When I got my Xbox, I, like many Nintendo kids, gravitated towards Rare Replay. Then, a mental deficiency told me to get all the achievements for the collection. It took a whole year! This list is ranking the games - or, to be more exact, the experiences I had with them. Were I playing them in their original context, some of these games would be... pure suffering.
Banjo-Kazooie is like a warm blanket. I can settle in for a play session at any time and be totally absorbed into its quaint, low-poly worlds. The nostalgia will probably keep it forever at the very top of the Rare catalogue for me. You explore imaginative levels filled with characters that leap off the screen. It's a perfect package of charm and whimsy that keeps bringing people back all these years later. And it's a respectable size without going overboard like Rare's later platformers tended to do. The Xbox enhancements make this the ultimate version of the game.
Banjo-Tooie is a much more daunting game than its predecessor, with worlds ballooning into a gargantuan interconnected maze filled with a lot of running between places like an errand bear. By the same token, though, that development leads to a more immersive sense of place than before. I was prepared for an aggravating grind to finish Banjo-Tooie, but that was hardly the case. The folks who decided on the achievements for the HD port were very generous. I only had to spend one day with the game, not even getting past world four, before I had the gamerscore needed for the Rare Replay credit. I could have reduced my playtime even more if I was more focused about it. There are plenty of things to complain about in Banjo-Tooie, which I will encounter when I return to roll credits, but you don't have to deal with them in the early game. Instead, you can just enjoy the new sights for a few hours.
Not what anyone wanted from a Banjo sequel, but the game is still fun. With how much freedom you have to build vehicles, each challenge practically invites you to cheat it by thinking outside the box. The structure is kind of weird, and sometimes the writing is a little TOO self-aware for its own good, but it's ultimately a well-made title that's possibly ahead of its time. Achievements are pretty much a breeze. DLC is included that adds a lot more wiggle room - if you don't mind clunky 8-bit games. Hey, in this collection, I'm used to those by this point! With the way this list bore out, one could draw the conclusion that I'm more of a Banjo-Kazooie fan than a Rare fan. These games were the most fun to go back to, and I really hope the series gets another entry in the next few decades.
I was worried about this one because sandbox games can become quite dull for me without short-term goals to work towards. Luckily, the achievements serve that purpose well. The game is tuned so that you keep unlocking more things whether you're trying to or not. As more pinatas show up in your garden, your little plot develops into its own ecosystem while keeping control in your hands. I have to admit, though, some of the requirements for endgame progression are overly complicated. I strategized around them so that my last achievements were for having a shit-ton of cash on hand. That meant scorching earth and selling every critter and object in my garden. Hey, I didn't get into the Pinata game for the love of it, I did it to get rich.
A fun shooter that moves well and doesn't waste your time if you want those stamps. There are so many guns here, and the majority are fun to use. I also enjoy the length of the campaign levels; they become quite fast once you learn them. The Goldeneye style of difficulty, adding extra objectives, is still an inspired idea that should be more common. And if you're here for multiplayer, it includes a paralyzing amount of customization. The only knocks I have include a lack of signposting in certain missions causing me to wander around confused for a while and the fact that the story lost me pretty early. The audio mix wasn't great so I'm not sure if I missed some key lines or if we really did just end up in new locations without explanation. I appreciate the desire to freshen things up unbound from the 007 license, but I prefer espionage to aliens.
Shoot things, you're a speedboat. Why not? This game gives you a variety of missions, from races to swimmer defense to boss fights. However, you're always using the same mechanics, so it's refreshing instead of tiring. Not my favorite NES game ever or anything, but it's a fairly good time.
It's almost a shame that cheat codes let me skip past most of Killer Instinct, because I was vibing with some of the stuff I saw here. The human characters are frightening, but the skeletons and ice monsters and whatnot look cool. For an honest cash-in on Mortal Kombat, there are plenty of novel ideas. Thing is, I'm crap at fighting games, so I didn't feel motivated to put in the time here. And if I were to get into the series, it would be with the modern version.
The kindest thing to say about Grabbed by the Ghoulies is that it's hardly aged at all. Its cel-shaded graphics are still appealing, and the gameplay is almost always functional. The flip side of that is, the game wasn't exactly lighting up the world when it first came out, either. Rare's obligatory charm is present, of course. However, despite the many flavors of challenges attempting to diversify the game, you really are just doing the same thing the entire time. Fighting is not precise due to the quasi-dual stick control scheme. While you can get the hang of it and eventually master the game, not enough variety made it into the game to serve its already short length. That's made even worse by the NES-style "hard loop" of the game to get one crummy achievement. It was bullshit at times, but I'm probably in the top 5% of Grabbed by the Ghoulies players on the planet now? So that's something to take away, I guess.
Jetpac Refuelled is interesting. A few years later, it would have been a crappy mobile game. A few years after that, it wouldn't have been made at all. Now, it's cribbing off the success of Geometry Wars, as evidenced by the copious particle effects with every blasted alien. It expectedly adds a lot of new mechanics to the original: powered-up lasers, EMP bombs, and more than one stage layout. When you're going through all 128 of its stages, though, things eventually spiral out of control, with a ludicrous amount of enemies that bring your survival down to luck. But it gives you a new starting point every four levels, so progress is never far away. You maybe shouldn't play this game that much - it's not designed for it - but it's still pretty neat.
