I bet most of you who have seen this blog series have thought that I may have scrapped the entire thing. Especially since it's been almost nine months since the last proper entry. Well, I haven't given up on the series and it's time I show you by starting season two of...
Season 1:1. Persona 4 Endurance Run Ep. 50 Uproar
2. The Modelling Gig
3. ItalyCanadian9 Gets Exposed
4. His Name is Endogene
5. Sweep Angers Dave Snider
Today's strange instalment details an exchange between users role-playing as characters from the 1990's Nickelodeon/Disney cartoon show Doug. If you were a person who grew up during the 90's watching TV every Saturday morning, the following exchange probably ruined your childhood.
The date is August 8th, 2008, not long after the Giant Bomb first exploded onto the videogame-review scene. A user named DougFunny (apparently forgetting how to spell his last name) created a thread entitled "I am looking for Roger Klotz". For those unfamiliar with this show, Roger Klotz is Doug's nemesis. Doug apparently has tracked down Roger to the still young Giant Bomb forums and demands to know his location:
"I know you here buddy.... If you know where he his notify me.
I'm gonna kick that motherfuckers balls so hard there going to pop"
Apparently his grammar has deteriorated drastically since we last saw him 11 years on our television screens. Unsurprisingly ( in retrospect), the first person to respond is the now infamous ItalyCanadian9.
"LMAO! You just made my day mate :)"
While it is understandable why Doug feels this way, this did not prepare the denizens of Giant Bomb for the appearance of Patti Mayonnaise (Doug's love interest).
"Ooh Doug! I love these new balls of yours!
Maybe we could... fuck like chihuahas in heat some time? "
People react in through confusion, recognition and indifference while ItalyCanadian9 in typical fashion encourages the situation. That went on until Roger Klotz suddenly showed up.
"Hey funny. How bout you and skeetface go play with each others balls while I show Patti my green monster."
This was followed with sarcastic surprise from forum-goers. The thread soon gets intense with sexually charged banter and insults being hurled around by the three active participants:
"ItalyCanadian9 said:Only if you reach up there and Dougy is fine with it."
"Patti said:Can i have it?"
"Roger_Klotz said:Hammy was lost up my ass long ago :-("
"Hey, you all shut the fuck up before Dougy dismembers your cats and CONSUMES YOUR SOULS."
Hey patti, do you and funny have some fun times with that hamster in your avatar?"
Ok ask him.
(Quailman is one of Doug's alter-egos)
Roger_Klotz said:Patti happens to get extra sexual when I wear my quilman outfit...
"DougFunny said:Yeah what do you Know. The only time you get pussy is imagining it when your drawing your stupid qualman comics."
"Hey Roger shut up....
at least i get patti's pussy and you don't haha homo...
Go suck mr. Bones dick"
And what do you get?
now thats funny
Soon after more characters from the show up including Doug's friend Skeeter and his dog Porkchop. The five then detail with twitter-like frequency a showdown that took place at some burger joint. Apparently the end result of that was Roger getting defiled by a broomstick and Porkchop leaving to smoke weed. Before the thread got locked up, two more characters show up and add their inputs (one of which is apparently a pedophile).
What transpired that day was a surreal forum experience for many new Giant Bomb members (nearly everyone). However, it seems to be par for the course in the realm known as the internet. For Giant Bomb it was one of the first major occurrences of the forums. Perhaps it was signalling things to come. After all, Giant Bomb has become a very unique place. One apt forum user described the day's events as follows:
"What the fuck alternate dimension did I jump into when I clicked this thread lol"
If you have an interesting or notable event that occurred on these forums feel free to note them in a post.
Credits:Kudos go to user Claude for recommending me this event to cover.
Original thread can be found here.