Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -

I bet most of you who have seen this blog series have thought that I may have scrapped the entire thing. Especially since it's been almost nine months since the last proper entry. Well, I haven't given up on the series and it's time I show you by starting season two of...

 This rudimentary banner was what the nine months went into.

Previous Instalments:

Season 1:

1. Persona 4 Endurance Run Ep. 50 Uproar
2. The Modelling Gig
3. ItalyCanadian9 Gets Exposed
4. His Name is Endogene
5. Sweep Angers Dave Snider
 
Today's strange instalment details an exchange between users role-playing as characters from the 1990's Nickelodeon/Disney cartoon show Doug. If you were a person who grew up during the 90's watching TV every Saturday morning, the following exchange probably ruined your childhood.
 
The date is August 8th, 2008, not long after the Giant Bomb first exploded onto the videogame-review scene. A user named DougFunny (apparently forgetting how to spell his last name) created a thread entitled "I am looking for Roger Klotz". For those unfamiliar with this show, Roger Klotz is Doug's nemesis. Doug apparently has tracked down Roger to the still young Giant Bomb forums and demands to know his location:
DougFunny said:

"I know you here buddy.... If you know where he his notify me.
I'm gonna kick that motherfuckers balls so hard there going to pop"

 
Apparently his grammar has deteriorated drastically since we last saw him 11 years on our television screens. Unsurprisingly ( in retrospect), the first person to respond is the now infamous ItalyCanadian9. 
ItalyCanadian9 said:

"LMAO! You just made my day mate :)"  

 
While it is understandable why Doug feels this way, this did not prepare the denizens of Giant Bomb for the appearance of Patti Mayonnaise (Doug's love interest).
Patti said:

"Ooh Doug! I love these new balls of yours!
Maybe we could... fuck like chihuahas in heat some time? "


People react in through confusion, recognition and indifference while ItalyCanadian9 in typical fashion encourages the situation. That went on until Roger Klotz suddenly showed up.
Roger_Klotz said:

"Hey funny. How bout you and skeetface go play with each others balls while I show Patti my green monster."

  
This was followed with sarcastic surprise from forum-goers. The thread soon gets intense with sexually charged banter and insults being hurled around by the three active participants:
ItalyCanadian9 said:

"Patti said:

"ItalyCanadian9 said:

"Patti said:

"Roger_Klotz said:

"Patti said:

"Hey, you all shut the fuck up before Dougy dismembers your cats and CONSUMES YOUR SOULS."


Hey patti, do you and funny have some fun times with that hamster in your avatar?"
Hammy was lost up my ass long ago :-("
Can i have it?"
Only if you reach up there and Dougy is fine with it."

Ok ask him.


 DougFunny said:

Roger_Klotz said:

"DougFunny said:

"Hey Roger shut up....
at least i get patti's pussy and you don't haha homo...
Go suck mr. Bones dick"

Yeah what do you Know. The only time you get pussy is imagining it when your drawing your stupid qualman comics."
Patti happens to get extra sexual when I wear my quilman outfit...
And what do you get?
Dick HA!
now thats funny
(Quailman is one of Doug's alter-egos)
 
Soon after more characters from the show up including Doug's friend Skeeter and his dog Porkchop. The five then detail with twitter-like frequency a showdown that took place at some burger joint. Apparently the end result of that was Roger getting defiled by a broomstick and Porkchop leaving to smoke weed. Before the thread got locked up, two more characters show up and add their inputs (one of which is apparently a pedophile).
 
What transpired that day was a surreal forum experience for many new Giant Bomb members (nearly everyone). However, it seems to be par for the course in the realm known as the internet. For Giant Bomb it was one of the first major occurrences of the forums. Perhaps it was signalling things to come. After all, Giant Bomb has become a very unique place. One apt forum user described the day's events as follows:
pause422 said:

"What the fuck alternate dimension did I jump into when I clicked this thread lol"

 
If you have an interesting or notable event that occurred on these forums feel free to note them in a post.

Credits:

Kudos go to user Claude for recommending me this event to cover.
Original thread can be found here.
#1 Edited by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -

I bet most of you who have seen this blog series have thought that I may have scrapped the entire thing. Especially since it's been almost nine months since the last proper entry. Well, I haven't given up on the series and it's time I show you by starting season two of...

