We've reached the end of the daily conferences (except for whatever that weird PC Gaming one's about (probably PC gaming)) so now we can settle into a series of nightly shows and wondering how many of these announced games are going to end up delayed. But that's E3, and this is the Alternative to E3, so let's just forget that first sentence ever happened. Spin around three times and clap your hands: Poof! It no longer exists. It got poofed away. Don't go back to check.
Over here I'm still looking at N64 games, and especially those of a 3D platforming persuasion. I'm not sure if I'll ever get as in-depth with another platformer as I was with Super Mario 64, because that game really had no end of weird ideas, but I'm sure I'll do something with the other prominent staples. These Alternative to E3 subjects aren't precisely staples themselves, but I still consider all four of them important/fun enough to comment on in a one-off fashion. For the prior (and, eventually, subsequent) Alternative to E3 2015 entries, just check the table at the bottom of the page. Thanks, and continue to enjoy E3 or enjoy ignoring E3.
Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon
The Legend of the Mystical Ninja was a fantastic Super Nintendo game: actually the third (or fourth, or even eighth depending on the metric you want to use) in the Ganbare! Goemon series, it balanced top-down exploration, side-scrolling action and that Konami sense of humor that was distinctively, almost overwhelmingly Japanese. Repurposing the Goemon Ishikawa legend for a rudimentary Kabuki-themed Arcade game, Konami would decide to inject some humor into the world of one of Japan's oldest folklore heroes and continue pushing the envelope with each subsequent Goemon game, heaping all sorts of non-sequiturs and anachronistic absurdities on top of a solid bedrock of action-platformer gameplay.
These facets culminated, at least in the West where we only saw a handful of Goemon localizations, with 1997's Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon (addressing the main character by his proper name, rather than the egregious appellation of "Kid Ying"). This game... is so goddamn weird. I suppose I'd be better off demonstrating:
I didn't screencap the entire intro, because it's too good for still images with no musical accompaniment. It's way too serious and rousing for the game (well, besides for Ebisumaru chowing down on onigiri). I've included a link at the end.Welcome to Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon!It's another peaceful day in Oedo Town, until......Local heroes/criminal elements Goemon and Ebisumaru get thrown out of a general goods store.The reason soon becomes apparent. No shirt, no geta, no service.Ebisumaru, incidentally, is the best part about this or any Mystical Ninja game.Goemon, you just don't understand art.Talking of which, a giant flying peach airship suddenly looms overhead.Ominous forces are afoot within...Scary flamboyant Team Rocket is behind everything! (By the way, this guy is called Spring Breeze Dancin'. With the apostrophe and everything.)They fire the Peach Mountain's beam at Oedo Castle. That's a sentence.Meanwhile, the Lord is simply maxin' and relaxin'. You know how it is when you live in a five layer pagoda.Of course, he's not too happy about the fact that this random beam has transformed his castle, inside and out, into a picturesque European castle. I mean, I can understand why.Goemon decides this is the start of another crazy adventure, and goes home so Ebisumaru can put some damn clothes on.So here's why I don't feel like I'll be covering this game in-depth: It's a story-driven adventure/RPG with a whole lot of Zelda style puzzle dungeons (and using upgrades to get to new areas) and Mario style platforming. The story nature of the game, and the fact that there's a lot of hilarious (if occasionally poorly translated) NPC chatter means it's not really a screenshot LP type of game. You need to see this in action to get the full benefit, preferably with some funny commentators.The game gates you off from the rest of the map, just to ensure that you don't skip town before dealing with the Lord's little problem. However, the castle itself is also inaccessible right now. What to do?This is where the NPCs come in. Many give you hints among the non-sequitur bon mots. We also know from a previous NPC hint that Mokubei has moved to the top of Mt. Fuji. Not exactly convenient.There's more than just NPC homes in town. You can also find coffee shops (good for exposition), restaurants (buy items to restore health), inns (restore health instantaneously), general stores (to buy single-use consumables, and a few permanent upgrades) and Plasma Man.Plasma Man, you ask? Well, that would be this fellow. Did I mention this game is a little strange?Plasma Man will prognosticate Goemon's path, essentially telling him where to go next. Because the game is an action-adventure, which during that time was an unusual combination, the developers clearly decided that providing a hint system would alleviate the frustration of those who wish to focus on the action parts.This process is extremely scientific, of course. Clinical, even.PU-LA-SU-MA!Anyway, his tip was "just walk past my house, dawg" and sure enough, the Kai Highway is through a door. This will take us directly to Mt. Fuji where we can upgrade my pipe into a grappling hook and get into the transformed Oedo Castle. Just to catch you all up.This guy simply gives us a map after we impress him with our moxie.The map isn't super useful in terms of seeing collectibles or anything, but it does give you a sense of which direction you should be heading. A bit like the Ocarina of Time map, in fact.No, it's totally the biggest, for real. Like totally.Collecting four of these Lucky Cats (a maneki-neko to your or I) gives you a free heart container. Sound familiar? What if I told you this game came out a whole year before Ocarina of Time? (Though that still gives them plenty of time to borrow this upgrade mechanic from Link to the Past, I guess.) Mt. Fuji is more or less a demo dungeon: not exactly a tutorial, because the game doesn't explain its mechanics much, but a sort of training obstacle course that'll ingrain the basics. If you fall off, you'll simply drop to an earlier part of the course. There's not a whole lot of hassle, and you can go back to recover if need be.Mt. Fuji also has an interior. Were it not for the giant angry accordion, it would remind me of Lethal Lava Land.Reached the top! And I turned into Ebisumaru. I forgot you can do that: each of the four playable characters (we have two for now) have their own skills, so you'll need to switch often to get past obstacles or find valuables. I've always loved games that do this.Yeah, thanks for moving to the summit of Mt. Fuji, dude. How the hell do you get groceries?Anyway, we get what we came for (with a little victory fanfare, as if we needed more Zelda allusions), and can head back to Oedo Castle for the game's first serious dungeon.No faster way down Mt. Fuji than to leap off. Unlike Super Mario 64, there's no fall damage I'm aware of. I am riding down the side of a mountain on my stomach, though, so there's no way that might be painful.
I think I'd better leave it there, before I get into any more trouble posting all these giant screenshots while the site's already taking the strain of everything E3-related. Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon is easily one of my favorite games for the system, and though its merger of action, adventure, RPG and platformer elements doesn't always mesh perfectly, the game's one of the funniest and weirdest that the US and Europe ever saw officially for the N64. It's a testament to the popularity of the original SNES game, I suppose, but then it's not like we saw hide nor hair of the subsequent four (!) Super Famicom games in this franchise. I guess it was more a decision borne of necessity: the system was lacking for early third-party support overseas, with most of the industry producing games for the PlayStation, so anything that wasn't shogi or mahjong was probably considered for localization.
Anyway, I highly recommend this one, though I'm sure you can all appreciate that I can't give this the same treatment that I did with Super Mario 64. It's weird, but in more of a stylistic/narrative way than Super Mario 64's many odd mechanical gimmicks and ideas. The open-world nature of it means I'll probably have to skip much of the gameplay, grabbing shots only for plot-integral moments and cutscenes - both of which lose a lot in staid screenshot form, including not least of all the amazing soundtrack.
