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#1 Posted by TheOldOrder (188 posts) -

Anything from human history no matter how much you fuck up the present, what would you change?

#2 Posted by JJOR64 (19512 posts) -

I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off.

#3 Posted by JerichoBlyth (1039 posts) -

If only I had picked up that Sports Almanac

#4 Posted by Everyones_A_Critic (6496 posts) -
@JJOR64 said:
"I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off. "
I don't think he would've cared, he already lost a nut.  
#5 Posted by EdIsCool (1140 posts) -

Make love to hitler...

#6 Posted by Godlyawesomeguy (6419 posts) -

stop 9/11. That would be sweet.

#7 Posted by Mikemcn (7387 posts) -
@Godlyawesomeguy said:
"stop 9/11. That would be sweet. "

In the same vein, id go back and make sure we had a president, during 9/11, who could actually use the tradgedy to bring the nation together and change things for the better. Rather then making everything worse.....
#8 Posted by Diamond (8678 posts) -
@JJOR64 said:
" I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off. "
Never played Red Alert did you?
#9 Posted by JJOR64 (19512 posts) -
@Diamond: Only played Red Faction II multiplayer.
#10 Posted by gingertastic_10 (4314 posts) -

Wouldn't change a thing.

#11 Posted by lemon360 (1231 posts) -
@TheOldOrder said:
" @JJOR64 said:
" I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off. "
I would tell Him not to invade Russia and give him beforehand all the info he needs about the future to win each and every single WW2 Battle Mwahaha "

I'd stop you from existing
#12 Posted by Godlyawesomeguy (6419 posts) -
@Mikemcn said:
"@Godlyawesomeguy said:
"stop 9/11. That would be sweet. "
In the same vein, id go back and make sure we had a president, during 9/11, who could actually use the tradgedy to bring the nation together and change things for the better. Rather then making everything worse..... "

I wish we didnt have such a panicky nation.
#13 Posted by TheOldOrder (188 posts) -
@lemon360 said:
" @TheOldOrder said:
" @JJOR64 said:
" I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off. "
I would tell Him not to invade Russia and give him beforehand all the info he needs about the future to win each and every single WW2 Battle Mwahaha "
I'd stop you from existing "
I was Joking
#14 Posted by torus (1106 posts) -

I'd go back 5 minutes, and have a Mozzarella sandwich instead of Manchego.

#15 Posted by Breadfan (6803 posts) -

I would invent bread

#16 Posted by oldschool (7641 posts) -

It is hard to decide between ensuring no-one listened to some ordinary bloke called Jesus or another ordinary bloke called Mohammed.  Then we wouldn't have Christianity or Islam. 
 
My only problem is, like the Butterfly Effect, taking away one bad thing can invariably lead to something worse.  I am sure some other nutjob would have invented a far worse religion.

#17 Posted by Cube (4382 posts) -
@oldschool said:
" It is hard to decide between ensuring no-one listened to some ordinary bloke called Jesus or another ordinary bloke called Mohammed.  Then we wouldn't have Christianity or Islam.  My only problem is, like the Butterfly Effect, taking away one bad thing can invariably lead to something worse.  I am sure some other nutjob would have invented a far worse religion. "
This.
#18 Posted by Mikemcn (7387 posts) -
@Godlyawesomeguy said:
"@Mikemcn said:
"@Godlyawesomeguy said:
"stop 9/11. That would be sweet. "
In the same vein, id go back and make sure we had a president, during 9/11, who could actually use the tradgedy to bring the nation together and change things for the better. Rather then making everything worse..... "
I wish we didnt have such a panicky nation. "
I think you can thank Bush for that. God he was an idiot......
 
@oldschool said:
"It is hard to decide between ensuring no-one listened to some ordinary bloke called Jesus or another ordinary bloke called Mohammed.  Then we wouldn't have Christianity or Islam.  My only problem is, like the Butterfly Effect, taking away one bad thing can invariably lead to something worse.  I am sure some other nutjob would have invented a far worse religion. "

Ya, whenever you mess with time something goes wrong. Or at least thats what the sci-fi channel and H.G. Wells tell me. 
 
#19 Posted by Expletive (1101 posts) -
@Cube said:
" @oldschool said:
" It is hard to decide between ensuring no-one listened to some ordinary bloke called Jesus or another ordinary bloke called Mohammed.  Then we wouldn't have Christianity or Islam.  My only problem is, like the Butterfly Effect, taking away one bad thing can invariably lead to something worse.  I am sure some other nutjob would have invented a far worse religion. "
This. "
#20 Posted by CL60 (17120 posts) -

I went back in time before. I did something and when I got back Bush was the president. My bad guys.

