Edit: OH GOD IT'S REAL

These four sentences are the culmination of 300 hours of class work, countless hours of studying, 72 hours of on-the-job training, one state practical examination, and one national aptitude exam.

I can finally, officially, come to your house and SAVE YOUR ASS. The levels of pumped I am know no bounds.

Congrats. I'm gonna go work on my running lawnmower. Need to clean out the grass build-up.

Hey, grats man. That makes this accounting class I'm in RIGHT NOW seem like bullshit... man I'm outta here.

Good for you.

Congratulations.

Do not come to my house.

It clearly states it's not a license to practice! KEEP THOSE SHOCK PADDLES AWAY FROM ME!!

@Vodun: The state of Connecticut doesn't license EMT-B's, only certify.

Also, everything is AED's, these days. Shock paddles are for old-timey folks and Paramedics.

@Mmmslash said:

@Vodun: The state of Connecticut doesn't license EMT-B's, only certify.

Also, everything is AED's, these days. Shock paddles are for old-timey folks and Paramedics.

Aha! Of course I knew that, I was only testing you! Well played...*cough*

@Still_I_Cry said:

Congratulations.

Do not come to my house.

XD

Hot damn, time to start mixin' bleach and ammonia!

@PenguinDust: If you do that, they have to send HAZMAT into your house before Fire and Rescue can even pull you out.

That is to say, you will probably be dead before I am even legally allowed to look at your asphyxiated face.

Stay away from my ass, slash. 
 
And congratulations! You sound like a hardworker, kudos.

@Mmmslash: Aw geez, I guess it's back to playing with matches. (Congratulations by the way, I'm sure you'll serve your community well.)

Thanks much, Ahmad, I appreciate the compliment.

I'll make sure to send you a PM next time I am about to die.

@Jeffsekai said:

I'll make sure to send you a PM next time I am about to die.

Or post on your wall

@Jeffsekai: I probably would not offer any advice! We're the single most sued personnel on the planet.

"Oh, my car was on fire, and I was going to roast to death before Fire and Rescue showed up? WELL TOO BAD, YOU'RE NOT TRAINED IN EXTRICATION AND MY ARM BROKE ON THE WAY OUT OF THE CAR."

Cut to a scene of me in a cardboard box, on the side of the road, counting my empty cans to hope I can buy food tonight.

Congrats! Sounds quite a lot of work.

@Mmmslash: I would sue you for saving my life too!

Way to go! I feel a little bit safer, even though you are several countries away from me.

Back to sniffing paint for me.

Get away from me, you . . you . . you monster.

Congratulations.

I will now permit you to save me from a burning wreckage....only if it looks like I'm going to die though. If I look like I'm going to live just stand there like a personal trainer and offer some encouraging words so I can pull myself out.

"I'm 19 years old, enjoy candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, and anal sex."

You seem like an honest kind of guy too lol.

Can't wait.

@BlinkyTM: Oh god my mini bio is so old.

Congrats; I thought of giving it a shot but they said it wasn't right for me. Perhaps it had something to do with my request of "Hittin' `em with the healing sticks."

@BlinkyTM: Now I definitely do not want him coming to my house :P

Although as long as he isn't into cats then we're cool.

If I die I can only blame you

@Still_I_Cry said:

@BlinkyTM: Now I definitely do not want him coming to my house :P

Although as long as he isn't into cats then we're cool.

Ew...

Oh what a relief, I can finally have that heart attack I've been dreaming of, knowing I'll be saved by a member of our own community.

Great. Now leave me alone while I assemble fireworks while cooking meat on a grill near some faulty wiring.

Congrats man! Hope you save many lives!

I live in Nevada. You seriously have a lot of ground to cover.

@MooseyMcMan: Make sure to wash your hands after handling the food, there's legitimate risk for a microbial transmission.

I'm raising my glass of bleach to you in celebration!

you're worth $15,000 to the government now, right?

Ya I have no idea what that means but apparently it has something to do with making people not die which seems pretty good. Way to go.

@Mmmslash: I've got to be honest dude, I've known some EMTs and from the stories they tell, I'm not sure if I'd want any of them 'saving' me.

well congrats on that. come to my house :P

@gpbmike: We're looking forward to this winter. We can tie backboards to the bumper of the rig and go sledding at 30 miles per hour.

Life is pretty great.

@Mmmslash: Yep that sounds about right.

@gpbmike: I like to think that despite being childish and irresponsible personally, the majority of us do a damn fine job, though.

Just...probably stay on your side of the state, mkay?

@Still_I_Cry said:

@BlinkyTM: Now I definitely do not want him coming to my house :P

Although as long as he isn't into cats then we're cool.

Congrats duder!

@Xeiphyer: Thank you, Xeiph.

@Strongbadman47: You sick person.

@Still_I_Cry said:

@Strongbadman47: You sick person.

Congrats man! Best of luck on your career!

Edited for OH GOD IT'S EVEN BETTER THAN I imagined.

congrats, slash! can you fix my sore throat?