so ‘splosiony, youre the ‘splodiest, ‘splosion man” is a fine end credits song.   I Love ‘splosion man as a character with his brilliant animations for running and constant mad-person chatter about various meats and would really like a sequel although I am also really looking forward to next years Comic jumper from Twisted pixel.

Best moment – The Live action ending sequence/s

5 Bayonetta (PS3)

The PS3 one is all lyk broke n that…

You know what?... fuck you! This game is better than its technical problems a true masterclass in how to create a fast, fluid action game. Not once did I feel like my enjoyment was being ruined due to some lengthy loading times and   murky textures… what I was thinking was “This game rules everyone’s fuckin face” and “fuck yeah! This game is awesome” an absolute love letter to   Videogames with Okami, Resident evil, Mad world and even Halo references. The insane spectacle as you ride into space vertically up the side of a rocketship on a motorbike towards a god before manually blasting it past all the planets in the solar system into the sun is just one of those moments I punched the air…. But the screen tearing… Fuck you! I say... You have not experienced the games love of Space Harrier or the absolutely flawless combat system… but the framerate….   It doesn’t matter, I am jumping between timeshifting platforms and then putting an angel in a guillotene and then torturing a girl in a twisted   overtly sexual way before watching her explode into tiny meaty chunks and then shooting a cherub in the penis and riding up a giant plant-cherub monster   as a fucking PANTHER… all of the people that claim this is another Devil May Cry clone are waaaaaaaaaaaaaay off the mark, It’s perfect scores from magazines with it’s style and imagination are fully justified. No other game this year has strived so hard to go all out insane like this. And It works   because the combat is PERFECT, I just cannot   find any fault in it, the options given to you from the get-go are staggering   and the game can easily be completed just with the default guns (although the sword is much, much more devastating)

Very few games leave me with total satisfaction and the last game to do so was Metal Gear solid 4, Bayonetta is another one. I felt a little drained, a little bit like I wanted to punch the air again and a tiny bit dirty.

Best moment - You totally get to manually Headshot a dude in the face with your lipstick! Seriously… “DON’T FUCK WITH A WITCH!”

4 Resident Evil 5 (360)

I just cannot understand the hatred this game has started picking up just recently, It plays better than 4 (one of the best videogames ever made), It looks absolutely gorgeous and has some   absolutely fantastic setpiece moments a million other games would die for.

While  I understand the game doesn’t even come close to the greatness of Resident Evil 4 It still feels incredibly polished and any criticism about it not playing like Gears of War or any other of the million third person shooters out there seem incredibly petty. I really like the games stop-aim-shoot mechanic It makes fighting the hordes of infected enemies a lot more tense and enjoyable.

I do not mind the series shift to all out action we have Dead Space now if we want atmospheric scares   and I really like the games gun levelling system.   I like the way the game feels like your partner is the most valuble person in the world and while I know there are some A.I issues I have never run into them because I have always played with a   friend. I love that whole “he’s got me helphelphelp” feeling and the vulnerability you feel when the game forces you to split with your partner at various points. I like Sheva as a character and I really like the overblown, insane quicktime events usually involving Wesker. On top of that Mercenaries is the best it has ever been and it’s a shame they added that useless versus mode instead of adding a few more mercs maps…

And there’s an island full of chickens.

Best moment – The Wesker showdown in the cargo area of the plane. 
 

3 Ratchet & Clank: A Crack In Time (PS3)

This is THE best Ratchet and Clank game ever made. The balance between shooting and platforming is the best It has ever been.   The pacing and emotional impact of the story is better than any other game in the series, but more importantly it is not at the expense of the games humour.  This Game is easily one of the funniest games I have ever played and kept me consistently amused for the ten or so hours it took me to complete it.

