I saw a goomba hiding in the bushes. he tried to convince me to go in there with him, with a sly grin on his face, but I managed to ward him off with capsicum spray. i went back a few hours later, and he was coaxing an elderly gentleman in there. he caught my eye, and made the shhh sign with his non-existent hand.

I saw duke nukem, but not this fool in the picture, i mean the 2d character who liked collecting things and doing flips. he was super rad, and we hung out for hours. when the grim spectre of his future 3d persona entered the conversation, he became belligerent and starting throwing things at me. it was uncalled for, so eff that dude.

I saw the batman, and he threw five batarangs at me. i was super pissed so I hid a rancid egg in his favourite batman suit. it wasn't for several hours after he adorned that fing that he noticed the smell, ahhh, but that was too late. when the illumination of the hidden egg filled his brain, he looked up, and I was there, nodding in a knowing fashion.

I saw lion-o and he was prancing around pretending to be a tiger. he tried to bite my arm, and I got rabies, I blamed lion-o for those rabies that he had given me, and each time I foamed at the mouth, I remembered that horrible thing lion-o and his diseased mouth and lips.

I saw jim raynor on a train, and he was a bum on the train who was groping people, and sniggering to himself. i told him to stop doing that, but he stole my iphone and then fled like stephen baldwin. when he was halfway out the door, he was heard to remark, "we better fled", and then he was off.

I saw roger federer stacking it on a treadmill. he rolled over and over like a car tyre, and each of his continued oscillations made me laugh exponentially harder. nearby people asked me to leave, so I left but not before looking back at federer who was lying in a foetal position, and gave me a sly wink as I left.

I saw this dude feasting on a rosemary-laden hog. i asked him to give me some of that fing, and he growled menacingly. i booted him off his chair and stole his evening meal. i had to run extra fast to escape his crazed, slavering pursuit.

You play as Allan Border and you conspire to murder the president. the president catches wind and calls you in to the office, he is upset and that makes you upset. you try to blow your brains out with your fingers, but that doesn't work, they are fingers, they don't shoot things, they point at stuff. the president hits you with the level 10 axe of bludgeoning and you take ...

You have brutal legend and you threaten people with that fing. Some people don't like the look of that fing, and back of immediately. Others are cocky and say "that doesn't frighten me!", so you present it with a flourish, and they cry into their beards. You eat brutal legend with some side dishes and are unsatisfied with the side dishes.

I haven't played this either, but it annoys me alot that Ensemble got the boot while making this game. Thats like if JRR Tolkien was hired by microsoft to make Lord of the Halo, and then was given the boot after he made that shit. If I was JRR Tolkien, I would be all like, "You wanted Lord of the Halo!, If you don't want it any more, you don't ...

i had the demo, but i totally hacked the game to give me unlimited overs! ha ha! take that Allan Border! the game contained all the joy of cricket with the added benefit of interactivity. i was really good at it, and I was crowned the Chief by all the people who went down under my flashes of willow.

you play two robot dudes in the demo, always two. i used to look longingly at those greyed out characters in the select screen, and a drop of saliva would droop from my trembling lips. there was a praying mantis thing you could attack with and he was a robot which made it good. I don't remember what the other robot was, its a testament to how shitty he was, ...