Part 38: The Highroads ARE TERRIBLE!

Author's Note: I will not be held accountable for the terrible title of this blog post. If you plan on calling the "Pun Police," tell them that I'll be ready for them.

When we last met, I provided an impassioned plea defending the "Laughing Scene." Today I articulate why the highroads are incorrigible. Most would cite the cloister puzzles as the indelible black mark in Final Fantasy X, but hear me out. The temple puzzles are perplexing in their own right. Their Byzantine design rarely subjects you to narrative high points. Be that as it may, they were erected by a role-playing design team who didn't know better. The awfulness of the highroads has no excuse.

It's a shame because the idea of the Mi'ihen Highroad is sound. The frenetic action in Luca warrants a "breather" level to accompany it. A quiet puzzle level would have made perfect sense. In their grand wisdom, the design team placed a dull highway with a ridiculously high encounter rate between you and the next story set piece. They should know better than this, and up to this point, have. Final Fantasy X's quick pace is one of its glowing attributes. Mostly, Final Fantasy X avoids subjecting you to grinding, and this adds to its light-hearted nature.

I won't mince words; both of the highroads are bad. They are dull, visually drab, and no fucking fun to play. That last point is the biggest bone I have to pick. The highroads are designed as if we are playing Final Fantasy VII. You'll take a few steps in one direction and be flung into an encounter posthaste. Worse of all, the story comes to a screeching halt as you trek through these levels. There are bits of the game's lore to enjoy, but much like the levels themselves, they are dry and tiresome.

I know what the counter-argument to my belly-aching is. Having a handful of these levels guarantees your party is leveled up. Fine, I get it. The game wishes to keep me leveled appropriately so I need not grind on my own volition. I find this argument problematic. For example, why did the design team include an enemy which self-destructs?

This segues into a major mechanical issue I have with Final Fantasy X. It is impossible to grind without a design tribulation making battles more difficult than they should. The nature of the characters is another concern. Because there are no "levels," I never know if I am prepared for the next stage. I could count my activated points on the Sphere Grid, but that would be a nightmare. Am I ready to move on, or should I stop and explore my surroundings? This conundrum is a constant worry in Final Fantasy X.

Part 39: Where Did All The Pizazz Go?

It doesn't help the Mi’ihen Highroad is artistically the dullest level in the game. You vicariously move the party on a dirt road sparsely populated with people or visual "treats." Unless you enjoy shades of green and brown, I doubt you'll be enamored with the Mi’ihen Highroad. There's the occasional rusted statue, but for all intents and purposes, this is a wasteland. It is one of the game's most prominent artistic missteps.

A decrepit octogenarian is our only respite. He's a nuisance because you don't know how long you're locked into one of his discourses if you agree to listen to him. Regrettably, his contributions are frivolous and apocryphal. The game provides historical context to the Crusaders and their role in Spira, but this is tenuous. Why should I care about the Crusaders at this point in the story? It hurts this information is presented as a drab lecture. Perhaps the game is front-loading us for what occurs at Mushroom Rock. Unfortunately, the game misses the mark because I don't give a shit about what this old fart is rambling about.

Our other social interactions at the Mi’ihen Highroad fare no better. There's an acolyte of Yevon named Shelinda, and her voice acting is wretched! The only NPC interactions worth writing about are the scant ones you have with the Crusaders. Regrettably, the game doesn't reveal its cards on why they are here until after you reach the Travel Agency. The tedium grows as you trudge further down the highroad.

The highroad is a missed opportunity. When we first entered the city of Luca, Yuna pointed out it was one of two cities left in Spira. What does the game provide the moment we leave Luca? A desolate wasteland with ruins strewn in the foreground. Why doesn't the story connect these dots? Why not show a ruined city or historical example of Sin's might? Why am I here, and why should I care? The game delays answering these questions far longer than it should. The consequence is the story stops without provocation and takes its time to get back on track.