I will be the first to admit I am the hugest Ratchet fanboy (totally even have the new figures on order)

But the amount of collectibles and constant rewards for clearing a planet or going an alternate path are someone with obsessive compulsive disorders nightmare/dream. Levelling guns is no longer a grind, explosions are prettier… there are no underwater sequences… I repeat, THERE ARE NO UNDERWATER SEQUENCES! The game has a perfect difficulty curve (not ratcheting it up a little too high like the first and third games do in their final levels)

It also features some brilliant new guns like the vortex ripper where an alien from another dimension shoots tentacles through a portal and snatches up and eats anything it is close to, tools favourite Mr Zurkon with a whole bunch more trashtalk and even a couple of little songs he sings whilst insulting/killing the local wildlife and finally the new RYNO 5 which plays Tchaichovskys 1812 overture whist dealing out death to anything and everything in it’s path!

Oh yeah and the Clank levels are absolutely brilliant and clever braidesque puzzles. If this is the last R&C game Insomniac ever make they really have left this series on a high.

Best moment – The rewinding time sequence where Clank needs to save Ratchet after being killed. 
 

2 Uncharted 2: Among thieves (PS3)

 
I really don’t have a lot to say about this game other than It sports some of the most gorgeous graphics, has one of the best videogame soundtracks ever and an engaging action packed story full of likeable and well thought out characters with a bunch of personality.

It’s very hard to say anything more about it, It fixes a lot of the first games very minor issues like bullet sponge enemies and has a better balance of action and platforming.

It does almost everything right and that is almost the most boring thing in the world to sum up. A game that’s flaws are tiny nitpicks like briefly not knowing the direction you’re supposed to be going in and rocket launcher spamming enemies, but when put next to everything the game does so right they’re not really worth noting at all.

Best moment - I really like the falling building/gunfight/helicopter sequence with you in it

1 Street Fighter IV (360)

I wrote a really long reason why I love this game in a journal using pens with ink and everything. All it really said after a lot of waffling was….

Street Fighter IV is one of the best videogames ever made…ever…. in the world ever!   

                 

(<3 Chun-Li) 
 

10 Games I really, really liked but didn’t like enough to put them in a top 10 (and reasons why they are not in it.)

Batman Arkham Asylum – I love Batman, I love   Paul Dini, I love Mark Hammill as the joker and I love how the game really makes you   feel like Batman but there was something about   how the game would force you into these horrible fights against larger enemies that all had to be beaten in the same way. Even the last boss in the game felt like it was thrown in at the last minute as The Joker could never beat Batman in a fistfight.

Assassins Creed 2 – I Burnt through this in a dedicated weekend doing almost every side mission and collecting everything that can be found in this really detailed world, Ezio is a great character but once I was done I felt DONE, like I would never want to play this game ever again. (very similar feelings were had with the first game. It has a great ending and I will no doubt play the third game even if I had more issues with the platforming this time around.

inFAMOUS -   I feel the same about infamous as I do about AC2. The game is really fun and I collected/did everything you can in the game world but was left with mixed feelings about the way it played with some cheapo deaths and   a lot of glitching/falling through the world and some terrible facial animations. I loved the   comic book cutscenes and I was one of the few that really enjoyed Coles voice/acting. The combat is also very, very good even it would force you to take care of most situations in   almost identical ways.

Noby noby boy – This is the greatest preschool toy ever devised, absolutely hilarious to watch and a nightmare to control… It is not really a videogame.

The Beatles: Rock Band -   I LOVE this game! I really enjoy all the songs, have a load of fun doing the vocals but it was all over for me very early, the story mode is quickly beaten and the online is hugely flawed.(full of dicks) It is very hard to continue playing just this game when I have built up such a huge collection of songs all in the same place with Rock Band 2.

Modern Warfare 2 - see BC in top 10… Spec ops is great, not different enough from Cod4…. Would much rather play other games or Street Fighter IV online.

Halo 3 ODST -   Not the hugest Halo fan in the world but I found ODST to have a really tight and focussed campaign with a really nice atmosphere and some beautiful music. The lack of matchmaking in Firefight is the most pathetic thing ever in the year 2009 and I would probably have played a ton of it if it had featured it.

Katamari Forever – Probably the best Katamari game on the market if you had never played any of the other games but for someone as obsessive over the franchise as me it felt like there was too little new content and some really weak weird choices for remixes/songs and overly strict time limits on levels which made the game a tiny bit too demanding in places… and seriously, only two new cousins… that is kinda terrible.

