What are your thoughts on prenuptial agreements?

If i lived in America i would probably get a prenupt only because of how terrifying divorce court is down there. Since i'm a Canadian however divorce court isn't quite as devastating so i'd probably lean towards not getting a prenupt.

@SharkEthic said:

@mandude said:

@pyromagnestir said:

My thoughts are that there should be an option for a more temporary marriage arrangement. I don't know how that would work, but someone smarter than me should figure it out.

Like an "I only want to become a citizen of her stupid country and I'm finished" type deal, or a "Pretty sure we're forever but don't quote me on it" kinda thing?

Isn't that just a prenuptial agreement in it's current form?

I was thinking something more along the lines of "Maybe not till death do us part, but we've got a good thing going and we're gonna ride it out while it lasts" type thing. Or perhaps a till the kids grow up and then we'll reassess the situation type thing.

Maybe the prenup is that in practice, but it's got such a negative aura around it and so many people, as is demonstrated in this thread, view it as an insult or something, that I think we're gonna have pull a Stringer Bell and rebrand it. Go from red tops to yellow tops, or something.

Like I said, smarter peoples than me need to be on this shit.

@Jrinswand said:

@BigDaddy81 said:

I find marriage itself an archaic institution and completely unnecessary in this day and age.

Well then, it's a good thing that people don't get married because it's "an institution" but because they love each other. :/ I think prenups are generally a good idea, especially if one or both of the people getting married have made some considerable financial progress in their lives and have assets that they want to protect. That said, my wife (who was previously my girlfriend of six or seven years) got married last year and we didn't sign a prenup. We're both in our early 20's and don't really have anything that we'd want to protect in the first place. Plus there's the whole traditionalist thing as well.

Unfortunately, I have known many people who have had to get married to stay together due to their family's traditional values. All of them are miserable. And I'm sure there are many others out there who have felt pressured into getting married because it's tradition.

Outside of civil unions to help provide insurance to loved ones, I can't think of one good reason to get married. Love is not a valid reason.

@BigDaddy81 said:

@Jrinswand said:

@BigDaddy81 said:

I find marriage itself an archaic institution and completely unnecessary in this day and age.

Well then, it's a good thing that people don't get married because it's "an institution" but because they love each other. :/ I think prenups are generally a good idea, especially if one or both of the people getting married have made some considerable financial progress in their lives and have assets that they want to protect. That said, my wife (who was previously my girlfriend of six or seven years) got married last year and we didn't sign a prenup. We're both in our early 20's and don't really have anything that we'd want to protect in the first place. Plus there's the whole traditionalist thing as well.

Unfortunately, I have known many people who have had to get married to stay together due to their family's traditional values. All of them are miserable. And I'm sure there are many others out there who have felt pressured into getting married because it's tradition.

Outside of civil unions to help provide insurance to loved ones, I can't think of one good reason to get married. Love is not a valid reason.

Also, people only really started marrying for love as the driving force kinda recently, haven't they? And how well has that worked out?

OH, OH, I got it

saying a prenup defeats the point of getting married is like saying

that buying insurance defeats the point of getting a car!

BOOYAH

While it would be nice if we lived in a perfect world where two people get married and stay together forever and ever, sadly that isn't always the case. To those people who claim when they get married it will definitely last forever, I kind of have to chuckle. My grandparents who were together over sixty years recently split up. Sometimes things simply do not work out.

All you're doing by having a prenuptial agreement is preparing for a worse case scenario. It does not mean you love your partner any less, or are planning to cheat on them. It simply means you're smart enough to recognize life isn't always sunshine and roses. Sometimes things just fall apart without warning. To all those people saying "I'll never get married until I'm 100% sure", good luck on ever getting married then. If you think you'll ever be 100% sure, you'll really just deceiving yourself.

To me, having a prenuptial agreement is like wearing a seat belt. You hope you never have to use it, but you're glad its there when shit hits the fan.

I'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

The idea that a woman is entitled to half her ex-husband's shit is antiquated, a throw back to times when women couldn't or shouldn't support themselves. There's no place for it in a modern society.

Better safe then sorry.

Also I don't even see myself getting married.

@CheapPoison said:

Better safe then sorry.

Also I don't even see myself getting married.

Well hopefully when you do get married you'll be looking at your partner, and not yourself in a mirror or something like that.

Prenups are like condoms but this time the men want to put them on and the woman doesn't. :P I couldn't care less about anything to do with marriage since I have made the choice to never go there.

If I were to get married then divorced, my wife could take every penny I own. She wouldn't get a lot.

You can get a prenup in England but its not actually worth crap in a divorce court. They still have the final say.

So if your a millionaire and your partner isn't. Don't get married!

I'd only get one if I was rich.