Part 40: The Boss Battle Against Belgemine Is FUCKED!

There is one moment on the Mi’ihen Highroad I want to address individually. I want to discuss the first battle against Belgemine. They become easier as the story progresses, but the first battle against Belgemine is an absolute chore! The game does not prepare you for the onslaught you are about to experience. There's a random summoner beckoning for Yuna, and then BOOM it is murder time!

Let me get this straight. You're one of the most prolific summoners in Spira. As you are on your pilgrimage, a random person comes up to you and challenges you to a duel. They promise they have "a few things to teach you" to make it worth your while. Why is this happening? Is there an agreement between Summoners they must accept a duel when presented one? Is Spira secretly set during 18th century Europe?

NO, FUCK THIS! How much more complicated can summoning get? For fuck's sake! Let me break this down for you Final Fantasy X! You wait for your summoner to get a turn and then select "Summon!" Then the monster you summoned WRECKS SHIT UP! We're done! There's NOTHING you need to add to this process! This game has too many mechanics for its own good. I don't know which is more pointless, leveling your summons or the equipment customization system. All I know is I could not give half a shit about either!

The battle against Belgemine is UNFAIR! Belgemine uses an Aeon two steps above yours. This means a blow for blow fight against her Ifrit would be fatal. Luckily for all involved, Belgemine's Ifrit alternates between "Attack" and "Meteor Strike," as well as "Hell Fire" when its Overdrive gauge is maxed out. This boils the battle down to a waiting game. You shield the more powerful attacks and strike during the less powerful ones. After offing her monster I was awarded an Echo Ring, which I already had.

I HATE how the game spoils what Belgemine is after our first encounter. She's a fucking ghost. I don't care what special term this game has for phantoms, Belgemine is a goddamned ghost. The writing could not be bothered to handle her dialogue with nuance. What is especially insulting is how the game assumes you didn't piece this together the first time around. I'll ask you a simple question to further my point. What's the point to a riddle, when everyone knows the answer?

Part 41: The Few Good Scenes On The Mi’ihen Highroad

I suspect it is obvious I hate the Mi’ihen Highroad. It is a boring slog the design team shouldn't have included. Well, mostly. There are three scenes at this location I think are unequivocal success stories. These successes are deep character moments which shed new light on our cast members. They are NOT long-winded history lectures from a senile geezer.

The first of these occurs after we encounter the Chocobo Knights. They warn us of a monster which consumes Chocobos. Tidus expresses a desire to kill this monster, but everyone looks at him with befuddlement. Auron calls Tidus on his bullshit as being unnecessary, and Tidus is left speechless. It's about time someone points out how the hero shouldn't chase after EVERY monster. The scene is also a friendly reminder of Auron's value to Tidus. Throughout the story, Auron provides Tidus with life lessons and parables about his father. These interactions add humanity to each character, especially when shit gets rough.

The second moment occurs after Yuna's clash with Belgemine. Yuna is approached by a small family bearing gifts. A child asks Yuna if she will "bring us the Calm." A flummoxed Tidus is informed, "the Calm" is a period of peace after Sin is defeated. This peace is short lived as Sin respawns after ten years. Upon Sin's return, the vicious cycle starts anew. Tidus is mystified by Spira's Catch-22, and reasonably so. He questions if going through this rigmarole is worth it and levies other poignant questions. For example, if Yevon views Sin to be a "punishment," why does it condone its perennial murder?

Yuna's rebuke sheds new light on the people of Spira, and their mental state. As we traversed the highroad, our party encounters several people. Many happily give Yuna gifts. The message is simple. The Calm is a once in a lifetime experience, and the remnants of Spira will do ANYTHING to experience it. So shattered is their spirit, they will scrounge up what little resources they have to help someone who could stop their suffering.