#21 Posted by crusader8463 (14744 posts) -

Beside trying to stop the evils of religion from ever getting off the ground i would have to say....make the dinosaurs not go extinct. I want a dinosaur pet.

#22 Posted by oldschool (7641 posts) -
@Mikemcn said:
" @oldschool said:
"It is hard to decide between ensuring no-one listened to some ordinary bloke called Jesus or another ordinary bloke called Mohammed.  Then we wouldn't have Christianity or Islam.  My only problem is, like the Butterfly Effect, taking away one bad thing can invariably lead to something worse.  I am sure some other nutjob would have invented a far worse religion. "
Ya, whenever you mess with time something goes wrong. Or at least thats what the sci-fi channel and H.G. Wells tell me.   "
The sci-fi channel is never wrong.  Star Trek is always telling me the dangers of messing with the past.  Hell, Bill & Ted nearly screwed it up for all of us  ^_^
#23 Posted by RetroIce4 (4433 posts) -
@Mikemcn said:
" @Godlyawesomeguy said:
"stop 9/11. That would be sweet. "
In the same vein, id go back and make sure we had a president, during 9/11, who could actually use the tradgedy to bring the nation together and change things for the better. Rather then making everything worse..... "
Or get a president that isn't the terrorism...
#24 Posted by JJWeatherman (14789 posts) -

I wouldn't have bought my first cell phone...
 
It's a long story.

#25 Posted by Clean (2433 posts) -

I'm staying away from time machines after I got Bristol Palin pregnant

#26 Posted by DanielJW (4929 posts) -

I'd crush the organisms that became human.

#27 Posted by Mrnitropb (2131 posts) -

If I could go back in time and change something, that change would have already occurred by our present time line, therefore negating the need for me to go back and change anything, unless the sheer act of me going back and changing something is what sets of that event to begin with. And so now knowing that, I have to NOT go back in time, to prevent my tampering with history, and causing whatever catastrophe from occurring in the first place_
 

" Post hoc ergo propter hoc"

#28 Posted by PlipO (203 posts) -

I would go back in time and persuade the dudes that decided upon the meaning of horizontal and diagonal to reverse their decision.  Would this make life better for anyone...I very much doubt it, however it would make me feel better by not having to worry one of my many irrational pre-occupations.
 
If any person regardless of intentions go back in time to rectify an atrocity - that person would probably do sometime selfish thus causing a chain reaction and therefore making the future worst than it otherwise would have been.  Maybe someone did go back in time and screw things up, that's why we live in such a messed up World.  Maybe there are thousands of people going back in time everyday attempting to change what other time travellers have done.
 
Humanity had many thousands of years to make life better for themselves.  We live on a bountiful planet, yet we squabble over some of the most petty things.
There are enough resources on this planet if a minority of us stop being greedy and allow the majority access to those resources in order to live a comfortable life.
This is as good as it gets.   Other civilisations in the Universe probably know about us but stay away because we are scum of the Universe.

#29 Posted by MeierTheRed (5004 posts) -
@DanielJW said:
" I'd crush the organisms that became human. "
Good choice in getting rid of those.
#30 Posted by PenguinDust (12730 posts) -
 Biff knows time travel
Try and improve on the course of human history for the betterment of mankind?  Fuck that, I'm selfish.  I'd go back and make sure I won the last 300+ million dollar lottery then I'd swim through a swimming pool of cash like Scrooge McDuck.
#31 Posted by OutOfBounds9000 (2513 posts) -

Hmmm....hard but probably go back in time pretend im the russian dude Dimitri Escrekov and kill hitler with a M1 Garant shot in his head.
#32 Posted by Famov (760 posts) -

I would do something that would immortalize my name in some fashion. Perhaps Shakespeare would have made soap operas about me instead of Julius Caesar.

