No recent wiki edits to this page.

Squirrels come in many colors which denote their breed and thus temperance. For example, while the Red Squirrel is relatively timid, the Grey Squirrel is extremely violent. The temperance of robotic squirrels is yet to be determined. This distinction is rarely found in games, where Red Squirrels such as Conker in Conker's Bad Fur Day, or the critters found in World of Warcraft will kill relentlessly. The animals also vary significantly, ranging from the three-inch long African pygmy squirrel to the thirty-inch long Alpine marmot. Some species can even fly.

Conker from Conker's Bad Fur Day. A squirrel marine.

This variation within the species means that squirrels are naturally suited to video games. Everything from beat-em-ups to flight simulators are possible within their furry boundaries, and this adaptability has been aptly explored by games such as Happy Tree Friends and Conker's Bad Fur Day.

When squirrels are born they are naked, toothless and blind. This is widely considered the only time in which a Grey Squirrel is safe enough to turn your back on, although be wary of attack from above by family members. Generally safe unless approached or made eye contact with, the important thing to remember when dealing with squirrels is that they become lethal when cornered. Never allow a squirrel to smell your fear.

A squirrel in World of Warcraft planting a mine.

There are many tactical considerations when facing a population of squirrels. For example, while tree and land dwelling squirrels are awake during the day, flying squirrels are nocturnal. Thus, it is important to have a mixture of both ground-facing and air-facing weaponry if the confrontation is expected to last more than twelve hours. Furthermore, squirrels are known to stockpile their food supplies over the winter. This means that it is unlikely that you will be able to outlast them in a siege situation, and you will need to post a large detachment of your forces to protecting incoming food supplies as this is the most tactically advantageous target for the squirrels to destroy. Beware of improvised explosive devices along your supply lines.

Squirrels like to eat nuts, but rarely in a homoerotic way. This distinction is important to remember if you are attempting to distract them, as if you confuse the two meanings of the word nuts serious injury may occur. If attempting to defeat squirrels using food, your best bet is to feed it foods which are rich in cellulose such as processed Parmesan cheese as squirrels will be unable to digest said food and die of starvation. Given the importance of vegetation in the squirrel's diet, any vegetarian must be assumed to be a squirrel sympathizer.

This edit will also create new pages on Giant Bomb for:

Beware, you are proposing to add brand new pages to the wiki along with your edits. Make sure this is what you intended. This will likely increase the time it takes for your changes to go live.

Comment and Save

Until you earn 1000 points all your submissions need to be vetted by other Giant Bomb users. This process takes no more than a few hours and we'll send you an email once approved.