I enjoy how the writing uses Tidus during these moments. When Yevon is brought up, Tidus plays the role of the skeptic. More often than not, Tidus will inquire about the origins of a religious practice, and the remaining cast is unable to address his question. The entrenched nature of Yevon becomes a blaring clarion. I want to know why this doesn't happen more often. The story is begging for Tidus to reflect on his comments. Instead, it plays up his goofier side.

Part 42: Great Character Moments Galore!

After what feels like an onslaught of mediocrity, the story picks up. Our troupe of heroes inexplicably find themselves at a rest stop run by an Al Bhed merchant. Despite some consternation from Wakka, the cast rests there for the night. This is how you provide a transitional sequence in your story. Have the characters talk in a low-risk environment. HOW FUCKING DIFFICULT WAS THAT? These are the moments Final Fantasy X needs rather than laborious temple puzzles or structured grinding.

The art design does an admirable job of establishing a unique culture in the travel agency. In our first peaceful interaction with an Al Bhed since the introduction, we absorb a bit of Al Bhed culture. Our short conversations with Rin put a face on the Al Bhed, but the game pulls its punches. This is a major fault of the story. The Al Bhed are masked fiends who impede our progress, but the question of "why" isn't established until AFTER Rikku joins our party. Final Fantasy X's "start-stop" storytelling once again rears its ugly head.

I am warming up to the dynamic between Yuna and Tidus. Their interactions at the travel agency are touching and resonant. We watch Yuna extol the virtues of Yevon, and Tidus question the implications of its practices. My only nitpick is the lack of follow through on Tidus's skeptical inquiry. This time, Yuna explains how Sin is punishment for humanity's use of technology. Tidus responds by highlighting the benefits of technology, and Yuna has no counter-argument. Unfortunately, the story transitions as if this conversation never happened.

Superficially I appreciated this moment because it places a spotlight on Yevon. After a thousand years, the people of Spira are lock-step in agreement with the church's belief system. This provides spectacular foreshadowing to their more odious activities. The church has manipulated the people of Spira for YEARS. This underscores how important Tidus is to the story; he is one of the few people "untouched" by Yevon. Tidus is far from tolerable when he expresses his inquisitive side, but at least there's a reason.

The rest of the dialogue is more sentimental. Yuna reveals the end-goal of her pilgrimage is to reach Zanarkand. Tidus declares he needs to see the ruins of his former home, and his membership in our party is assured. Some might condemn this as narrative "bow-tying," but I'd call it effective storytelling. Tidus was the odd man out in our party. Auron had to drag him to Yuna before we left Luca. Now he has a raison d’être much like the rest of the party. It's "cheap" storytelling that gets the job done.

Part 43: Chocobos… Why Did It Have To Be Chocobos?

The boss battle against the Chocobo Eater happened. I didn't hate it, nor did I love it. It happened. I am tired of the game using the "HIT THE BOSS REAL HARD FOR THE NEXT TWO TURNS OR ELSE," tactic. This guarantees even the most benign boss becomes a burdensome slog. Thankfully the game has a seamless character swapping system, but a few boss battles go on far longer than they should.

For those who have followed this series since its inception, you know Chocobos are the bane of my existence. This continues to be the case. I can only imagine someone at Square slap-dashed this into the game after an executive demand. So good on the game for creating an arbitrary second half to the Mi'ihen Highroad for the sake of fanwankery. What an excellent use of my time. I consider myself "blessed."

We find ourselves at a blockade at the end of the Mi'ihen Highroad. The Crusaders plan on enacting an operation they believe will eliminate Sin once and for all. Unfortunately for us, this is an obstacle to Yuna's pilgrimage. The next temple Yuna must peruse is on the other side of the gate. Lo-and-behold, Seymour shows up with two of the most villainous looking bodyguards. I mean... just look at his entourage:

The story cannot decide on what it wants out of Seymour. I find him to be more interesting on paper than in execution. Despite excommunicating the Crusaders for using Machina, he blesses them with his praise. Despite its stunning conclusion, "Operation Mi'ihen" is a narrative mess. It doesn't help the Crusaders are underdeveloped. One lecture at the beginning of the Mi'ihen Highroad is all the context you are provided. Why are they so confident this endeavor will work? How did they bridge the gap between themselves and the Al Bhed? Why are they here? Worse of all, the beachside operation features few faces for us to grab on to.

