Christmas has come and gone, New year has come and gone, however the bad feelings have gone and come back. I was generally very happy for the majority of the holiday, but a few days ago I got really down again. I decided I have had enough with all of this shit, I need to get something done, so I went back to the doctors. I went to the doctors about a month ago and was given a questionnaire, I filled out the questionnaire and after googling it I discovered that if your total isn't over a certain number your deemed as ok but with some issues. I stupidly didn't go back and show the doctor the result because I had to much faith in my google result.

With the idea that I was fine I drilled that into my head, I forced smiles on my face when I really didn't want to because I was "Fine". The weeks went passed and some part of my believed it, but the more time passes by the more times I have to convince myself I'm fine. So last night I decided that if I need to constantly remind myself that I'm fine then I clearly must be not fine. I wrote down all i thought was wrong with me and went back.

I was sat in the waiting room for about half an hour, which sucks because I hate waiting in the doctors, its there no phone on policy that sucks. I asked to see a female doctor this time, I work with females and most of my company is from females so I just wanted a doctor who I would feel more comfortable with. When I went in I explained that I never came back, the doctor then told me that that answer to the questionnaire is a vague guide instead of a clear yes or no. Me and the doctor talked for the full 10 minutes going through my situation, much better than my previous doctor who handed me the questionnaire and told me to come back in a few weeks.

The doctor told me then told me that I may not be depressed, but there is something wrong. She told me that I am more likely suffering from an anxiety disorder than depression, which surprised me but when she told me why I kind of agreed. So for the next 2 weeks I am to keep a mood diary, each day I am to give a rating to the day out of 10 in terms of my mood, write about something that I found difficult and something that I enjoyed.

Thank you for your kind Christmas messages duders, it's nice to know that although I am hated by many I am appreciated by few.

Oh and to give this something for the game people, I started getting into XCOM, I'm playing on easy but fuck it I play games to enjoy them not to get frustrated!