It's rare to see a game find such a fun concept and then ignore it. In Blast Corps, you drive vehicles that blow up buildings before a nuke-carrying truck collides with them. The premise is knowingly ridiculous, but it leads to exciting moments when you bump up against that time limit. Problems arise before too long, though. First, only about half of the vehicles are fun to drive, with the other half being a pain. The amount of the game that leans on the Backlash truck is way too high. Second, the game has maybe two or three times the number of bonus missions it needs. These have you racing or blowing up featureless spheres or playing Pac-Man, and they just aren't what I'm here for. To get the achievements, you must 100% the game the hard way - no cheats to help you here. That means getting gold times on every stage and combing each for every last thing that can be interacted with. The game just keeps going and overstays its welcome by a lot.
No one ever talks about Kameo, and I can't say it made much of an impression. That said, it has intriguing, if underutilized, ideas. In concept, I like transforming into elemental warriors at the hit of a button. But every monster's character design is disgusting without exception. Only about half of them are useful outside of very tailored circumstances. For achievements, you need to earn an A rank on at least one score attack stage. This is built around the game's combo system, which is totally ignored during the first playthrough. Earning the right score took me a while, but only because I tried to do it on my own instead of following a video from the start. Not wanting to do it again, I preferred to reach 100% in the story, which is uncharacteristically straightforward for a Rare game. Perhaps it's another casualty of the clear reduction of the game's scale.
Thanks to rereleases of arcade games, we can simulate being the rich kid at the arcade with stacks of quarters. That can turn a frustrating game into an enjoyable, if mindless one. Battletoads, and other deliberate quarter-munchers, are perhaps less enjoyable without these stakes, but we paid for the game up-front so what do we care? The arcade Battletoads is more detailed and consistent than its other incarnations, not to mention bloodier. They pushed the edge pretty far here, about as far as "90s kids property" would allow. It's about as fun as playing any other beat-em-up with infinite quarters, to be honest. Unless you have extra controllers handy, you'll be playing the game multiple times through for the achievements. Considerably less engaging on that second playthrough.
It's pretty much just an improvement on the original R.C. Pro-Am. There's an upgrade store and a boost mechanic, but it doesn't add much. If you had to pick one, I'd go with the sequel for sure, but it still lacks personality.
I like Jetpac because it's on a single screen. It doesn't bite off more than it can chew, unlike the rest of the Ultimate label catalogue. It's also dead-simple, but as maybe the first thing you launch when you get into Rare Replay, that's not so much of a problem. For achievement hounds, you'll be flying around with infinite lives blasting stuff while looking at Twitter or something. If you really want to beat the game legit, do it within Jetpac Refuelled because there's an achievement for it there. I didn't do that one.
Slalom is the most "adequate" game on the list. It's a fun idea, but there's only one environment and a handful of obstacles to last the whole game - which is too long. Copious rewind reduces the frustration here. It definitely needed more mechanical evolution to hold your attention for any length of time. Plus, your skier guy's ass is so well-defined that it's impossible not to think of Stupid Sexy Flanders.
This is one I didn't really have to touch because of the password system. It doesn't seem like I would like it, with a Defender-style ship control that irritates me. Thankfully, you can get in and out quick. The fact that we're at the middle of the rankings with "I didn't have to play it" maybe doesn't bode well.
This is technically a better game than the original, but playing them back to back of course I got burnt out. Progression in this one is tied to obtaining very specific pinata. Unlocking stuff is a tangled, interlocking mess, and relying on the pinata AI to do what you need is aggravating. I was juggling 6 or 7 gardens full of crap, and I was happy to finally put it behind me.
Jet Force is kind of a bummer because there's no half-commitment. Beating it and getting 100% is functionally the same thing. For my purposes that's expected, but the process of replaying levels with all the characters for tracking down all the junk is arduous and sometimes frustrating. It was definitely designed for the strategy guide. Boss fights are also a crapshoot due to unclear hitboxes, though placing the character on a rail here is a good choice. I do appreciate the new controls, which maps the game more sensibly onto a modern controller.
The guy on the box looks like a real punk; in-game he looks more like Charlie Brown. Following a guide closely, and with infinite time cheats, it's a very short game. Can't exactly put my finger on it, but it just didn't grab me. If you presented it to me in a vacuum, though, I could probably identify it as European.
It just lacks the famous Rare charm. You're racing remote-controlled cars at an isometric angle and hoping to get one over on the cheating A.I. The last level is a real pain if you missed upgrades like I did, which caused a restart. Special anti-shoutout to the challenge that starts you a lap BEHIND on the final track. 9 laps to 8, sounds fair. Don't even remember how I did it.
The most fun of the Ultimate maze games. Which isn't high praise, but this game is at least mappable in a way the others aren't. Methodically crossing off every room in the mansion hit a certain center of my brain for whatever reason. You will need to go through three times for the achievement, but it doesn't take all that long. And it plays fast enough that it's never overtly frustrating.