It is worth mentioning there is a tutorial at the gate on "Key Spheres." From time to time you'll acquire "Key Spheres" which open new branches on the Sphere Grid. The concept is simple enough, but with one major pitfall. You do not understand how to acquire these spheres! The Level 1 and 2 spheres are easy to come by. I rolled the dice on Kimahri, and he can now cast "Holy." The Level 3 and 4 Spheres are a different story. You have to go out of your way to acquire these spheres, and they are few and far between.

Part 44: What's The Deal With The Crusaders?

There's no disputing that "Operation Mi’ihen" is an emotionally evocative scene which adds weight to Final Fantasy X's story. It is a remarkable tour de force of cinematics and storytelling. Our adventure has been a thoroughly enjoyable travelogue with little time set aside to meditate the necessity of our journey. The operation serves an effective "point of no return" for Tidus. Once the scene is done Tidus comes to terms with the fact he's never returning to Zanarkand. His priority evolves to "defeating Sin" with the ulterior motive of finding out what happened to his father.

There are issues worth mentioning. The game's message about the Crusaders and Yevon is a garbled mess. First, let's establish some "facts." The Crusaders are a paramilitary organization approved by the church leadership. This is an organization which has pledged fealty to the church for hundreds of years. For reasons which are never made clear, they now fight for the "greater good." I understand the background information for Lord Mi'ihen establishes an independent streak to the organization, but this still feels "convenient." Additionally, the game doesn't put a face on the Al Bhed. They join the operation, and they're JUST THERE. The monumental nature of their co-operation leads to NOTHING, and that's a damn shame.

Beyond eliciting an emotional response from the player, what is the purpose of Operation Mi’ihen? What message is the game trying to convey? Is the story trying to affirm how we are the only ones capable of stopping Sin? Was the church hierarchy trying to make a power-play in eliminating non-believers? Was the church trying to manufacture propaganda? Finally, why does the game transition the story to Seymour's subplot? After spending an hour imparting a sense of a strong hierarchy behind Yevon, the game casts this aside to make Seymour's "fall from grace" the next major focal point.

If the game wanted Operation Mi’ihen to suggest there's a nefarious streak to Seymour, it did a piss poor job. Of the people exiting the ruins, he comes across the most level-headed. He is the one who protected Yuna from an evil millipede. Likewise, he comes across as an unnecessary sidenote. This is due to the game not developing him as a character before he becomes the secondary antagonist. Once again a primary character has a fall from grace without empathy building until AFTER they turn heel.

Part 45: I Bet Operation Mi’ihen Is Going To Be A Success….

Can I ask you a quick question? WHY ARE THERE RANDOM ENCOUNTERS AT THE CRUSADER BASE? The goddamned Chocobo Knights and Crusaders ARE RIGHT THERE! Why didn't the developers turn off the random encounters at Mushroom Rock? The game is building up to an ominous battle YOU KNOW will result in failure. Why ruin the mood and tone with pointless bullshit?

After an eon of combat bullshitery, our party meets up with Gatta and Luzzu. Luzzu dismisses Gatta to guard duty as he prepares to fight Sin on the front line. It is a touching altercation which leads to an even better one. As he prepares to go to battle, Luzzu approaches Wakka and informs him he recruited his brother, Chappu, into the Crusaders. In a fit of rage, Wakka decks Luzzu.

