(But don't rejoice, because I don't like it.) What game do I speak of? Lego Indy, of course. But because I don't like it, I'm going to talk about other things for a few paragraphs, like Kefka's awesomeness, or a game I actually liked. I'll do the latter, mainly because I planned to do that with Bonk III: Bonk's Big Adventure. A sequel to the "eh" Bonk's Revenge (on what, exactly?), Bonk must once again do....something. The game doesn't explain, but does it need to? Stories are for RPGs. What we really want here is fun. OK, what I really want is to have a blog that people actually read, but I'll settle for fun. And that's what Bonk III is: fun. Like any platformer, you kill enemies by jumping on them, but in a different kind of way. Instead of simply planting a foot in their skull, you have to bash your skull into their face. It's a really fun way of killing your enemies, and a good way to build up combos. You can bounce off an enemy mid-jump, or hover above them and continue to bash their skulls in with yours.
That last technique only works in boss battles, but don't worry, for most of them are pretty fun, like the rest of the game. You know what else is fun? The bonus games. At the end of each level, you pay the game to play in a bonus level of your choice. You can get them for free in the actual levels, but you don't get to choose. Each one makes creative use of what it has, like a tube maze, bashing your head to victory, or destroying a building a la Rampage. There were a few I didn't like, but the fact that I could choose which ones to play negates their suck factor. Other than those mini-games, there wasn't much about the game that I didn't like.
I'd say the game is short, but keep in mind the username; I can only call a game short if other people do. Or if I have proof from the game itself. I can't fault the graphics or the music, which are the best I've seen on the TG-16, so what keeps me from humping this game to perfection? Nothing I can point out, really. It's a good example of a game that has no exterior flaws, but isn't exactly perfect. I guess the common flaw in these games is depth, but when has simplicity been a problem? Simple games can be fun, and Bonk 3 is a good example of that. So I give it the Fun Award.
But you know what isn't fun? Bashing everything in sight AND trying to achieve a goal/solve a puzzle. By which I mean Lego Indy. Yes, I found the game to be overrated, and not even in the good Final Fantasy VII kind of way. More like the bad Halo 3 kind of way. Seems like I made this controversial by the second line, but I can go further! You know how I start EVERYSINGLEONE of my reviews by briefing you on the protagonist and the overall story? Yea, not gonna work this time, is it? Whatever I could say is already in the damn title. However, there's still a lot worth mentioning about the story, like the lack of words. I heavily respect games that tell a story with no words, and Lego Indy does a great job, pantomiming each scene with humorous grunts, whines, gestures and similar tactics. The only problem? The game runs on charm (that's not the problem; I want more of this in the industry), but a lot of it comes from the movies and having watched them. If you haven't watched the original movies (and if you're part of the Lego Indy target audience, chances are you haven't), your experience will suffer for it. And this carries over into the gameplay, unfortunately, since many boss and level strategies derive from the movies. For example, near the end of the Last Crusade is the Holy Grail scene where you have to pick the right grail to beat the game. If you watched the movie, you'll know which one to pick; if you didn't (like me), you'll grab everyone and drink from each grail, trying to get the right one until you reach the point where they regenerate, at which point you either beat your TV into plastic ashes or look up which one it is in an FAQ.
A lot of the game seems to have confused me on multiple occasions. Certain bosses have the weirdest ways of beating them, like beating up the henchemn, stealing their hats, and asking the gods to beat the boss into a bloody mess. And do you know how many times I've had to jump around a certain level, trying to find out the one random thing I missed in order to progress? That's bad level design, and I had nothing to do with it. For another example, let's head back to the near end of the game. Before you can get the Grail, you have to build some sort of ram by finding 3 boxes and assembling the Legos. I found two of them easy, but the last one was absolute hell. Do you know how to get it? Beat up a car until the box pops out. How the hell are you supposed to figure that out!? The car (and those nearby) was broken down, so I though you had to repair it with a wrench (that I couldn't find). It wasn't until I looked it up in an FAQ that I found out you had to beat the car up.
Speaking of beating things up, the combat. Put simply, it is mindless and repetitive. You can punch the shit out of Nazis, whip them, or use nearby weapons. The last one is a bit haphazard, especially if you don't have auto targetting. Random weapons like chairs or bottles have it, but guns don't, meaning you have to spin Indy in circles until he hits something or gets dizzy. Still better than fists, where you mash the X button until everything in front of you is dead. After that's all done, you proceed to doing the same thing, only with nearby Lego products. This is the game's biggest flaw: the assloads of destruction. There are a billion destroyable objects in each level, and it gets really repetitive breaking every single one to get the True Adventurer rank. Not that that's a problem, given how easily you get it. However, the problem is that you're destroying shit while simultaneously trying to achieve a completely separate goal. Game developers, listen up: if you're going to make wanton destruction a big part of your game, make it the ONLY part of your game. In fact, make it the only GOAL of your game, like Rampage in the 2D realm, and Blast Corps in 3D. If you introduce something else, you end up spoiling both destruction and what you introduced.
Normally, this is the part where I name the flaws of the game in order to keep you guys from thinking it's perfect, but given the circumstances, I'll have to reverse my strategy. I'll give the game credit for the graphics, which are pretty decent. The only thing I found odd about them is that not everything is rendered in Lego. That's probably for the better, though, since it'd make the 360 CPU explode into a million pieces. And for all the crap I throw at it, the game is still technically sound; there are no major glitches or control issues. But there are plenty of gameplay issues that I previously listed, and all of them kept me from enjoying the game. There's also the protagonistal problem, which earns the Harshest College Professor Award. Why? This guy carries around a fucking whip. Say what you will of Dean Vernon from Animal House, but at least the guy never carried around a whip. Can you imagine what it would've been like to take a college class with INDIANA JONES as your professor? Unfortunately, I can:
Indy said:
*I enter* Oh, Vincent. Hey, wanted a word with you.
Yea, what's this about, exactly? Is it about my dissertation? *points up*
Indy said: No, it's about your tuition. You haven't payed it in 3 semesters.
Oh....that....Yea, I just don't have the money.
Indy said: I'm not buying it. *pulls out his whip*
Wh.....what's that whip for?
Indy said: I whip Nazis 4 years ago in Egypt. You think I can't whip your ass, boy?
Look, I s-*gets whipped* Hey, quit it!
Indy said: I plan to get my money! *whips me to tears* Now, are you going to get me the money?
*sobbing*
Indy said: Well, are ya?
Y......yes......
Writey Guy said: Forgot about your crown, didn't you? Idiot.
Indy said: You're next, Mr. Fancy Blogs. *chases Writey Guy out of office, whipping any student he stumbles across*
Oh, and for those who don't like my blogs for some reason, here's an embed of Yahtzee's take on the game I bashed.
Log in to comment