The Sequel Blog: Part 2: The ReBloggening.
By Video_Game_King 11 Comments
Bionic Commando
( Everything about this game strikes me as incredibly weird.) Seriously, there is nothing about this game that comes off as normal. The plot, the graphics, the gameplay quirks, even the music comes off as weird! But does this weirdness make it good? On one hand, we have Cocoron being in my Top 10 video games ever. Yet on the other hand....actually, it's in the other hand, because that hand happens to be choking EarthBound as we speak. But on the third, bionic hand, there's Bionic Commando, this quirky game I liked. So where does Bionic Commando fit into all of this? Well, in the bionic hand, along with Bionic Commando. I can understand if that last exchange confused the hell out of you. Now you know how I feel about the game's story. (Yes, we're going in the order I dictated before.) The
Yes, one of the other things I found weird about this game was the presence of forests. It's limited to a few levels in the middle of the game, but I'm still going to complain about it, mainly because it was previously established that the city was nuked. And it's not like Capcom didn't know this; just about everything non-organic (the walkways, the glass ceilings, etc.) is broken, while the trees and rocks are in perfect shape, unaffected by the blue death radiation. Other than that, however, I have no qualms with the graphics, they're pretty good. Sure, the environments tend to use brown liberally, but otherwise, things look pretty good.
Oh, wait, there is one thing that doesn't look that good: the aforementioned blue death radiation. I don't know, but there's something about blue radiation clouds that look and feel weird. I can see why Capcom included them in the game; a city would suggest some sort of open-world aspect, and they needed something to make it the more linear experience they were going for. Sure, it's annoying when they place it where you'd logically go (on a wall or over a building, for example), but otherwise, I have no major problems with it. What I do have a problem with is the water. Unfortunately, that huge bionic arm of yours can't swim and sinks like a rock, a fact which gets VERY annoying in the water filled levels. Hell, it even gets annoying in levels without a lot of water, since your Bionic Commando seems to breath through his knees. Granted, you can zip yourself to safety if you get stuck in the water, but there's usually zero chance of that happening, no matter how hard you try.
Wow, I've gone four paragraphs and haven't even mentioned the whole swinging mechanic. OK, this sort of thing isn't uncommon for me, but regardless, I should kinda stop. Anyway, for such a large feature in the game, the mechanical-arm thing really needs some polishing. I noticed this the first time I started swinging outside the tutorial, only to discover that I can't do a complete 360 around objects. OK, it is possible, but it requires spinning the camera in ways nobody would ever figure out on their own; under normal circumstances, you stop halfway in your swing, like you're hitting an invisible wall. It may sound like I'm just nitpicking the game for not indulging in my fantasies, but when you're making large jumps that require precise timing, one button press can be the difference between making it and remaining stationary for a second before falling into ankle-deep water. And then drowning in it.
However, I still had a lot of fun swinging about like a robotic monkey. I'd just turn on some Panzer Dragoon or Mega Man X and quickly zip through levels, only stopping to fight enemies when it was a necessity. OK, I didn't like the combat as much as Yahtzee did, but at least I can see why other people might like it. You have a variety of weapons and moves with which you can destroy all enemies. There are moves like giant death stomps (weird), flinging yourself at enemies, flinging enemies at enemies, flinging objects at enemies, or just shooting the hell out of them with your non-bionic guns. Not only do you have a variety of moves, but the game actually encourages you to use them in creative ways. There are a metric assload of achievements related to combat, each with their own creative requirements (kite an enemy into the air and kill them in the air, blow up 10 baddies with the same grenade, kite an enemy to create a pinball effect of death).
So why didn't I like it? Well, remember that weird motif I used as the introduction? Well, you can find it here, too. Despite being creative, the achievements are incredibly easy to fulfill. In what little combat I participated in, I was tripping over achievements like I was the Avatar or something, their scores ranging from 5 to 45-bajillion. Also, there's a limited weapon inventory, a-*sigh* I'm not going to insult that concept. It utilizes the "switch out for weapon types" thing I love, but only for one class of weapons, which again, I find extremely weird. Almost as weird as the G.I. Joe coda playing every time you pick up one of the secret collectibles in a level. There, that takes care of everything I mentioned in the introduction. I think you now know how and why this game is so weird to me. Fittingly, I should end it on a weird note (something Bionic Commando apparently couldn't do). So let me end this thing on the G-I JOEEEEEE Award. (I couldn't find the actual "G-I JOEEEEEE" thing from the cartoon, so instead, I linked it to a mustache telling you not to hide in fridges.)