If the game didn't spend most of its time depicting Wakka as a lovable oaf I think this scene would have improved two-fold. There was always a tragic underpinning to Wakka, but what that tragedy meant to him isn't transparent to the audience. What is unambiguous is his love for Blitzball and Yevon. When I think back on it, the last we heard about Chappu was during the bonfire at Besaid. This is a chasm the game does not effectively cross. It is too much of a burden to leave a plotline unattended to for five hours.

As superficial as it may sound, Wakka ends up salvaging the scene. Wakka's deep resentment of Machina is contextualized intelligibly. Chappu died while operating an Al Bhed contraption, and this is the source of Wakka's racism against the Al Bhed. Grief comes in many shapes and sizes. Who is to say Wakka's grief didn't make him more susceptible to the teachings of Yevon? Wakka's intolerance is a cautionary on why the teachings of Yevon aren't the solution for Spira's problems. I would argue Wakka is a case study on the dangers of Yevon. It's frame storytelling at its finest.

The game wants the viewer to notice an anachronism with Yevon's stance regarding technology. My issue stems from the game not leaning into this. As mentioned earlier, the game follows a tiresome format when pointing out Yevon's hypocrisy. Tidus questions a flaw to Yevon's teachings, and the party ignores his points. We learn nothing about how Yevon indoctrinated the people of Spira, nor does Tidus deepen his probing. These moments occur in isolation from one another and ultimately fall "flat." What could have been an interesting dynamic for Tidus, ends up serving more "fish out of water" dialogue.

I have an issue with this. You can't name drop a character and expect a reaction. That name needs to mean something. Lulu is criminally underdeveloped. She spends the entire game acting as an encyclopedia for Tidus. What is especially frustrating is how this doesn't segue to a Lulu character moment. We have to wait another TWO HOURS before Tidus has a one-on-one conversation with Lulu! While the overall story has a breezy pace, the character development is herky-jerky.

Part 46: Shit Hits The Fan!

Lo-and-behold, Final Fantasy X rises above its superficial patchwork to convey something AMAZING! The game establishes a sense of dread as Operation Mi’ihen draws near. The dark sky and downbeat music ominously scaffold the impending cataclysm. It's enchanting how the game crafts a compelling moment out of an inevitability. Our interactions along the way accentuate the tragedy we are about to witness.

Before the story fires on all cylinders, we meet the hefty Maester Kinoc. The demure Kinoc expresses his certainty the Crusader's will fail. Kinoc is more concerned about the return of Auron and begins an interrogation of him. It's nice the game showcases the leadership behind Yevon, but it doesn't go far enough in making them "characters." Kinoc mentions allowing this operation to happen because he wants the people to "dream a little longer." The story teases a darker purpose to Yevon, but nothing more. Instead, the game throws distractions at your party. As the operation begins we fight a massive millipede.

The visual design of Sinspawn Gui is far more regaling than the battle. Combating Sinspawn Gui is a long and drawn out affair. This protracted battle becomes a grind due to its design. Whoever in the Final Fantasy X design team thought it was a great idea to have five bosses with regenerating limbs should be banned from video game development. This is the most contrived way to add difficulty to a boss battle. The segmented nature of Gui's body doesn't help either. Occasionally its head will shake, and that's your sign to attack it to prevent a party leveling attack. For whatever reason, the damage you inflict on Gui's head doesn't advance you in defeating it. Between the arms and head, entire turns are WASTED, and this arbitrarily elongates the encounter.

The second battle against Sinspawn Gui is an efficacious "abilitease." Seymour leaps to Yuna's rescue, and in the brief time we control him, we see how superior his abilities are. This harkens to the Nibelheim Incident in Final Fantasy VII. The scene helps us understand why Seymour should not be taken lightly. Seymour is LOADED! But enough about Seymour's chiseled blue pecs! Let's review the stunning cutscenes which play after Gui is defeated.

