Christmas has come and gone, New year has come and gone, however the bad feelings have gone and come back. I was generally very happy for the majority of the holiday, but a few days ago I got really down again. I decided I have had enough with all of this shit, I need to get something done, so I went back to the doctors. I went to the doctors about a month ago and was given a questionnaire, I filled out the questionnaire and after googling it I discovered that if your total isn't over a certain number your deemed as ok but with some issues. I stupidly didn't go back and show the doctor the result because I had to much faith in my google result.

With the idea that I was fine I drilled that into my head, I forced smiles on my face when I really didn't want to because I was "Fine". The weeks went passed and some part of my believed it, but the more time passes by the more times I have to convince myself I'm fine. So last night I decided that if I need to constantly remind myself that I'm fine then I clearly must be not fine. I wrote down all i thought was wrong with me and went back.

I was sat in the waiting room for about half an hour, which sucks because I hate waiting in the doctors, its there no phone on policy that sucks. I asked to see a female doctor this time, I work with females and most of my company is from females so I just wanted a doctor who I would feel more comfortable with. When I went in I explained that I never came back, the doctor then told me that that answer to the questionnaire is a vague guide instead of a clear yes or no. Me and the doctor talked for the full 10 minutes going through my situation, much better than my previous doctor who handed me the questionnaire and told me to come back in a few weeks.

The doctor told me then told me that I may not be depressed, but there is something wrong. She told me that I am more likely suffering from an anxiety disorder than depression, which surprised me but when she told me why I kind of agreed. So for the next 2 weeks I am to keep a mood diary, each day I am to give a rating to the day out of 10 in terms of my mood, write about something that I found difficult and something that I enjoyed.

Thank you for your kind Christmas messages duders, it's nice to know that although I am hated by many I am appreciated by few.

Oh and to give this something for the game people, I started getting into XCOM, I'm playing on easy but fuck it I play games to enjoy them not to get frustrated!

I hope you start feeling better

Day 1: Frustrated by XCOM. Jerked off over fit doctor I just met.

You are my favourite person. Keep yer chin up man!

The amount of time you spend thinking about yourself is astounding, get some more engaging hobbies or a significant other, going to a doctor isn't going to do anything if you don't fix the actual problem.

Hope everything works out for you duder. I'm just thankful I have a girlfriend I can talk all my crap out with and a wonderful group of Giantbombers at the gaming hub who always cheer me up whenever I feel down.

You should come visit Sam's girl friend. She's a real man.

You should get a puppy.

@Jimbo said:

Day 1: Frustrated by XCOM. Jerked off over fit habster I just met.

Why, thank you!

Good luck, Hizang; I hope your mood diary leads to some peace of mind

Good luck Hizang.

Also you have to play XCOM at a higher level. normal at least. I would say it's funner when it's a little challenging.

I don't hate you, have a good week duder and try to make the best of it.

Get better man

Good work! You followed up on this, and now things are on track. I'm proud of you, Mr High-zang. Keep at it, get yourself sorted, and be happy, duder!

Somewhat kind of gives me comfort that I ain't the only one having problems. I actually have, obviously, both anxiety and depression. I will not get any help though, because what I have to deal with is of nobodys concern. The way I see it, I'm the only one responsible for my own problems. In your case though, if this works for you, go with it. Best of wishes to you.

Best of luck, bro-- I hope you start feeling better soon. I know some of the same feelings you're going through, and I hope you find a solution for your anxiety that works. For me, anti-anxiety meds aren't an option, so I've taken to playing hack-and-slash games in my downtime. I think it's the relaxing, ambient soundtrack that helps a bit. I've had better luck with female doctors as well, for whatever reason.

@Jimbo said:

Day 1: Frustrated by XCOM. Jerked off over fit doctor I just met.

That reads an awful lot like my diary.

Damn duder :( I hope you get better again , yeah I also not been too great either , I mean it was an ok holday and all but since my father died (it has been for 10 year now) it just feels distant. I do need to seek help but alas money does not allow it also having debt and again be jobless is not helping much :/