Symphony

" Hey look... it's more Disgaea.  Never thought I'd get sick of this franchise but here it is. Can't believe how much they are milking this. "

" @Symphony:   We totally have a dishwasher! As for the pink countertops.. I got nothin... It seems to go well with the beige looking appliances. "

" @Symphony:   You do realize how strict Venus is with their immigration laws, right? There's no way they'd let a filthy human on their planet! And don't think I'll give you warning, for every human must be destroyed! Only then shall Satan Claus be truly destroyed, just as he said with his last words! "

" @Symphony:  There's a funny story in there about my girlfriend having a dream about having a cabin or something on Venus, and then she started texting me from space. (OH MY GAWD THAT'S SO ADORABLE!) "

" @Symphony:   Great, two people who don't listen to the Bombcast. (I got it from the animated thing.) I'm still confused on the cancer thing. "

" @Symphony:  I'LL EVEN DRESS IN WOMAN'S CLOTHING LIKE MY DAD!
 

@Video_Game_King said:

Also, nice way to end the card; I'm sure the first thing she wants in a "get well soon" card is to be reminded that she has cancer, maybe. "

I'm a romantic that way. "

" @Symphony said:

" Wait.. I have cancer??"

Wait, I'm confused. *tries to transform into Jeff, but realizes lack of Bombcast game, but just transforms into custom Fallout 3 character made to look like Jeff* Miss Symphony, do you or do you not have cancer? Also, nice way to end the card; I'm sure the first thing she wants in a "get well soon" card is to be reminded that she has cancer, maybe. "

" @Symphony:*HEART SHATTERS INTO MILLIONS OF PIECES* EDIT: I was born in a mining Community! IT"S ALL I KNOW!"

TL;DR  
 
Edit: Okay I suppose I should actually say something now that all you will get in your inbox is "TL;DR" thus completing my evil plan, bwahahaha. 
 
" Yet, I have found Mining to be beyond easy, as a job class to level up, and have practically taken it up as my new main." 
 
Of course you would pick a class that is "beyond easy" to focus on as your main class. No surprise there, lowest common denominator and all.  :P 
 
And a better "gift" would be you ditching that terrible game and playing a different terrible game -- WoW, specifically!
 
Wait.. I have cancer?? 
 
Goddammit! 
 
Edit edit: Also, lawl at you not having a dishwasher. 
 
Edit edit edit: And pink counter tops lololol

Well yeah. Have you ever been hit by a SNES cartridge that someone threw? Those things can hurt! 
 
Edit: Now that I think about it, you could probably kill someone with an Atari 2600 to their skull. Or hell, even a Neo Geo cartridge.