Sin's destruction of Mushroom Rock is a visual pièce de résistance. After months of planning the Crusaders are defeated in minutes. In one electromagnetic-pulse Sin evaporates an entire army. It is a stark reminder of how Yuna is our only hope to free Spira from this destruction. As the Al Bhed power their weaponry, it too is left in ruins. When we regain control over Tidus he is horrified by what he sees.

Part 47: Building Empathy Through Death

Tidus has a "WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOR????!!!!" moment with Gatta, but his succeeding moments are more heartbreaking. Having finally come to terms with Jecht being Sin, Tidus feels responsible for the destruction he has witnessed. Resolved to do something about this, Tidus jumps into the water and swims towards Sin. Tidus's impulsive behavior builds our empathy for him. Tidus doesn't have a plan, but he knows he has to do something. It is the most "human" thing Tidus has done in the game.

Tidus's resolve continues to enamor me. He desperately wants to enjoy his time with Yuna peacefully. Does he know what he will do if he catches Sin? Does a dog know what to do if it catches the car it was chasing? Tidus is a teenager, and teenagers think they can solve their problems by jumping straight into them. Worrying about consequences always comes second. Shit, swimming after a giant whale might be the most "normal" thing Tidus has done in Final Fantasy X!

Yuna has an equally evocative scene. Overcome with emotion she desperately tries to stop Sin by performing the "Final Summon." She isn't ready to perform this ritual, but it's the only thing she knows which can stop Sin. It isn't until Seymour convinces her she is deluded that Yuna realizes there's nothing she can do to stop the devastation. We've spent the entire game watching Yuna help people, and now she is stuck in a situation where she can't. Her sense of helplessness is heart-wrenching.

This is one of a handful of scenes Final Fantasy X conveys with narrative consistency. Tidus's scene is complemented by Yuna's and vice versa. The game replaces its broad strokes for more accurate ones, and the difference is massive. We witness a chilling reminder every person is a blink away from destruction. When I watched Yuna perform her dance to usher the spirits of the dead, and she wouldn't stop dancing, my heart sunk. The game succeeds in convincing you that what we have witnessed is an unspeakable tragedy.

Part 48: The Story Just Gets Darker

Final Fantasy X's dark turn is appreciated. Moments ago, Yuna asked Tidus to help fill her pilgrimage with laughter. Now they will have to put this into practice. There is one more element to Mushroom Rock I would like to discuss. This involves Tidus's flashback in the ocean. Tidus loses consciousness in the ocean and is swept into a dream when he was younger.

We discover Jecht was an alcoholic and a negligent parent. I don't know how I feel about this. I would go a step further and say this revelation makes me uncomfortable. I understand what the game is attempting. I understand it perfectly. Sin is a beast like alcoholism, and Jecht carries a burden given his abuse of alcohol. Jecht can never stop being an alcoholic, or Sin, and will struggle daily with this burden. As Sin, Jecht is chasing something. Maybe his addiction, maybe his son, or maybe his salvation. Only time will tell.

I will warn you, if this devolves into a "Salvation Narrative," I will flip a table. Jecht is thoroughly irredeemable in my books. Subjecting me to repeated character reminders he "meant well," leaves me with an empty feeling. You do not employ the specter of addiction and then double back. If this devolves into the game claiming everything can be forgiven after the abuser has "seen the light," I am done. The game has made a compelling case that Tidus's ill-feelings towards his father are legitimate. Even if Jecht was able to walk away from his addiction, this does not forgive his abusive past.

I hope this blog doesn't come across as judgmental. I don't feel the need to be judgmental against a game I love. I feel many of the emotions the game wants me to feel. Sad, sometimes a bit sick, but also aware of how large a place circumstance plays in any — every — life. Encountering the damage that alcoholics do, both to their own lives and to those around them, is grim. The writing bears a great burden to make what it is attempting "work." Here's to hoping it does.

