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MattyFTM

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A drunklen rant

By MattyFTM 159 Comments

Heys duders.it's st patrocks day and ive had a lot of guinness. I think im at the stage where: 

  • I can talk and type legibly
  • I am tallkign bullshite
but if this is complete crap and is undreadable, then i am sorry.
 
Anyways, here are a few random thoughts that pop into the head of t adrunk person: 
  1. Why did i drink this much?
  2. hOW MUCH DID i DRINK? 
  3. hOW DID i ACCIDENTALLY PRESS TH ECAPS LOCK KEY?
  4. why, in a shoping senter with one automatic door and lots of manule doors does everione go in and out in the auotomatic foor and no one used any of the the manyual doors?
  5. what does the user name mracoon mean? is it mr racoon, m racoon or just one thing mracoon?
  6. why do i want to constantly tipe the word awesomeness?
  7.  awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness  awesomeness   
  8. drinking = awesomeness  
  9. jesus, how am i already up to 9
  10. why did i think posting this woudl be a good idea
  11. dont drink its bad for you. trust me kids, dont do it
  12. y0u twittr people are bad for encouraging me.e
  13. i'm about to listen to the laTEST BOMBCAST. WILL IT BE BETTER now WHEN DRUNK OR tomorrow when SOBER?
  14. DAMN CAPS LOCK KEY AGAIN
  15. sex = awesomeness
  16. why the hell am i so fat. someone needs to kick me into shape
  17. how the hell have i vome up wiuth so many dumb and stupid points
  18. why do i find this joke i jiust mad up about my mates recent ex girdlfriend so funny "why did web cross the road? because she was a dumb fuck and you need stop thinking about her!!!"
  19. why did i tell that joke to my friend
  20. why am is uch a terrible friendd?
  21. why am i still typing nonsens when i cood be in bed
  22. i've jus read over this blog gain. i couldn't stop laughting. it's hilarious.
  23. i;m sure it isne actually that funny, buyt its booom funny to me.
 
Rite, i'm sure thats it. goodnight.
159 Comments

160 Comments

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Dalai

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Edited By Dalai

I think we should call him Matty Light from now on.

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Dirty_Harry

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Edited By Dirty_Harry

Amazing.

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beargirl1

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Edited By beargirl1

Endogene was the shit. also this is still the best blog post ever

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Skytylz

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Edited By Skytylz

A moderator typing this is why Giant Bomb is awesome.

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spacetrucking

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Edited By spacetrucking
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RelentlessKnight

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Edited By RelentlessKnight

we all need to get drunk once and a while

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mike

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Edited By mike
@Lowbrow said:
" This needs to be stickied. "
=P
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beargirl1

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Edited By beargirl1
@MB: oh my god what have you done 
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Binman88

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Edited By Binman88

Hi gusy lo0k at me I am drnuk lol i cantt type good bceusae iam durmnk lolo pay attenshion to meee im' druNK I SWEAR It! realyy i'am! 

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mike

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Edited By mike
@AjayRaz said:

" @MB: oh my god what have you done  "

The Giant Bomb equivalent of drawing on the first person to pass out's face with a permanent marker.
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beargirl1

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Edited By beargirl1
@MB said:
" @AjayRaz said:

" @MB: oh my god what have you done  "

The Giant Bomb equivalent of drawing on the first person to pass out's face with a permanent marker. "
aha, well put. 
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frankxiv

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Edited By frankxiv

at least it's not as bad as this quality drunk-post from a friend of mine elsewhere

only a little drunk but just missed out on oral sex cause i couldn't get it up

not drunk enough to play it off as the alcohol's fault though  


it got quoted a couple times so he couldn't edit it when he sobered up

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DanielJW

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Edited By DanielJW

Oh Saint Patrick's Day. What other blessings hath thou for us?

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JJWeatherman

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Edited By JJWeatherman

What the fuck is this shit?!

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Hamz

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Edited By Hamz
@JJWeatherman said:
" What the fuck is this shit?! "
This is called gold, internet gold!
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ToxicFruit

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Edited By ToxicFruit

HAH ! love that you anchored it.

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MAN_FLANNEL

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Edited By MAN_FLANNEL

You must be really lame. 

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rottendevice

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Edited By rottendevice

I've never understood how the man who basically converted an entire country to Catholicism now has a holiday associated with binge drinking. 
 
Oh well, happy St. Patty's Day!  

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deathfury

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Edited By deathfury

This is the best around.

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Aetos

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Edited By Aetos

This is great, I love this site.

Happy St. Patty's Day Matty.

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Bigbombomb

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Edited By Bigbombomb

Now this is a St. Patrick's Day!

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Claude

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Edited By Claude

Has he passed out yet? Let's play a game.
 

No Caption Provided
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TheHT

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Edited By TheHT

wtf kinda thread did i stumble into.

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AgentofChaos

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Edited By AgentofChaos

Matty has some dickhead friends.