 This rudimentary banner was what the nine months went into.

Previous Instalments:

Season 1:

1. Persona 4 Endurance Run Ep. 50 Uproar
2. The Modelling Gig
3. ItalyCanadian9 Gets Exposed
4. His Name is Endogene
5. Sweep Angers Dave Snider
 
Today's strange instalment details an exchange between users role-playing as characters from the 1990's Nickelodeon/Disney cartoon show Doug. If you were a person who grew up during the 90's watching TV every Saturday morning, the following exchange probably ruined your childhood.
 
The date is August 8th, 2008, not long after the Giant Bomb first exploded onto the videogame-review scene. A user named DougFunny (apparently forgetting how to spell his last name) created a thread entitled "I am looking for Roger Klotz". For those unfamiliar with this show, Roger Klotz is Doug's nemesis. Doug apparently has tracked down Roger to the still young Giant Bomb forums and demands to know his location:
DougFunny said:

"I know you here buddy.... If you know where he his notify me.
I'm gonna kick that motherfuckers balls so hard there going to pop"

 
Apparently his grammar has deteriorated drastically since we last saw him 11 years on our television screens. Unsurprisingly ( in retrospect), the first person to respond is the now infamous ItalyCanadian9. 
ItalyCanadian9 said:

"LMAO! You just made my day mate :)"  

 
While it is understandable why Doug feels this way, this did not prepare the denizens of Giant Bomb for the appearance of Patti Mayonnaise (Doug's love interest).
Patti said:

"Ooh Doug! I love these new balls of yours!
Maybe we could... fuck like chihuahas in heat some time? "


People react in through confusion, recognition and indifference while ItalyCanadian9 in typical fashion encourages the situation. That went on until Roger Klotz suddenly showed up.
Roger_Klotz said:

"Hey funny. How bout you and skeetface go play with each others balls while I show Patti my green monster."

  
This was followed with sarcastic surprise from forum-goers. The thread soon gets intense with sexually charged banter and insults being hurled around by the three active participants:
ItalyCanadian9 said:

"Patti said:

"ItalyCanadian9 said:

"Patti said:

"Roger_Klotz said:

"Patti said:

"Hey, you all shut the fuck up before Dougy dismembers your cats and CONSUMES YOUR SOULS."


Hey patti, do you and funny have some fun times with that hamster in your avatar?"
Hammy was lost up my ass long ago :-("
Can i have it?"
Only if you reach up there and Dougy is fine with it."

Ok ask him.


 DougFunny said:

Roger_Klotz said:

"DougFunny said:

"Hey Roger shut up....
at least i get patti's pussy and you don't haha homo...
Go suck mr. Bones dick"

Yeah what do you Know. The only time you get pussy is imagining it when your drawing your stupid qualman comics."
Patti happens to get extra sexual when I wear my quilman outfit...
And what do you get?
Dick HA!
now thats funny
(Quailman is one of Doug's alter-egos)
 
Soon after more characters from the show up including Doug's friend Skeeter and his dog Porkchop. The five then detail with twitter-like frequency a showdown that took place at some burger joint. Apparently the end result of that was Roger getting defiled by a broomstick and Porkchop leaving to smoke weed. Before the thread got locked up, two more characters show up and add their inputs (one of which is apparently a pedophile).
 
What transpired that day was a surreal forum experience for many new Giant Bomb members (nearly everyone). However, it seems to be par for the course in the realm known as the internet. For Giant Bomb it was one of the first major occurrences of the forums. Perhaps it was signalling things to come. After all, Giant Bomb has become a very unique place. One apt forum user described the day's events as follows:
pause422 said:

"What the fuck alternate dimension did I jump into when I clicked this thread lol"

 
If you have an interesting or notable event that occurred on these forums feel free to note them in a post.

Credits:

Kudos go to user Claude for recommending me this event to cover.
Original thread can be found here.
#2 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I wish I was around for such greatness, but unfortunately, I didn't leave GameSpot until April of 09. And then May of 09 happened. Let's leave it at that.