I had intended to play this one through without cheats, but I changed my mind after spending too long jumping across ropes in poo world. N64 games are already susceptible to aging poorly, and Conker has the double threat of raunchy humor that's only funny to a very thin demographic. If that's the lowest form of comedy, movie parodies would be the second lowest. Oh hey, look at that... I won't knock the juice they squeezed out of the hardware, but the game isn't responsive enough to fully enjoy. They made it very easy to not play Conker, so that's what I decided to do. The Great Value Xenomorph of a final boss is about the only thing to worry about.
Another simple game made much more bearable with cheats. It's interesting for a British developer to set a game in the American Old West. Historians tell us that walking into civilians or tumbleweeds was absolutely lethal for cowboys. When you find your target, there's a quick-draw game that would be a giant pain in the ass without rewind - instead, it's only a small pain in the ass. Ultimate's loose interpretation of the Wild West leads to bounties on legendary outlaws, copyright-protected fictional characters, and original creations like MEXICANS. You know that guy, MEXICANS, right? Love that guy. Better character than Kazooie, actually.
This is the first instance of a problem that would affect many of Rare's sequels: dumping a bunch of stuff onto the original game. There's a truck now, and I guess you have to drop bombs on alien bases. It's more complex and more haphazard, but less responsive than the original game. Give it a miss.
For me, respect is a two-way street. I've put up with some really difficult modern games, but only when they respect my time and patience. Battletoads is not the most mechanically challenging game out there, but it just loves gotcha moments to the point where its infamous difficulty is pure mocking malice. It's a test case for why playtesters are so important. Sure, the developers know every trick in the game, but no one else could be expected to without hours and hours of memorization. That's why cheats are a gamer's best friend! Battletoads is, I guess, a beat-em-up, but charitably speaking 15% of the game consists of fighting enemies. The rest is a parade of confusing stage gimmicks that make sure you are never comfortable. Sure, the Turbo Tunnel is legendarily hard, but that's not even close to the hardest part of Battletoads. It's just where everyone gave up. For a somewhat secret achievement, you must clear the level on a single life. This was a pretty long trial of memorization and pause buffering, but in the end it was a satisfying accomplishment. But there is no way in hell I would do the same for the rest of the game. The Battletoads wouldn't even be in my top 50 favorite fictional frogs.
This game takes place in an abstract nightmare world, and you are a disturbing snake. He bounces around like he has a mind of his own, which makes precise jumping a pain. That's on top of the isometric view conveying little about where you actually are. I felt like I was fighting the game at every turn, especially towards the end. The ice level is heinous, but the real terror comes at the final level. Your snake must lick constantly lick a hopping foot, whose health is restored if you let up for even a moment. That sentence could have been A.I.-generated, but yes, the final boss of the game is LICKING A FOOT. Without infinite lives and time, the game would be in the dumpster for sure.
I want to cut Perfect Dark Zero some slack for its achievements; they were some of the first ever, after all. That said, they're also some of the most uninspired and tedious. You either beat the campaign on various difficulties or grind multiplayer statistics to truly ludicrous numbers. Mercilessly, nothing requires an internet connection. What I ended up doing was super annoying. Anything past Secret Agent difficulty is needlessly punishing, so my solution was a "co-op" playthrough with a second controller plugged in. Then, it was hours and hours of ticking up a number in bot matches while I watched TV. Perfect Dark Zero is a below-average shooter by most metrics, but achievement hunting is something I could never recommend.
Another stupid maze game. The only way to guarantee your achievements is to follow a guide very closely on a grand tour of the jungle. It's very easy to get lost, as every screen is nearly identical. Then you become paranoid that you missed something vital, even if this isn't the case. You can kill a bunch of endangered wildlife if you want. It's crazy how our tastes have evolved, because I just can't envision anyone 30 years ago having a blast with this one.
Talk about unresponsive, yeesh! This would play fine on a 16-bit system, maybe, but right now it's almost nauseating when anything happens on screen. In this game you turn into a werewolf at night (yes, Sonic Unleashed has this game to thank!) but without the time limit it barely affects the game. The cauldron that's supposed to help you break the curse will attack you as the wolf. What the hell, whose side are you on?! Tracking down each ingredient is like WWII code-breaking. You first have to identify your seed, which determines what order you will need the items and where they are located. It's like three confusing steps to determine every step of the game - and that's with the wonder of modern guiding technology. Not saying this game couldn't be fun in theory, but with the platform and execution they went with it was never going to happen here.
The only explanation for this game is that someone made it on a dare: the least fun product they could put out. You're stuck in a needlessly large vertical maze where there are maybe 10 rooms repeated ad nauseum. It's impossible to get your bearings without a map, and nearly so with one. Your control is next to none. Sabre Man must have been taking lessons from Jet Man because he jumps like he's on the moon. It's a static, impossible jump arc that makes the most simple gaps unbelievably aggravating. And that's with enemies turned OFF. Enemies don't kill you directly, but they'll force you to spin out of what little control you have. It's an awful experience.