Review Synopsis
- Why are there incredibly healthy forests in a city that just got nuked?
- Why am I unable to do a 360 around a pole, but I can jump up onto that pole from directly underneath it?
- WHY ARE ALL OF THESE ACHIEVEMENTS SO EASY!?
This video could describe just about 90% of sequels in any medium.
Final Fight 3
( I said this in my last blog, but none of you read that, so I feel that I have to repeat myself.) I planned on reviewing this game last blog, but F.E.A.R. 2 beat Final Fight 3 here, and I have a strict "two games only" policy for these blogs. However, that's all in the past, and now I'm here, reviewing Final Fight 3. Odd, because I've always thought of the Final Fight series as one of the most average out there. In fact, the only game more average than your typical Final Fight would be the first Lufia, a game ironically notable only for how average it is. However, it seems Final Fight 3 has moved out of the average area and towards an 8.0. 
But at least when you choose from this forgettable cast, you're actually making a choice that affects gameplay (unlike previous games, where the choice was "which muscle-bound idiot would you like to mash the B button to?"). Each character has their own set of moves, fighting game style, that you can pull off whenever you please. While I respect this notion, like the swinging in Bionic Commando, those fighting moves need A LOT of work. The moves themselves are easy to use, but the problem is that you'll never use them. Just kicking enemies works fine, and throwing your enemies turns most encounters into jokes. All you have to do is walk within a foot of your target, and you'll automatically lock your enemy in place, able to throw them in any direction you wish. There's no limit or balance to it, and it can take out groups of enemies with a few blows. The only thing I can think of that actually sort of balances this is that your special move meter fills up slower when using the throw.
However, you'll still be able to use your special move more often than the actual punches. Not that you'd want to do that; this special move requires precise timing and strategy if you want to use it properly. Sure, the special move is harder to use than it should be, but other than that (and the relative ease of getting the energy to use it), I have no problems with it. Yet I still have some major problems with the combat, the worst offender being the complete lack of weapons. Why Capcom decided to not include them (even though they were in the other games) is beyond me, especially since certain enemeis actually use weapons as their main attacks. Beat them all you want, but you still won't get that weapon from their hands. Go ahead, try; you've all the time in the world. What I'm saying is that the timer counts down so slow, that I'd be able to come up with a humorous analogy for it by the time it has counted down one "second." In fact, the only time when the timer was actually low for me was in the final level, and even then, I only died once because of it.
*reads last few paragraphs* One thing I've noticed in my blogs is that I'm often harsher on games than my opinions tend to be. Just look at those last four paragraphs in which I lambasted a game I actually liked. Sure, the combat needs improvement (it seems to be a recurring motif in this blog) and you're given more lives than a cat that just downed an entire phoenix, but I still consider this game the best in the series. Why? Well, as I mentioned, the combat's decent (but not perfect), but there's also the level variety, the awesome music, and the graphics...OK, the graphics haven't improved much, but somehow, they still look better than before. Also, when you comine the multiple characters with the multiple endings, you get more replay value than all three of the previous games combined (FFGuy counts). I'd honor it with multiple awards, but I'm not that studious, so I'll give it the lone Best Bouncing Breast Physics Yet Award. I say this because I played the game as the lesbian-looking character (it was the 90s, I just wanted to be fashionable) and noticed that her idol animation was her bouncing boobs. Keep in mind this only happens when she stands still. Her breasts have minds of their own. They are deadly breasts that must be stopped.
Review Synopsis
- Mike Haggar apparently started the trend of "musclebound politicians who are absolute shit at what they do."
- The fighting is better than ever, but still in need of some work.
- Great graphics and music.