Battle Fantasia – Beautiful looking, smooth playing game from the makers of Blazblue/Guilty Gear.It has some amazing story sequences like the power rangersesque Deathbringer sidestory. Unfortunately about five people bought this game so the online is dead and that is the worst thing ever in a fighting game.

It is also hugely imbalanced and when you do meet someone online expect it to be someone using Deathbringer and pressing the high attack button over and over and over again!

50 Cent: Blood on the sand -   This game is much more fun than most will expect. It’s a competently made shooter with a very good points/highscoring system and decent shooting/cover system. The game is over in about five minutes but the constant stream of ridiculousness coming out of Curtis Jacksons mouth in pursuit of his y’know, priceless, diamond encrusted skull and hatred of all thing helicopter has a kind of endearing quality to it…

 I am also fond of the song   on the soundtrack where he barks like a dog.

And jewels fly out of crates towards you like a sonic the hedgehog game….

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Bayonetta (thoughts upon completion)

 

Hair Dragon is teenytiny compared to other hair monsters.


 
I love bayonetta, not just love it... but LOVE it !
 
Not because I am one of those "I was there first so I must gush about it in ridiculous ways to show how  awesome I am" but because those initial reviews of Bayonetta... famitsu's and Edge magazines perfect scores are completely spot on. 
As a fighting game in the same vein as Devil may cry, god of war and Ninja gaiden it takes all of their best ideas and boils them down to the core, the game isn't about a bazillion upgrades or buying a million different moves (not to say there isn't any to buy)  its about style, timing and memorization of  devastating combos. 
The tools given to you from the  beginning are all you need, there is some extra weapons  and charms with different effects but  they are all just there to  give the player a little more power  when the game starts throwing a stream of bosses at you like they were regular enemies. 
When you look at Bayonetta from  just the demo or  promotional videos you get the feeling that Platinum have just created a flashy oversexed version of Devil may cry but in reality they have crafted  an action game that feels like a love letter to why japanese games used to be the ones western developers wished they could make. 
It feels pretty hard skirting around why the game  feels like that because I really don't want to ruin any of the surprises for people if they are going to play the game. At its core it is about the arena based fights and gaining medals  for how well you did but  I was not expecting there to be  as many puzzle and platforming elements as there is. The game has a lot of shifting plane stuff like say ratchet and clank or mario galaxy and some basic use of slowing time to get past certain obstacles along with some vehicle sequences, one of which is a little too long and another a breathtaking "FUCK YEAH!" moment  very near the end. 
 
Bayonetta is weird, everything about it is so strange, the story, the cutscenes, its sense of humour. it feels a little  like  all the developers put their sexual fantasies up on a white board and then stared at them so long that what was once a joke became the outline for a new videogame. There is some really messed up sequences with angels touching theselves inappropriately and light bursting forth from them (this is a minor spoiler )  I felt a little dirty witnessing some of the  naked-lady  poledancer moves on screen... and there is a LOT of it.  
I giggled a lot throughout the game and that seems intentional, nothing about the game is played straight, even the big emotional sequences seem like they have their tongue firmly in their cheek right next to a brightly coloured lollipop. (the games item of choice) 
 
While I have said almost nothing of the content of the game because it is best  witness first hand I can only really talk about the combat stuff which everyone can get their hands on by playing the demo, If that stuff is not your cup of tea then I doubt you could be persuaded that this really is one of the best games of it's type.. no... THE best... God of war III seems like more of the same , albeit more of the same of what is a very fun game but there is no way that game could even come close to Bayonetta, a fountain of creativity with everything amped up to maximum , it's apparent love for all things to do with videogames  and  mishmash of  game mechanics make it quite hard to put into words why the game is one of the best games I have  played in the last couple of years... 
 
if it was a movie... it would be Crank 2 
  
 
but with more magic. 
 
and you can turn into a panther.... 
 
 
 
 
 
and a flock (?) of bats.... 
 
 
  
 
and you shoot a cherub in the end of its penis and it explodes...
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