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Red12b

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Edited By Red12b

Mat, you are legend,  
MB you are legend  

I love you all, and to all a good night, 
 
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Semition

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Edited By Semition

This actually got stickied?
 
btw, I think its "mr acoon" and is unrelated to racoons.

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Red12b

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Edited By Red12b

This is so awesome,  
I am at work, Laughing, My Staff are looking at me with funny looks, 
 
 
I need to go back to work,  
 
 
 
This is awesome.
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turboman

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Edited By turboman

This Thread Is Stupid.

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vaiz

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Edited By vaiz

This thread, is the best thread, ever.

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DanceDanceKennypants

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Edited By DanceDanceKennypants
@MattyFTM: 
 
God bless, Matty. I hope you're sleeping off all that wonderful black gold... It'll dry you out like a sultana overnight. But hey, it's always St. Patrick's Day somewhere. 
 
If you're ever in Cork, give us a bell and we'll give you the authentic Irish stout experience. I promise you, you will not be able to even see the keyboard.
 
That goes for all Giant Bombers, btw. Come to Cork! The land of saints, scholars, and pissed-up begrudgery. Oh, and Beamish stout. You have to try it at least once.
 
Also, I think the "m" in mracoon is silent.
 
Reading this post warms my heart. Happy St. Patrick's Day to all! It's been and gone here in Ireland. I've got work today, so I had a quiet one. :( 
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MadBootsy

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Edited By MadBootsy

Good times!

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inkeiren

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Edited By inkeiren

Oh, man.
 
Best thread ever.

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drowsap

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Edited By drowsap

I just hope that the mod has to close his own thread lol that would be epic

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inkeiren

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Edited By inkeiren

I do kind of feel bad about what he'll feel like reading this tomorrow.

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ArbitraryWater

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Edited By ArbitraryWater

Wow. This is the greatest thread ever.

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eroticfishcake

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Edited By eroticfishcake

The fact that you got bullet points in is pretty impressive you know?
 
Also, I always say it as m racoon.
 
Hope you've had a nice Paddy's Day. You seem to have enjoyed it very much by the looks of it.

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Coombs

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Edited By Coombs

 Beer Goggles Are To Be Feared
 Beer Goggles Are To Be Feared
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NickL

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Edited By NickL

this is even more fucking hilarious now that it was stickied....

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alsnuts2

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Edited By alsnuts2

Consider this:  
He had the wherewith-all to put this thread in the appropriate forum "Beer"  
In point #23 he has invented the word 
"booom" def- used as an intensifier but only when a particular state of being. Example "I normally dont find Sally very attractive, but after 15 mojitos she becomes booom hot" or "im not a homosexual but when I smoke a fat bag of crack I am booom willing to blow a guy for 4 dollars." or "i;m sure it isne actually that funny, buyt its booom funny to me"  
MattyFTM is now in my hall of legends. I want a hat a tshirt and this list stitched on a pillow

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CoolDrMoney

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Edited By CoolDrMoney
@Binman88 said:

" Hi gusy lo0k at me I am drnuk lol i cantt type good bceusae iam durmnk lolo pay attenshion to meee im' druNK I SWEAR It! realyy i'am!  "

 I love you, you legend. this is the best post ever. This guy is epic drunk amazing. awesome, awesome ever
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W0lfbl1tzers

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Edited By W0lfbl1tzers

Even though I hate seeing people drunk, this was fanfuckingtastic. 

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crona

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Edited By crona

Happy St-Patty's Day!  May the wonders of this day always bring you laughs, friends, and inebriation. 
 
And on a serious note, when you wake up and see this, I don't think you should be ashamed. I think you should print your post and frame it! Call it... "Why I Drink" 
 
Side-Note: I couldn't drink today... stupid college. I'll make up for it this weekend though.

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ninjakiller

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Edited By ninjakiller

This stupid day.  I wish they never passed that law mandating drinking and spousal abuse every March 17th.  
 
I hate the bars, money just disappears from my wallet when I'm inside them. 

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matthew

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Edited By matthew
@Toxic said:
" HAH ! love that you anchored it. "
Awesome.  Pure awesome.
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ajamafalous

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Edited By ajamafalous

Man, this is stickied now?

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iBePeRFeCT

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Edited By iBePeRFeCT

One of the many reasons I love this site.  Drunken rants getting stickied.

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rallier

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Edited By rallier

*starts slow clap*

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MattyFTM

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Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

Man, was this post really only 9 hours ago? It seems like a whole different universe. Anyways, I have a thumping headache and now I've got to spend my morning hunting down and killing MB for stickying this :P . On the bright side it was an awesome blog post. I'm surprised I managed to post it. I think I was right at the point before losing all ability to effectively use a computer or keyboard at all.

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Cube

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Edited By Cube

I wonder if GameSpot would let mods post like this. 

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Red12b

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Edited By Red12b
@MattyFTM:  
You sir are awesome, 
 
@Cube said:
" I wonder if GameSpot would let mods post like this.  "
Probably not, but fuck em'