Quick Look: Kinect Sports: Rivals

I fucking detest the ads for this game. It's a throwback to the 'bull-fucking-shit' TV advertising from my youth - remember ads for Transformers, where it was suggested that Optimus Prime would, like, transform himself, and your toy would bristle with electricity? Same shit here - "BECOME A SPORTS LEGEND!!! BECOME A HOT BLACK CHICK AND SERVE A TENNIS BALL!!! BECOME A EUROPEAN FOOTBALL GENIUS AND DO, LIKE, SHIT IN THE AIR AND SCORE SPECTACULAR GOALS…!!!".

Like shit. Anybody tries to leap around their living room like the ads suggest, and they'll break every fucking bone in their body. Classic illustration of, "hmm, we really need to make this product look more dynamic than it actually is..."

And oh, Jeeeeeesus, but what is that appalling music at the beginning of this Quick Look…? # oh yeah, let's have a good-time, partay wid our buddehs, inda house, yeaaaaah #

Fuck off.

This is a good quick look. Also, the models totally look like these guys. And like Ryan somehow. Vinny was super funny.

Listen!

@hans_olo said:

I was waiting for this to appear.

Would like to see some more of the games played on UPF.

Man, I REALLY missed Kinect quicklooks. Some of the best

Hey Microsoft! If you could put out more Kinect shovelware so that the GB staff can quicklook more shitty Kinect games, that'd be great!

@deepspaceoctopus said:

I'm pretty sure he's imitating Altered Beast. I said it in unison with him the first time.

I was getting a very strong "horse meet rider, rider meet horse" from that tennis.

Damn that's some damn colourful looking game. Painful.

This event doesn't support seated play, Vinny...

Ahhh It's like we're back at the old Whiskey offices again :))

That was genuinely amazing.

I feel like if Jeff had got a strike by shrugging that would have gone down in history as a classic GB moment.

Oh shit David tennant is voicing this, from being one of the best ever Doctors in Dr Who, to doing a crappy Kinect sports game, I wonder how they managed to persuade him to do that.

Wait that's David Tennant? I can see it now that I know, but man. Wouldn't have expected it. Not used to hearing him pure Scottish.

Dat Rare connection.

VinnCo presents: The Dad Dance

BUCKLE UP!!

Seriously Kinect, why do you even exist.

Great quick look though.

Couldn't stop giggling throughout this QL. Wish Vinny would have tried breaking the character thing though

That is the most exciting thing about this game. The game actually looks alright though.

"Vinny I don't like this. I'm kneeling and bowing in front of my Kinect."

Oh, how I've missed green screen shenanigans.

Man, Rare once developed my favorite video game of all time in DK64. I wonder if any of those folks are even at the company, after all the management juggling they've gone through.

Also, "BUCKLE UP! YOU KNOW, FOR TENNIS. BITCH."

I actually let out an audible laugh - a literal LOL - when I saw this thing was a full priced ($60) title. I was assuming this was a $30 "see what your kinect can really do" kinda title.. are they mad?!! Who in their right mind would spend full fare on this nonsense??!

didn't they say this would work now.

I'm all about David Tennant talking about pixels pouring over your face data.

HOLD ON TO UR HATS AND GLASSES, CUZ THIS HERE'S THE WILDEST RIDE IN THE WILDERNESS!!!

Jeff Gerstman doing mocap work for Andross is all I could think seeing this.

Lol, people from different countries have different accents! Giant Bomb humor at its best.

Nah but it was a pretty fun QL.

The game actually looks surprisingly adequate... Too bad it won't go anywhere, stemming from the bad taste the last Kinect gave everyone. And Jeff looks MISERABLE from the moment the game booted.

The wave racer part looks exactly like what I would imagine an (idealized) HD remake of the Crash Bandicoot 3 wave rider levels looking like.

That virtual Jeff actually looks pretty freakin' accurate. Consider me impressed, Kinect.

So, this is what Rare is up to, and this is also the only video game David Tennant has ever done voice-over work for. Both of those things are SUPER DEPRESSING. Great quick look though

The bowling part doesn't look too bad actually. Maybe that's just because I like bowling. It's also the simplest sport for the kinect to handle.

This...was exactly as I expected. A bad game made fun by people who are humoring it in such a way that it must break a record somewhere for fake tolerance. Well done duders, well done.

They should have spent the entire QL just fucking with the character creator.

Good to know the Kinect is still a piece of shit.

"I'd rather play Wii Sports"

damn.

Haha, watching jeff get frustrated with the kinect when he was making all those faults was pretty great.

That coach is a dirt bag.

One of the best Quick Looks!

I miss Vinny and Jeff Quick Looks.

Also they said "Power Up" in this, and 5 years later, Vinny would play Altered Beast to completion. Coincidence?

Man Vinny had some sick moves back in the day

I miss Kinect Quick Looks