I don't plan on getting married, but I don't think I'll ever sign a pre-nuptial if I do go down that path. If it ever comes to that, I think that's a sign for me not to marry. I'm old-fashion and I take marriage and long-term relationships very seriously; I don't get involved with someone just because I'm "lonely" or because they're "pretty." It's a process.

Single, but I'd prefer a prenup. I'm just not sure how I'd raise it in conversation. Basically a romance killer during the engagement period, isn't it?

People who are saying that they have nothing hence they wouldn't get a prenup need to understand that a prenup also decides how the assets that you build together as a couple get divided after divorce, not just what you have going in. If you're broke when you get married and win the lottery, get a windfall from a family member passing away, a business venture or a hot stock pick that made you a lot of money, your spouse will take half of it even if she had no contribution to getting that money, if you don't have a prenup.

Also, my father worked like a dog his entire life and after his divorce my mother who hates working got half his pension that she had no business having at all. That shit is unfair. Thats why I'll have a prenup.

@DriveupLife said:

People who are saying that they have nothing hence they wouldn't get a prenup need to understand that a prenup also decides how the assets that you build together as a couple get divided after divorce, not just what you have going in. If you're broke when you get married and win the lottery, get a windfall from a family member passing away, a business venture or a hot stock pick that made you a lot of money, your spouse will take half of it even if she had no contribution to getting that money, if you don't have a prenup.

Also, my father worked like a dog his entire life and after his divorce my mother who hates working got half his pension that she had no business having at all. That shit is unfair. Thats why I'll have a prenup.

This, I am fucking SURPRISED at how many people actually wouldn't sign a prenup. Everyone going into marriage thinks it lasts forever yet half of all marriages end in divorce. Don't be so damn naive.

Of course you don't go into a marriage expecting to get divorced, you don't drive your car and expect to get into an accident, but it happens and you have insurance in case it does, everyone should have a prenuptial agreement.

A prenup isn't about screwing over your partner either, it's about hashing things out while you are still friendly and putting together a fair and reasoned plan for the future not tainted with hate and hurt feelings.

The best thing about the prenup, if things do fall apart, you can move on with your life quickly and not have to deal with someone you probably hate, antagonizing you for months/years afterwards.

Get one.

All I'm getting out of this is "make sure you get married to someone richer than you."

I'd definitely get one before getting married.

Outside of civil unions to help provide insurance to loved ones, I can't think of one good reason to get married. Love is not a valid reason.

Also, people only really started marrying for love as the driving force kinda recently, haven't they? And how well has that worked out?

Anyone who doesnt get one is fucking crazy. I can only imagine you don't know a guy who got completely screwed from divorce, handing over his hard earned money and pension because things just didnt work out. They thought they were in love too.

edit: Also the woman is 2/3 as likely to ask for divorce. Fact

Also for the guys who are in it for the 'long haul' and take marriage 'seriously', you can't read minds or foresee the future, so really you're not doing yourself any favours if your spouse decides they've had enough.

Married no prenup. No big deal

You guys sound like a bunch of Salarians ... sign this please, congrats! we're now married you can start smiling.

@AngelN7 said:

You guys sound like a bunch of Salarians ... sign this please, congrats! we're now married you can start smiling.

Even without one, it's a piece of paper for a marriage anyways.

@Veektarius said:

Single, but I'd prefer a prenup. I'm just not sure how I'd raise it in conversation. Basically a romance killer during the engagement period, isn't it?

" What do you think about signing this piece of paper, so you can't take away half of my money and things when we get divorced ...pretty peachy right?"

@Jrinswand: So what is wrong with two people simply saying to each other "hey, let's spend the rest of our lives together" without adding in all that marriage bullshit. The act of marriage is purely symbolic except where the tax code is concerned. If love is enough of a reason to be together, just be together. Why do so many people feel the need to prove their love with a pointless, expensive, and exhausting ceremony that adds nothing to their relationship, outside of complicating the hell out of their lives should they decide to split up?

@pyromagnestir said:

My thoughts are that there should be an option for a more temporary marriage arrangement. I don't know how that would work, but someone smarter than me should figure it out.

Isn't that called a "relationship"?

My fiance is a lawyer. She makes more money than I do but we are both broke as shit (aka have no assets and negative net worth) so we will probably not bother with the pre-nup. Edit: Sorry, my Beyonce. Edit again aka double edit: We have spoken that I will murder her if something goes wrong anyway. So there's that. Rendering the prenup moot.

@BigDaddy81: That's fine until one of her friends has a huge wedding blowout and jealousy happens.

@BigDaddy81 said:

@Jrinswand: So what is wrong with two people simply saying to each other "hey, let's spend the rest of our lives together" without adding in all that marriage bullshit. The act of marriage is purely symbolic except where the tax code is concerned. If love is enough of a reason to be together, just be together. Why do so many people feel the need to prove their love with a pointless, expensive, and exhausting ceremony that adds nothing to their relationship, outside of complicating the hell out of their lives should they decide to split up?