#3 Edited by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@Video_Game_King:  I just realized I haven't been following you after all this time. Your blogs are of a status that everyone should aspire to.
#4 Posted by GlenTennis (3145 posts) -

None of your previous installments work. 
The Doug thing reminded me of this:
  

#5 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@GlenTennis: Thanks for the tip, the links should work now.
#6 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@GlenTennis: 
 
Why the hell is Patti Mayonnaise white? She was black in the original show. Also, why is Skeeter black-ish (he didn't bother painting his palms)? Nothing about this stupid show makes sense anymore!
#7 Posted by GlenTennis (3145 posts) -
@Video_Game_King said:
" @GlenTennis:   Why the hell is Patti Mayonnaise white? She was black in the original show. Also, why is Skeeter black-ish (he didn't bother painting his palms)? Nothing about this stupid show makes sense anymore! "
She wasn't black.
Everyone got the races wrong of that show, it was
Doug - White
Skeeter - Indian
Patti - Italian
#8 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@GlenTennis: 
 
I actually went to the Nickelodeon wiki and found out that she's from the South. If anything, this makes slightly more sense than whatever the hell you just said.
#9 Posted by GlenTennis (3145 posts) -
@Video_Game_King said:
" @GlenTennis:   I actually went to the Nickelodeon wiki and found out that she's from the South. If anything, this makes slightly more sense than whatever the hell you just said. "
Maybe. Maybe not. All we know is that the show was an obvious allegory for the first World War.
#10 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@GlenTennis: 
 
So the Disney Doug is like World War II: millions of people died as a result of it?
#11 Posted by Red12b (9084 posts) -

That thread was awesome, strange times indeed, some kid is really messed up...
#12 Posted by Skald (4367 posts) -
@Red12b said:
" That thread was awesome, strange times indeed, some kid is really messed up... "
The kid who orchestrated it, or the kid who made the mistake of reading it?
#13 Posted by auspiciousqueue (1298 posts) -

And I thought you went on Sabbatical. 
 
Oh the horror. And to think, I used to have decent memories about that show.

#14 Posted by JJWeatherman (14558 posts) -

These blogs are great. It's like watching the History channel's take on Giant Bomb.

#15 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@JJWeatherman said:
" These blogs are great. It's like watching the History channel's take on Giant Bomb. "
I feel like that would be much worse. "And, and that's when Abraham Lincoln teamed up with Batman to defeat Hitler. It was a tough fight against the Mayan aliens, but they prevailed, just as Nostradamus predicted."
#16 Posted by Sweep (8862 posts) -

Ah, memories ^__^

Moderator
#17 Posted by ZombiePie (5673 posts) -
@Sweep said:
" Ah, memories ^__^ "
Yup my sentiments exactly...oh and if you wanted to know Jayge was Patty Mayonnaise. That was before he moved on to greener pastures. 
Moderator
#18 Posted by LordAndrew (14426 posts) -

Anyone remember who the other participants were?

#19 Posted by Sweep (8862 posts) -
@ZombiePie: Jayge hasn't moved onto shit, he's still sitting on steam doing fuck all :DD
Moderator
#20 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@LordAndrew said:
" Anyone remember who the other participants were? "
I don't think it's ever been revealed except for Jayge. Also it seems that the Roger_Klotz account is someone's main.
#21 Posted by ZombiePie (5673 posts) -
@LordAndrew:  Roger Klotz never got his account disabled. That literally was his first account and he never even intended to role play on Giant Bomb. He continue to post (out of character) for a while before moving on.  

@Sweep: Yeah...that sounds like Jayge. He was a dedicated user on Tested especially when it came to phones but move on after a while.
Moderator
#22 Edited by MisterMouse (3554 posts) -

YEAH IT IS BACK! Also we need to get some video of this in a mystery theater like context mixed with some Nancy Grace and other wonderful shows and with nice music in the background... the whole jazz.

#23 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -

Man, that thread still makes me laugh.

