Hi I'm Maffew and I watch wrestling and laugh at the bad bits because as a child I was bitten by a radioactive insecurity. You can find my work at botchamania.com and follow me on Twitter and the only reason I was given a shot here was due to Mr. Ryckert sharing a drink with me in Orlando. I literally only played games this year to not let him down.
Nintendo half-inched some of the best bits from Psychonauts for Super Mario Galaxy so they continued their Tarantino descent into tribute by homaging Space Station Silicon Valley and making it the size of Banjo-Tooie with the hat-throwing of Moonwalker (I started well). It's welcome to see Nintendo back to making very good Mario games to make people want to buy a console just to play it after the endless cycle of games called ''Super Mario 3D'' with different words after them. The game is huge and the Switch allows the player complete control over a game needing often-complex button inputs. And Bowser dresses in a white suit.
Positives: Dressing up as Astronaut-Clown Mario and killing Pirate Rabbits.
Negatives: ''Good job walking in a circle Mario! Now do it again.''
9. WWE 2K19
I have to put this here as Cultaholic got a sneak peak and a review quote on WWE TV for a solid month.
Positives: Big Head Mode from Goldeneye.
Negatives: I didn't get a free copy.
An adorable little game that fulfills my fantasy of Binding Of Isaac but if it was based on a shmup instead of NES Zelda. Ticking all the retro HD boxes requiring smooth olde graphics and a pumping chiptune soundtrack, it also costs the same as a meal deal.
Positives: Very forgiving considering the point of a shmup is to not get hit.
Negatives: Not forgiving enough to not let me beat the game without trying.
I only bought MGS V to test drive my PS4 Slim to make sure it worked. After the first mission I was ready to go try Spider-Man or Red Dead Redemption II but then Ocelot explained the whole ''you make your own army by attaching balloons to enemy soldiers and we convince them to join by showing them the cool base and cute dog they get to pet in between missions'' and suddenly other games went out the window as I spent my time restarting missions to Fulton extract a guy who can give my horse body armor. I've usually enjoyed watching MGS more than playing it but thankfully this one stopped the tide.
Positives: ''Alright DD, I'll take the left you flank the right.''
Negatives: Er hey how about that Quiet character huh? Has to breathe through her skin because she's a plant. With squishy tits.
Made for furries but guaranteed to make you furious, everyone's favorite not-a-mascot gets a fresh lick of paint to remind us all we were better at games when we were kids and being an adult sucks. The tight gameplay is still there, the music is still wonderful, the frustration at messing up a jump is still there and I'm still there playing it, even when jet-skiing.
Positives: The satisfaction of beating Slippery Ascent, the level not intended for human consumption.
Negatives: Good thing I played the hell out of this as a kid and I know I'm supposed to grab that second dinosaur or enter via the red gem entrance from the second floor.
Inside takes the concept of Limbo and removes the majority of the annoyance and replaces it with a seductively shadowy plot to keep you motivated enough to continue pushing and pulling zombies around. Less said the better, imagine Abe's Odyssey if directed by David Lynch and you're nearly there.
Positives: Don't Google, go play it.
Negatives: I said don't Google!
Positives: Just look at it.
Negatives: THAT DRAGON.
Sonic Generations was a Sonic game made for people who enjoyed the original Mega Drive games. Sonic Mania Plus was made for the nerds that wanted a chance to play Dust Hill Zone in something other than a fan-mod. I'm only a fan of Sonic when he's 16-bits or less and Sonic Mania Plus stands as the best obsessive love letter since Stan by Eminem.
Positives: SONIC HE CAN REALLY MOVE, SONIC HE'S GOT AN ATTITUUUUDE.
Negatives: The possibility that love is not enough.
I was ready to put this sucker at Number 10 out of spite of having to put up with playing Smash Bros. with anything other than the Gamecube pad and SD-ing due to not being able to adapt to modern technology (which is never good when playing with a console you can discus across the room with ease) but one Rocky IV-esque marathon training later and everything's OK again. Nintendo has dealt with the awkward task of ''how do we update Smash without changing too much but not just re-releasing the Wii U version?'' by deciding to include absolutely everything from the previous games, giving us the King of Fighters '98 version of Smash and letting the fans decide how to play it. I'm like Cypher in The Matrix: I know this game is a nostalgia grab and I'm only putting this number two because of K. Rool and the Gangplank Galleon but I don't care. Playing games loses something when it's just you posting your high scores to a digital world but now I can Smash online and can potentially have GrandPOObear thrashing me, then I can live with it.
Positives: super fuckkkken smaaaashh brooosss
Negatives: Local multiplayer just isn't happening until that adapter gets released.
I only know what heroin addiction looks like from watching The Wire, but I know that there's no way it can be as life-consuming or as rewarding as Binding of Isaac. The design of the game brings out the gambler in myself, meaning I'll try another run as maybe the next one will be better and then suddenly it's 3 a.m. and Steam tells me ''377 hours played.'' I've included the Switch version here to add more modern games to this list but I've deliberately avoided buying it because if I want to guarantee I'm leaving my house fully-dressed rather than walking into traffic with my balls out and my eyes locked onto my Switch I'll not buy this. Actually that'd be OK as long as they injected this into my very soul so I can play it in the afterlife.
Positives: Needing to stop for food and shitting.
Negatives: Eternity is too short.