Completely agree.

And, What is the point of getting married if you are not even sure BOTH of you are willing to spend the rest of your lives together? Marriage isn't the girlfriend/boyfriend relationship equivalent for "grown ups". If you are getting married it is because you mean it (and you are 100% sure your partner does too).

I have heard of so many failed marriages because they married for the wrong reasons to begin with. Reasons as shallow as "I want to be married before I'm x years old" or just because they are lazy, won't work and want to leech from their partner.

Of course, you never know what will happen, but marrying with the "We might get divorced" mentality isn't exactly starting on the right foot.

You gots to get your prenup so right. TWENTY DOES.

>marriage

Prenup's the best thing since sliced bread.

I'm married. Never gave a prenup much thought. I can definitely say that the vast majority of women would be deeply offended by the suggestion of getting one. Applying such a cold, lawyerly rationality to the relationship would be very much a guy thing

Not against them in principle, but not for me or my wife.

The fact is our finances have been intertwined for 9 years now, and if something did go wrong, I think an even split would be fair.

Everyone saying that a prenup means thinking it might go wrong somewhere down the line, and should, therefore, avoid getting married altogether is incredibly naive, and, in my opinion, lacking in life experience.

I think they're sexist.

@Tim_the_Corsair: You think that but you've never had to deal with a vindictive bitter spouse backed by a greedy sociopath lawyer.

I got married June 1st. We have a pre-nup. Thing is, we are very different people financially. I earn quite a lot of money, but I live kind of irresponsibly. I don't have a huge amount of saved cash. I mean, I am far from broke, but I like to buy games, I like to eat lunch at restaurants etc. My wife, on the other hand, she just sits on her money. She doesn't buy ANYTHING she doesn't need and when she does, she dwells on it. A lot. While she doesn't earn as much as I do, she has a hell of a lot more money saved up. It doesn't seem fair to completely split that down the middle just cause we put rings on our fingers.

We also don't have a fully shared economy. Each month we each put a set amount of money in two different "pools", one which pays for food and such items, and one for saving. The rest of the money we keep: it's ours to do with what we want. She still saves hers, I use mine to sustain my gaming habit. This way I don't have to feel bad about spending "our" money on "my" hobby and she doesn't have to stress out about all the useless shit I buy ;)

I just see it as a win-win situation.

Its not that you don't take your vows seriously, its that she wont. She will be the one taking all your shit in a divorce.

Though honestly, if I am marrying a girl who I feel like might try and jack my shit up in a divorce, I'm marrying the wrong girl.

My wife and I didn't because we were both in a crap load of debt so didn't really matter when we got married. 10 years later she is a stay at home mom raising my kids, and that alone deserves half of my shit if something ever happened to us.

@Example1013 said:

@pyromagnestir said:

My thoughts are that there should be an option for a more temporary marriage arrangement. I don't know how that would work, but someone smarter than me should figure it out.

Isn't that called a "relationship"?

Well, I guess you're being less than serious, but there are legal differences between the two, with some pretty big implications, so it would have to be something more concrete than that, legally. Isn't marriage basically just a relationship with some fancy paperwork, after all?

@Jrinswand said:

I can't speak for others but it's working out pretty well for me so far. /shrug

And I hope it keeps working out that way.

The smallest amount of research possible led me to this http://www.divorcerate.org/ which suggests a lot of people are either making wrong choices, or are making what may be or seem to be the right choices at the time, but the passage of time changes that somehow.

@Tim_the_Corsair: You think that but you've never had to deal with a vindictive bitter spouse backed by a greedy sociopath lawyer.

I would totally get one if I was rich, but since I'm not I dont really care.

I think it is better to have one than not, you don't know what could happen later in life.

@Tim_the_Corsair: But when the odds are in favor of your dick being shot you'd be a fool not to hangle some protection over your dangle.

I watched my dad get raked over the coals in my parents divorce. He inherited a lot of land from my grandfather, land that my mother had no business getting a single slice of. So, now because of that, land that had been in our family for hundreds of years is gone.

Fuck marriage. If you insist on committing to that stupidity, get a pre-nup.

@Tim_the_Corsair: But when the odds are in favor of your dick being shot you'd be a fool not to hangle some protection over your dangle.

I'm single and I would never get married without a pre-nup. I'm an only child whose parents own a few properties, most of which are also in my name. I want to make sure that I come out of the marriage with what I went in with and that, should my marriage end, he doesn't get access to non-communal property. I don't mind dividing what we made together 50/50, but there's no way I'd want an ex to get what my parents have worked so hard for.