#24 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@pyromaster222 said:
" YEAH IT IS BACK! Also we need to get some video of this in a mystery theater like context mixed with some Nancy Grace and other wonderful shows and with nice music in the background... the whole jazz. "
You mean make this into an internet video series exclusive to Giant Bomb?
#25 Posted by MisterMouse (3554 posts) -
@FrankCanada97 said:

" @pyromaster222 said:

" YEAH IT IS BACK! Also we need to get some video of this in a mystery theater like context mixed with some Nancy Grace and other wonderful shows and with nice music in the background... the whole jazz. "
You mean make this into an internet video series exclusive to Giant Bomb? "
Exactly and have a nice sultry deep soothing voice to voice over the entire thing....    
#26 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@pyromaster222:  Unfortunately, I lack the equipment to undertake such a venture or the voice for that matter. And there can only be one soothing, deep and sultry voice on Giant Bomb.
#27 Posted by MisterMouse (3554 posts) -
@FrankCanada97: Yes, unfortunately well the scripts are already more or less written so someone should do it. And maybe not a soothing deep and sultry voice but a calming and intense voice, if that is even possible.
#28 Posted by Red12b (9084 posts) -
@pyromaster222:  
And on this day...Ms_Chevios bared her flesh, or was it Dave,  
 
For we shall never know.
#29 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@Red12b said:
" @pyromaster222:  And on this day...Ms_Chevios bared her flesh, or was it Dave,   For we shall never know. "
Haha, weren't you an enabler? Got the girl's spirits up which was then promptly crushed by the GB community.
#30 Edited by PenguinDust (12522 posts) -

Oh my goodness, that's hilarious.  This happened a few months before I joined, so I missed it live, but I wish I hadn't.  I have no interest in forum RP as it happens on Anime Vice or Comic Vine, but this type of spontaneous forum theater is perplexing and surprising.  That's what makes it entertaining, too.  It reminds me of a "flash mob" but without the pre-planning.  
 
Great to see the return of this blog series.

#31 Posted by armaan8014 (5404 posts) -

WHO ARE ALL THESE GUYS?!?! What is going on? Or maybe I hadn't joined in the forum discussions at the time, but I completely missed this

#32 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@PenguinDust said:
" Oh my goodness, that's hilarious.  This happened a few months before I joined, so I missed it live, but I wish I hadn't.  I have no interest in forum RP as it happens on Anime Vice or Comic Vine, but this type of spontaneous forum theater is perplexing and surprising.  That's what makes it entertaining, too.  It reminds me of a "flash mob" but without the pre-planning.   Great to see the return of this blog series. "
Quite frankly, I shudder at the thought of roleplay on the Anime Vice boards.
#33 Posted by fwylo (3556 posts) -

OHhhhhhhhhhhhh SHIT its back.

#34 Posted by mfpantst (2574 posts) -

These are amazing.  Had no clue we had a historian until now.  More please- no clue what but these are fucking funny.

#35 Posted by eroticfishcake (7786 posts) -

Season one is entirely 404'ed...

#36 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@eroticfishcake said:
" Season one is entirely 404'ed... "
It seems that if you are click them whilst in my blog section it's 404'ed. If you are doing that in the forum it's fine. Strange.
#37 Posted by Red12b (9084 posts) -
@FrankCanada97 said:
" @Red12b said:
" @pyromaster222:  And on this day...Ms_Chevios bared her flesh, or was it Dave,   For we shall never know. "
Haha, weren't you an enabler? Got the girl's spirits up which was then promptly crushed by the GB community. "
Not really, The shit hit the fan after I posted, All I did was say, "you think it's wise doing that?" and yeah...found out it wasn't Cause around 2-3 hours later there were 600 replies. .. .
#38 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@Red12b: I was just joking around, of course you weren't responsible for the responses of other people.
#39 Posted by Swoxx (3000 posts) -

Awesome! Good to see these return. They're excellent!

#40 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -

Bumping this because I read the thread again.

#41 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@Claude said:

Bumping this because I read the thread again.

Or maybe you're trying to shame me into making another one of these. :P
#42 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -

@FrankCanada97 said:

@Claude said:

Bumping this because I read the thread again.

Or maybe you're trying to shame me into making another one of these. :P

Haha, be my bitch. Entertain me.

#43 Posted by FrankCanada97 (4039 posts) -
@Claude said:

@FrankCanada97 said:

@Claude said:

Bumping this because I read the thread again.

Or maybe you're trying to shame me into making another one of these. :P

Haha, be my bitch. Entertain me.

Alright, just for you. Expect another one of these within a week.