By lordofultima 82 Comments
All this talk about my "dad" and how he's not good for much, made me realize that I'm almost following in his image, as I do pretty much nothing. I don't even have anymore excuses. I usually come up with a good one right about now, for covering my inability or motivation to achieve just about anything, but today I realized a couple things. I've run the well dry, baby.
There's so many things that I DON'T like about my life, and the logical response to all this would be to change it. Why is it then my human nature which causes me to idle and let everything pass me by? I mean I'm really struggling to find an answer to this. If we look at a comparison of what I like about me and what I don't like about me, what do we get?
- I'm good at Street Fighter
- I make Music and Videos!
- I have an awkward sense of humor
- I live with my mother
- I am unemployed
- I hate my skin complexion
- Stopped working out, gaining weight
- My sleeping schedule is fucked
- No fucking motivation
- I make excuses for everything
- I'm sort of an asshole to people
- I have a really short temper
- Need dentist work, procrastinating
- I'm socially awkward
You know, I'd put "I don't care about anyone but myself" under one of those, but the truth is I'm not even motivated enough to care about myself. I'm 23 years old, suddenly being good at Street Fighter doesn't amount to much. I have to take some damn responsibility and do something with myself. The funny thing is I already have my mind telling me that it's not worth it since I'll just fail again, like last year. Maybe I'll stop drinking soda, but oh wait there's a 2 liter of Pepsi in the fridge, guess it'll have to wait. I have seriously blamed people in this household for me drinking pop because they "enable" me by buying it in the first place. It doesn't even have to be mine.
Yeah. I figure I'd do something productive with my time which is why I'll be starting a workout journal (deja vu) over at my website. I won't bore you guys with reps and results as this is a video game website. It's just, yeah if you don't see me around so often. I'm at least TRYING to do something productive. If I can get back to where I'm actually comfortable with myself, then we can take the next step into actual RL. I'm going to do some interval training.