OR: This blog isn't about Chrono Trigger, but I think Final Fantasy V is the best Final Fantasy.

Sooo... yeah. Video games, right guys? Since my last blog I started King's Bounty: Warriors of the North and will probably at some point think about finishing Kameo. While I feel like any write-up on Warriors of the North would just be me saying “Hey, it's like those other two King's Bounty games but there are vikings and sometimes the game crashes for no reason”. Kameo is totally decent, but the way it treats the player like an idiot keeps me from being able to deal with it for longer sittings. I can confirm that it is exponentially better than Grabbed by the Ghoulies and is probably also better than 99% of the Xbox 360's launch lineup, for as low a standard as that may be (the 1% is possibly Call of Duty 2, but I haven't played that one in like 5 years), so you'll probably see something on it at some point.

In any case, thanks to a thread decrying the evils of Steam's convenience and wide selection in favor of DRM-free peddlers of independent titles, I sort of ended up buying this indie RPG bundle from Bundle in a Box, also known as “Not the Humble Bundle”. Now the first warning sign that I may have made a bad decision with my $2 is that most of these games aren't actually in the wiki. Yeah, I get it, Platformers with art styles (™) are the ones that sell a bajillion copies on Steam, get the adoration of the mainstream press and along with barely-interactive non-games are sort of what one thinks of when the term “indie game” is thrown around. Well, I'm glad(?) to report that there are people making indie RPGs too. You may remember my friend Inquisitor from last fall as an example of “Great premise, abysmal execution”, perhaps Spiderweb Software's large catalog of high-quality comfort food RPGs, or maybe those Zeboyd games with the ultra-streamlined mechanics and grating sense of humor. All of them are on Steam or GOG, after all. Well, forget Steam, they're too mainstream. Forget GOG, they're too Polish. We're going down into the low-budget catacombs of obscure indie junk and I hope you brought a light, because there are Goatmen everywhere.

Keep in mind that these are basically superficial impressions based on playing any of these games for like an hour MAX. I have very little idea what kind of people actually buy these games, but I'm guessing most of them don't hang out around here, so I'm probably going to get away with this scot free.

Empires and Dungeons 2

Is ostensibly a strategy game with RPG elements, like all of those other strategy games I like to play, with something of a middle-eastern bent. As a sultan, you move around a tile-based map collecting resources, building up your fortress and occasionally “exploring” a randomly generated dungeon (which is to say you move from tile to tile fighting monsters by pressing one of three attack buttons and occasionally healing) in order to gain more gold and “honor”. It all seemed a bit shallow, to be honest, and between the three sound effects, the single 30 second music loop I figured I was good after two scenarios.

Styrateg

See above, but make it more RPG and less strategy. You move a handful of units around a tile-based, killing things for experience. I think “Why am I not just playing Heroes of Might and Magic/Disciples II/Age of Wonders/Eador/Master of Magic right now?” and stop.

Gamebook Adventures 2: Rise of the Necromancer

It's a “Choose your own adventure” book with stats, not dissimilar to something like King of Dragon Pass (a game I fully recommend only because of how crazy it is), but obviously more limited. Like, literally, the game presents itself as a book and tells you to turn to page X, which is pretty dang clever and hearkens back to a particular part of grade school where I read a ton of those suckers. I'm not sure how varied the game actually gets with multiple playthroughs, but it has an internal achievement system for getting specific things to happen (as well as getting the best possible ending). I ended up dying after a couple of bum rolls, but I might try again because it's probably the weirdest thing in this entire bundle.

Unemployment Quest

I get it. It's a commentary on being an unemployed young person but like it was a JRPG. Cute, but I'm already unemployed and I don't need to play a game that reminds me of that fact. Also it's deliberately tedious, so eff that noise. I'm sure it'd probably be decent if I gave it an honest shot, but ehhhh.

Dungeon Fray

Minimalistic Roguelike something something. You pick Fighter/Mage/Thief, get coins, use coins to buy stats, spells and potions, die because the randomly generated level surrounds you with high level monsters that you can't hurt. I know that Roguelike mechanics are the new “RPG-style progression in games that aren't RPGs”, but if we're getting down to the actual games that have inspired that trend, I want more options and not less. It did inspire me to reinstall Dungeons of Dredmor and The Binding of Isaac, so it has that going for it.

Hack, Slash, Loot

For some reason, it didn't want to run on my computer this time around, but being the only game in this bundle that is actually on Steam, I've played it before and I am proud to say: Minimalistic Roguelike something something. I must have disliked what I played enough to actually write an anti-recommendation on steam, so feel free to check that out.

Inaria

As far as I can tell, this is one of those deliberate throwbacks to old games, and in this case it seems like it's trying to imitate the first few Ultima titles but with a semi-open character development system and an interface that doesn't baffle me as someone born after the fall of communism. Might be alright. Then it crashed and I decided that I was probably good not spending any more time on it when I still have never gotten past the first few hours in Vampire: The Masquerade or... Thunderscape? Yeah, let's go with Thunderscape for a possible resurgence of me making fun of CD-ROM era DOS games. That, or Descent into Undermountain because that would no doubt be high-larious.

Frayed Knights: The Skull of Smakh-Daon

If you chuckled at the title, congratulations: that is about the level of humor you can expect from this “humorous” RPG. Ok, I'm being really flippant. Frayed Knights seems like the most complete and “Actually a RPG” among this bundle of things that can very loosely be called Role Playing Games. It clearly takes some amount of influence from Wizardry, so I can confirm that the combat seems alright... but like a lot of games that try to be funny, it thinks that it's more clever than it actually is. Your party is essentially the B-team, loveable misfits of the RPG adventuring world, and that premise has plenty of room to be great, but while I didn't cringe at most of the attempts at humor, I did sort of roll my eyes. Maybe it gets better later on, but unlike most of these other games it at least has enough depth to be interesting from a mechanical angle. I think I'll keep it installed. It's not like a game being bad has stopped me from playing it, as the past several months of blogging have attested and for all I know this game may not end up being bad.

And that was my wonderful, extra-crispy adventure into the dark world of video games that are on Steam Greenlight (a few of these actually are, by the way, so if you feel the need to vote up Frayed Knights, go for it) but don't get approved because they aren't about zombies, slenderman, unrealistic promises given by games that are still in a pre-alpha state, unique art styles or zombie slendermans. I feel like I've been educated if nothing else. I'm going to guess that RPGs are harder to make than many other kinds of games, and if you don't have the pedigree to make 4 Million dollars on Kickstarter you're stuck with the money and talent that you do have. I almost feel bad, because unlike those old blogs where I made fun of DOS games and recorded videos of them, the people making these games are obviously still in business and these titles aren't something I found on shady abandonware sites. But that's life, I guess. To me, stuff like Avernum and Eador are proof that zero-budget games without a ton of aesthetic flair can be just as compelling as the Baldur's Gates of the universe.

If you're interested in reproducing my experiences, the bundle is going on for 8 more hours at the time of me posting this (link in the second paragraph). I wouldn't recommend it, but whatever. I probably should've paid above the average to get a handful of other stuff, but I see no way to up my pledge and I'd imagine a lot of the same things would be said. Have a good one.