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ZombiePie

To each and every one of you reading this; be kind, earnest, and nice to those around you.

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Wait...These Games Don't Have Sex?

These games tricked me! Admiral Ackbar is just as pissed as me!

List items

  • We all know what My Little Pony actually means...but I'm just going to say that I don't think I would ever attend a party hosted by someone known as "Pinkie Pie."

  • A game titled N.U.D.E. that doesn't have any nudity in it? Alright the Japanese have proven themselves to be crazy with sex games on numerous occasions and the fact that this isn't one of them perplexes me. Oh WAIT, I TOTALLY CREATED THIS PAGE...AWKWARD...

  • So this is just some stupid F-Zero rip off? That involves tubes that I have to slide in and involves nothing dirty at all? Maybe I do need to seek professional help...

  • He he he....wet, he he he...Yeah I do have a mental problem of some sort...

  • You mean to tell me I bought a Gizmondo and I can't play porno games on it? I fully expect a game that involves balls which are sticky for unknown reasons to be R-rated, but then again my brain is in such a dark place at this point of my life.

  • So this is just a typing tutor that teaches me how to type gratuitous insults? Then fuck this shit!

  • Uhhhh...It's not like I enjoy irritating sticks...Or that I expected irritaing sticks in this game to be somehow...you know what I think I'm digging my own grave here so I'll just stop.

  • Japan, you're really starting to disappoint me. I expect the absolute worst from a nation that has animes where robots are sexualized and video games with rape as a main game mechanic.

  • You know what? The description for this game is so great I'm actually happy it's not a sex game.

    "Oh no! The evil toad Baron Greenback has kidnapped Penfold and is trying to take over the world with a whoopee cushion scheme! Can you, as the cartoon hero Danger Mouse, rescue Penfold and stop the evil Baron's plan?"

  • Somehow I doubt that this a dairy cow simulator, if you catch my drift.

  • Unfortunately this game does not give a whole new meaning to doctor confidentially protection. Double sadly ONGYNs are not considered amateur surgeons.

  • Because I'm an idiot for not knowing that "dic" is an accepted abbreviation for dictionary. In fact I have three dics in my room...wait no it's two because, of forget it ugh...

  • Let me tell you about reckin' balls...Oh I wait I can't say anything inappropriate about this game because I created this page...jeez this is awkward (AGAIN).

  • So this is what they meant by irritating sticks....Wild Woody lives in Cumming, Georgia (no really it a real place; Wikipedia it for proof!).

  • An adaption of the long forgotten sequel to Judy Blume's book "Are you There God? It's Me Margaret."

  • The only good calamari is deep fired calamari with a side of tartar sauce.

  • Too easy....

  • No but you can munch the carpet.

  • This was originally the title for the hidden track on Salt-n-Pepa's debut album "Hot, Cool & Vicious," that was immediately dropped when PETA protested that it was racist against rams.

  • Sadly a game that does not deal with male deviant behavior. FOR SHAME!

  • This is luckily a box that I can squeeze happily and with no feelings of regret...wait what the hell am I talking about?

  • And HOW!

  • Let me flash you my finger...my double middle fingers that is!

23 Comments

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AlwaysAngry

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Edited By AlwaysAngry

Heh, oh wow.

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Marino

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ZombiePie

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Edited By ZombiePie  Staff
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CharkeeFarlee

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eliminator

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Edited By eliminator

Heh great list,I have a similar list with games that would make good Porn titles.
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Bigheart711

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Edited By Bigheart711

Thanks for pointing these out. :)

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habster3

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Edited By habster3

Great read!

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Getz

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Edited By Getz

This is my favorite list on Giantbomb.

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Darkstar_Pug

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Edited By Darkstar_Pug

#18 = Win
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Aonarach

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Edited By Aonarach

Lmao I love it!  And how is Squeeze Box not about sex?!

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deactivated-5ecb7058c6151

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lol great list!

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Ignor

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awesomeusername

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Edited By awesomeusername

Hahahaha!

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Echo

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Edited By Echo

So much disappointment... 

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Slither_Maggot

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Edited By Slither_Maggot

Niiiice! I couldn't stop laughing! X-D

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Siphillis

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Edited By Siphillis
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TheCeej

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Edited By TheCeej

Spanky's Quest actually IS about sex. Think about it. The main character is Spanky The Monkey (and you know what that means), and he goes around throwing his balls at fruits. If you're going to say that's not a euphemism for sex, you're going to have to prove that euphemisms for sex don't exist. It's the most obvious euphemism ever written. Even a third grader is capable of more wit.

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ZombiePie

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Edited By ZombiePie  Staff

@TheCeej said:

Spanky's Quest actually IS about sex. Think about it. The main character is Spanky The Monkey (and you know what that means), and he goes around throwing his balls at fruits. If you're going to say that's not a euphemism for sex, you're going to have to prove that euphemisms for sex don't exist. It's the most obvious euphemism ever written. Even a third grader is capable of more wit.

This isn't about euphemisms... this is about actual fucking.

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AngelN7

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Edited By AngelN7

No but you can munch the carpet.

Oh god I seriously lost it there, this is the best.

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TheCeej

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Edited By TheCeej

@ZombiePie:

A euphemism about sex IS actually about sex. It's just not represented that way. For example, if I said, "I'll let you swing my bat, if you know what I mean," I'm talking about sex using baseball as the vehicle. I'm not talking about baseball. George Orwell's Animal Farm isn't about a farm. It has nothing to do with a farm. But, in spite of that, every page talks about a farm. The same way, Spanky's Quest isn't about what they're actually showing you. It's about sex.

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ZombiePie

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Edited By ZombiePie  Staff

@TheCeej: Fine.

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buzz_clik

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Edited By buzz_clik
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eccentrix

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lololololololololololololololololol