#33 Posted by Eric_Buck (1424 posts) -
@PlipO:  Yeah that's totally what happened.
#34 Posted by AhmadMetallic (19303 posts) -

castrate my father and pull out my mother's eggs with a fork when they were teenagers

#35 Posted by PlipO (203 posts) -
@Ahmad_Metallic: You need to talk to someone who has been trained to deal with other peoples' psychological problems. I find it difficult to believe that anyone would make such a comment about their parents, even in jest.
#36 Posted by empfeix (794 posts) -

I'd go back and release Duke Nukem Forever 
 
oh and btw stopping religion is halariously futile, so good luck with that

#37 Posted by SinGulaR (2447 posts) -

I would go back an tell our ape ancestors to fucking stay on their tree :D
#38 Edited by BiffMcBlumpkin (3808 posts) -
@EdIsCool said:

"Make love to hitler... "


If I were you I'd ask the guy above you at what point in the past he plans on cutting Hitler's dick off so you can show up a few days before him, because the prospect of making love to a dickless Hitler just sounds like such a bear.
#39 Edited by HitmanAgent47 (8553 posts) -

Bush being the president, I would let al gore win or someone else. That's what I would change, now the economy is worst than ever thanks to bush and his war time spending. With all of those conspiricy theories, he probally had some involvment in 9/11 since they said it was a demolition inside job.

#40 Posted by SinGulaR (2447 posts) -
@BiffMcBlumpkin said:
"@EdIsCool said:

"Make love to hitler... "

If I were you I'd ask the guy above you at what point in the past he plans on cutting Hitler's dick off so you can show up a few days before him, because the prospect of making love to a dickless Hitler just sounds like such a bear. "

Has anyone of you seen this new anti-aids commercial that's making it's round on the web? I don't dare to link it because it's... but google it if you want to see for yourselves.
#41 Posted by BiffMcBlumpkin (3808 posts) -
@SinGulaR said:
"@BiffMcBlumpkin said:
"@EdIsCool said:

"Make love to hitler... "

If I were you I'd ask the guy above you at what point in the past he plans on cutting Hitler's dick off so you can show up a few days before him, because the prospect of making love to a dickless Hitler just sounds like such a bear. "
Has anyone of you seen this new anti-aids commercial that's making it's round on the web? I don't dare to link it because it's... but google it if you want to see for yourselves. "

If it doesn't involve a dickless Hitler then I'm going to be super fussy about you getting me involved in this.
#42 Posted by hamlaser (232 posts) -

"Remove" Lee De Forest

#43 Posted by Shadow (5107 posts) -

I'd want a warning before I go back in time so I can look up and memorize lottery numbers.

#44 Posted by giyanks22 (2950 posts) -
@JJOR64 said:
" I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off. "
Nah just circumcise him.
 
 
@pornstorestiffi said:
" @DanielJW said:
" I'd crush the organisms that became human. "
Good choice in getting rid of those. "

Yeah but then humans wouldn't have been created, so you can't go back in time to destory them, but then they aren't destroyed...its a paradox.
 
 
I'd probably kill Hitler or Lenin, maybe Lenin, because Communism lead to more unessacary death than Hitler, if you count Mao Zedong's massacre of 70 million. I might consider stopping 9/11, but then we'd still be unsuspecting and another attack would have happened any way. I'd stop 9/11 if I could make it epic and heroic, like I could book myself on Flight whatever that hit the World Trade Center, prevent the terrorists from slitting the pilots throats, and then explain that there were other attacks that would happen that day. I'd explain that I was fluent in Arabic and overheard them talking about it. Then those flights would be grounded, and I would have saved the day, but more importantly thousands of people.
#45 Edited by eclipsesis (1253 posts) -

I'd go back to the point where England felt sorry and started to give back countries which we had taken over and owned and stop them from doing it. So we still could be considered apart of the most successful nations in the World. How the mighty have fallen

.British empire

.Roman empire

.Mongolian empire

no other nations will come close

#46 Edited by SJSchmidt93 (4994 posts) -
@Mikemcn said:

" @Godlyawesomeguy said:

"stop 9/11. That would be sweet. "
In the same vein, id go back and make sure we had a president, during 9/11, who could actually use the tradgedy to bring the nation together and change things for the better. Rather then making everything worse..... "
So you wouldn't stop the tradgedy? Just... make the tradgedy actually... improve the country? Interesting. 
 
I would, uh, stop WW2/the Holocaust? I don't know.
#47 Posted by Smarter_Martyr (589 posts) -

I would have not eaten what I just ate.

#48 Posted by ArchScabby (5877 posts) -

I'd stop Hitler from assassinating Abraham Lincoln during WW1.

#49 Posted by eclipsesis (1253 posts) -
@ArchScabby said:
" I'd stop Hitler from assassinating Abraham Lincoln during WW1. "
You meant that sarcastically right?. Because you know Hitler wasn't involved in WW1, he was just a lowly Austrian soldier who had no power what so ever. And i'm sure Abraham was killed long before WW1 i think 
#50 Posted by Jayzilla (2639 posts) -

i would go back and get evidence that adam and eve were the first people on the earth.