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Bad Game Pitch #1: EA Spore-ts

Jeff Gerstmann has no business pitching games. He also has no business writing about himself in the third-person.

Two-Sport skeleton athlete, Bones Jackson.
OK, this is something that's been milling around in my head for a few days (it even made it to the office to-do whiteboard alongside "more beers"), but a report from Kotaku's Brian Crecente on EA considering the future of Spore and the possibility of using it as a platform for other, different types of games cemented it in my head.

So, if I may make what may be the first of many Bad Game Pitches here, I present the following.

EA Spore-ts


OK, every month or two, someone jumps on a message board and types some form of this sentence: "Hey, remember Mutant League Football?" This is almost always met with "dude, they should make another one of those!"

The time is now.

Mutants are played out.

The platform is Spore.

At the beginning of the game you'd work with a basic, low number of DNA points and attempt to create a creature that might be able to play a low-rules game of football. When you first take this team onto the field, chances are it'll get crushed. But you'll learn how to work your basic creature and earn DNA points along the way.

Can this devil frog catch a pass, or what?
DNA points, obviously, would be used to enhance and upgrade your different players. Naturally, you'd want your quarterback creature to eventually develop terrific vision and a cannon arm. Your wide receivers could eventually get sticky hands and extending arms that reach out and snag passes out of the sky with ease. Linemen would develop into bulkier, spiked creatures. Brain power and upgrades would be required to ensure that your players could remember routes and coverage assignments. And your own personal strengths as a player would end up determining what your optimum football team would excel in.

The creatures you create would, of course, be uploaded into the EA Spore-ts-o-pedia, which would be used to generate random teams on the fly for you to play against as you attempt to make all other football teams extinct.

I don't know about you, but I would spend all my DNA points to create a reasonable facsimile of Bones Jackson.
Jeff Gerstmann on Google+
35 Comments
Posted by Jeff
Two-Sport skeleton athlete, Bones Jackson.
OK, this is something that's been milling around in my head for a few days (it even made it to the office to-do whiteboard alongside "more beers"), but a report from Kotaku's Brian Crecente on EA considering the future of Spore and the possibility of using it as a platform for other, different types of games cemented it in my head.

So, if I may make what may be the first of many Bad Game Pitches here, I present the following.

EA Spore-ts


OK, every month or two, someone jumps on a message board and types some form of this sentence: "Hey, remember Mutant League Football?" This is almost always met with "dude, they should make another one of those!"

The time is now.

Mutants are played out.

The platform is Spore.

At the beginning of the game you'd work with a basic, low number of DNA points and attempt to create a creature that might be able to play a low-rules game of football. When you first take this team onto the field, chances are it'll get crushed. But you'll learn how to work your basic creature and earn DNA points along the way.

Can this devil frog catch a pass, or what?
DNA points, obviously, would be used to enhance and upgrade your different players. Naturally, you'd want your quarterback creature to eventually develop terrific vision and a cannon arm. Your wide receivers could eventually get sticky hands and extending arms that reach out and snag passes out of the sky with ease. Linemen would develop into bulkier, spiked creatures. Brain power and upgrades would be required to ensure that your players could remember routes and coverage assignments. And your own personal strengths as a player would end up determining what your optimum football team would excel in.

The creatures you create would, of course, be uploaded into the EA Spore-ts-o-pedia, which would be used to generate random teams on the fly for you to play against as you attempt to make all other football teams extinct.

I don't know about you, but I would spend all my DNA points to create a reasonable facsimile of Bones Jackson.
Staff
Posted by hide

They should, not make another one of those.

I wish you the best of luck creating a Bones Jackson though.
Posted by Clint

The scary part is:

Spore-ts actually sounds like fun.

Do it.  Giant Bomb Game Studios.  Go.
Posted by Shasam

What a good bad game idea.

Posted by Gre

That actually sounds like a great idea.  From what I've heard, the Spore creature creator is almost too good for the game itself.  It would actually be smart for EA to use that platform for other games, and sports games seem to be a great fit.  Heck, if Spore were moddable enough, someone could make this game now, just like they made Griffball for Halo.

Sure a spore-based mutant football game would really hard to balance, but it's supposed to be about fun, not balance!

Posted by XXXXX

Bad Game Pitch #2

Spore Road Rash.

Posted by MasterSplinter

How about Zack & Wiki Make a Spore-no.

Do I really need to type a description?

Posted by Elk

2 Yard penalty to Jeff for spitting

Posted by Milkman

Perfect. And since its EA, you can just slap the NFL liscense on there and there ya go, Sporedden NFL 09.

Online
Posted by Gre

...How about Zack & Wiki Make a Spore-no.

That's already been done.  Go to youtube.

Posted by VoidPresence

Madden:  "so HERE's a guy who can pitch a game almost as well as Bones Jackson can hike a golf ball"  /wake-up

Posted by thatguy

Holy shit, this seriously needs to be a game.

Posted by LordAndrew

Spore creatures are the new Miis.
Go on, EA. Make it happen.

Posted by Torb

Wow...that actually sounds pretty freakin amazing. Stick a couple lines of code from Madden in there and poof, football spore.

Posted by TheGreatGuero

Bad game pitch? Jeff, I would totally play this! And dude, I'm not really even a football fan.

Posted by Krelle

I couldnt care less about American Football (as a swede).

But yeah, Id play this.
Posted by Alphazero

Coming Holiday 2009 from Carbon Neutral Games.

I'd play it.

Posted by eternalmatt

I searched the Sporepedia to see if someone created a Bones Jackson creature.
I was sadly dissapointed.

Then I thought, "What about a Gerstmann creature?"
I was let down again. Why hasn't anyone created a Gerstmann?

Posted by MrKlorox

I gotta tell a friend about this idea. He'll definitely get a kick out of it.

Posted by AlucardaLaCarte

I disagree wholeheartedly!...I think Jeff should ONLY speak in third-person.

Posted by Stokes

Why not a similar Mutant League Hockey remake?

Posted by Dimsey

I would play Spore football.
However... Dude! They should TOTALLY make another Mutant League game!
I don't even really care if it's football. I'd be up for more Ice Hockey.
Or they could do a Basketball one which they were doing but to my knowledge never came out.
Has to be done.

Posted by albedos_shadow

Oh, shit, that would be awesome.

Posted by Chytynous

I've been praying for a new Mutant League game for years but the gods have not seen fit to deliver.

Posted by Pierce

I feel disillusioned.  Did anyone else watch Mutant League when it was a cartoon?  The main character was named Bones Justice...not Bones Jackson...why would they do that to us?  =(

Posted by Aesoprawk

The reason they didn't name him Bones Jackson in the show is, I'm assuming, because it was too close to Bo Jackson, who in real life was a dynamo in football, baseball, pleasing neighborhood women and eating babies - all at the same time.

Posted by Crono
Posted by Xander51

Haha, that's pretty great. I uh. I actually might buy it!

Posted by Player1

How about instead of your creature getting crushed at the beginning of the game, you give it an abilitease, let it dominate,  then let it get crushed the next game.

Posted by John

it looks like a cow-frog to me.

Posted by PremierOctopus

dude, they should totally make one of those.

Posted by Cirdain

I would so buy that

Posted by PLWolf

As long as it was on a console, I'd buy it. I actually like this idea, and would happily help fund the making of this game. lol

Posted by Lind_L_Taylor

Makes you wonder what kind of expansion packs are on the way for Spore.

Posted by zityz

Hey this article just reminded me, Remember mutant league football? Good times:P