Gamez Of Da Year 2015
List items
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Aside from weak RPG progression and marble madness combat, Gwe..uh..The Witcher 3 is like my favourite game this year or something!
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I love spending 10 hours making a level no one will play!
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MY TYPE OF RPG! THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE DINOSAURS AND DIFFICULT COMBAT!
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I wish I had squid hair. I also wish I had hair, but I wish I had squid hair more than I wish I had hair.
A lot of people have hair. You see the same styles everywhere. Not many people have squid hair, so it's way cooler.
A bit like the state of the Wii U.
Stop.
Think.
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It's a comprehensible mess on your computer screen!
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Shame about the story, but hey! I like video games that play like video games!
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Bloodborne is like a hob nob.
Thin and dense.
Dark Souls is like a flapjack.
IT DOESN'T STOP GIVING!
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MATE! YOU MESSED UP MY SHOT! HOW DIDN'T YOU KNOW I WAS RIGHT BEHIND YOU FLYING IN FROM THE OTHERSIDE OF THE PITCH? I WAS TOTALLY GONNA HIT IT! GOD!
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Dumb fun..an artefact that grants immortality?! NO WAY! A CORPORATION WANTS IT TOO?! Jesus Christ! next you'll tell me that's not all they want and that there's something bigger out there.
Tomb Raider: Illuminati Godzilla
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BONUS!
Godzilla games have mostly been bad.
This game is pretty bad.
So why even mention it?
Let me tell you a story...
I wrestle with the controls, Godzilla's theme gradually thundering through my speakers. Dragging myself to shore, destroying fishing shacks that block a route to precious nuclear waste I must obtain. Battle Cruisers storm in, helicopters appear overhead and tanks flank me from both sides. Suddenly I am a 5ft Asian man in a rubber suit. I am Godzilla.
Dinosaurs and that sort of thing, specifically Godzilla - speak to me in a special sort of way.
They speak to my inner conscience, they say:
David, you are an idiot. Why did you even mention this game?
I answer: Only I read these lists, you are trapped with me Godzilla.
This is David, last survivor of the Nosdromo, signing off.
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