If you could change anything from the past

Anything from human history no matter how much you fuck up the present, what would you change?

I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off.

If only I had picked up that Sports Almanac

"I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off. "

Make love to hitler...

stop 9/11. That would be sweet.

"stop 9/11. That would be sweet. "

" I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off. "

Wouldn't change a thing.

" @JJOR64 said:

" I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off. "

I would tell Him not to invade Russia and give him beforehand all the info he needs about the future to win each and every single WW2 Battle Mwahaha "

" @TheOldOrder said:

" @JJOR64 said:

" I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off. "

I would tell Him not to invade Russia and give him beforehand all the info he needs about the future to win each and every single WW2 Battle Mwahaha "

I'd stop you from existing "

I'd go back 5 minutes, and have a Mozzarella sandwich instead of Manchego.

I would invent bread

It is hard to decide between ensuring no-one listened to some ordinary bloke called Jesus or another ordinary bloke called Mohammed.  Then we wouldn't have Christianity or Islam. 
 
My only problem is, like the Butterfly Effect, taking away one bad thing can invariably lead to something worse.  I am sure some other nutjob would have invented a far worse religion.

" It is hard to decide between ensuring no-one listened to some ordinary bloke called Jesus or another ordinary bloke called Mohammed.  Then we wouldn't have Christianity or Islam.  My only problem is, like the Butterfly Effect, taking away one bad thing can invariably lead to something worse.  I am sure some other nutjob would have invented a far worse religion. "

"@Mikemcn said:

"@Godlyawesomeguy said:

"stop 9/11. That would be sweet. "

In the same vein, id go back and make sure we had a president, during 9/11, who could actually use the tradgedy to bring the nation together and change things for the better. Rather then making everything worse..... "

I wish we didnt have such a panicky nation. "

"It is hard to decide between ensuring no-one listened to some ordinary bloke called Jesus or another ordinary bloke called Mohammed.  Then we wouldn't have Christianity or Islam.  My only problem is, like the Butterfly Effect, taking away one bad thing can invariably lead to something worse.  I am sure some other nutjob would have invented a far worse religion. "

" @oldschool said:

" It is hard to decide between ensuring no-one listened to some ordinary bloke called Jesus or another ordinary bloke called Mohammed.  Then we wouldn't have Christianity or Islam.  My only problem is, like the Butterfly Effect, taking away one bad thing can invariably lead to something worse.  I am sure some other nutjob would have invented a far worse religion. "

This. "

I went back in time before. I did something and when I got back Bush was the president. My bad guys.

Beside trying to stop the evils of religion from ever getting off the ground i would have to say....make the dinosaurs not go extinct. I want a dinosaur pet.

" @oldschool said:

"It is hard to decide between ensuring no-one listened to some ordinary bloke called Jesus or another ordinary bloke called Mohammed.  Then we wouldn't have Christianity or Islam.  My only problem is, like the Butterfly Effect, taking away one bad thing can invariably lead to something worse.  I am sure some other nutjob would have invented a far worse religion. "

Ya, whenever you mess with time something goes wrong. Or at least thats what the sci-fi channel and H.G. Wells tell me.   "

" @Godlyawesomeguy said:

"stop 9/11. That would be sweet. "

In the same vein, id go back and make sure we had a president, during 9/11, who could actually use the tradgedy to bring the nation together and change things for the better. Rather then making everything worse..... "

I wouldn't have bought my first cell phone...
 
It's a long story.

I'm staying away from time machines after I got Bristol Palin pregnant

I'd crush the organisms that became human.

If I could go back in time and change something, that change would have already occurred by our present time line, therefore negating the need for me to go back and change anything, unless the sheer act of me going back and changing something is what sets of that event to begin with. And so now knowing that, I have to NOT go back in time, to prevent my tampering with history, and causing whatever catastrophe from occurring in the first place_
 

" Post hoc ergo propter hoc"

I would go back in time and persuade the dudes that decided upon the meaning of horizontal and diagonal to reverse their decision.  Would this make life better for anyone...I very much doubt it, however it would make me feel better by not having to worry one of my many irrational pre-occupations.
 
If any person regardless of intentions go back in time to rectify an atrocity - that person would probably do sometime selfish thus causing a chain reaction and therefore making the future worst than it otherwise would have been.  Maybe someone did go back in time and screw things up, that's why we live in such a messed up World.  Maybe there are thousands of people going back in time everyday attempting to change what other time travellers have done.
 
Humanity had many thousands of years to make life better for themselves.  We live on a bountiful planet, yet we squabble over some of the most petty things.
There are enough resources on this planet if a minority of us stop being greedy and allow the majority access to those resources in order to live a comfortable life.
This is as good as it gets.   Other civilisations in the Universe probably know about us but stay away because we are scum of the Universe.

" I'd crush the organisms that became human. "

I would do something that would immortalize my name in some fashion. Perhaps Shakespeare would have made soap operas about me instead of Julius Caesar.

castrate my father and pull out my mother's eggs with a fork when they were teenagers

I'd go back and release Duke Nukem Forever 
 
oh and btw stopping religion is halariously futile, so good luck with that

"Make love to hitler... "

Bush being the president, I would let al gore win or someone else. That's what I would change, now the economy is worst than ever thanks to bush and his war time spending. With all of those conspiricy theories, he probally had some involvment in 9/11 since they said it was a demolition inside job.

"@EdIsCool said:

"Make love to hitler... "

If I were you I'd ask the guy above you at what point in the past he plans on cutting Hitler's dick off so you can show up a few days before him, because the prospect of making love to a dickless Hitler just sounds like such a bear. "

"@BiffMcBlumpkin said:

"@EdIsCool said:

"Make love to hitler... "

If I were you I'd ask the guy above you at what point in the past he plans on cutting Hitler's dick off so you can show up a few days before him, because the prospect of making love to a dickless Hitler just sounds like such a bear. "

Has anyone of you seen this new anti-aids commercial that's making it's round on the web? I don't dare to link it because it's... but google it if you want to see for yourselves. "

"Remove" Lee De Forest

I'd want a warning before I go back in time so I can look up and memorize lottery numbers.

" I want to go back and time and cut Hitler's dick off. "

" @DanielJW said:

" I'd crush the organisms that became human. "

Good choice in getting rid of those. "

I'd go back to the point where England felt sorry and started to give back countries which we had taken over and owned and stop them from doing it. So we still could be considered apart of the most successful nations in the World. How the mighty have fallen

.British empire

.Roman empire

.Mongolian empire

no other nations will come close

" @Godlyawesomeguy said:

"stop 9/11. That would be sweet. "

In the same vein, id go back and make sure we had a president, during 9/11, who could actually use the tradgedy to bring the nation together and change things for the better. Rather then making everything worse..... "

I would have not eaten what I just ate.

I'd stop Hitler from assassinating Abraham Lincoln during WW1.

" I'd stop Hitler from assassinating Abraham Lincoln during WW1. "

i would go back and get evidence that adam and eve were the first people on the earth.