Part 49: Breathing Room

A bone I usually pick with Final Fantasy games is how they do not allow for their dramatic moments to resonate with their audience. Final Fantasy VII was the worst offender. Discovering Barret's tragic backstory is complimented with the neon-drenched wonderment of the Golden Saucer. Final Fantasy X does not repeat the mistakes of its predecessors. The characters know what happened and carry on in a quest to end further wanton cruelty.

Before Yuna continues her pilgrimage, there are several touching character moments. Auron poignantly confronts Kinoc, and Seymour speaks to Yuna. Seymour's aside to Yuna provides the first hint he has a hidden utility for Yuna. Immediately afterward, Tidus and Auron have a moment together. Auron notices the latest events have had an impression on Tidus and seeks to provide context.

Heavy stuff, eh? Jecht gravitates towards Tidus in a desperate attempt to have Tidus kill him. It gets none darker than that. This is something I can get behind. We have a clear sense of where we are going, and why our protagonist NEEDS to be on this journey. Say what you will about Tidus as a character, but what the story subjects him to is more interesting than his reactions. Interlaced in the scene is the growing sense of guilt Tidus feels as Sin causes further destruction. This sympathy building is another piece to Final Fantasy X's emotional honesty.

Then Kimahri speaks for the first time. This scene is pure bliss. Kimahri shows signs of warming up to Tidus, after hours of strife, and seeks to provide him with life advice. The two characters play off each other flawlessly. Kimahri extrapolates why Yuna works hard to keep everyone happy. Tidus then asks Kimahri to ostensibly "put up or shut up." When Kimahri obliges, you cannot help but smile. The characters are working their emotions to a breaking point, and there's no denying the animation is horrifying, but the scene works.

You would think the next level complimented the game's dower tone. NOPE! THE NEXT LEVEL IS A GODDAMNED HIGHROAD! This one has tougher enemies and an equally frustrating encounter rate. THERE IS NO GOD!

Then there are the Chocobo Knights. I wanted to punch these fuckers in the face. After witnessing countless numbers of their brethren die, their first worry is about their Chocobos. I am not joking you. Thousands of people have died, and the captain of the Chocobo Knights has the audacity to complain about not being able to ride a giant chicken. An adult wrote this and did not realize how discordant it is. I just... I don't even.

Okay... I think the bullshitery is done with. Hopefully, the game is ready to impress with another dramatic story set piece.

Play XII. It makes Chocobo Knights non-stupid at least plausible as war-mounts. Promise.

Also I should ask what you currently think if Sin as an antagonist? When I played I was never able to get over the fact that (a) I always thought it was sort of dumb looking and thus non-threatening and (b) is literally named "Sin," which I find obnoxious in its lack of subtlety.

@zirilius@crommi@vierastalo@bigsocrates@arbitrarywater@danielkempster@riostarwind@mento@cloudymusic@jesus_phish@lawgamer@hassun@robbparris@naoiko@dixavd@max_cherry@gamer_152@zandravandra@nickieroonie@amlabella@mattyftm@mikelemmer

This "all call" is being made out to every user who supported my Final Fantasy VIII charity effort for the GBCER VII. During an episode of the FFX podcast hosted by @thatpinguino, I drank a shot of Vienna Sausage juice. I did this because an anonymous donor shelled out $100 during the closing moments of my stream. As many of you may recall, I promised to drink sausage juice if anyone donated $100 or more to my page. I thought I was "out of the woods" after accomplishing this act of gastrointestinal fortitude. Then I realized something DIRE....

I FORGOT @clagnaughtDONATED $115! I know many of you will argue this occurred BEFORE I made my sausage juice promise, but I am a man of my word. I will now drink my SECOND shot of Vienna Sausage Juice for your entertainment. However, this time it will be as a picture by picture journey. It's almost as if I have done this before....

I would like to use this time to clarify that none of you should ever do this. I am a trained professional in making poor life choices, and even I regret doing this a second time. HELL, I regretted this the first time! DO NOT DO THIS! IT IS A VERY BAD THING TO DO TO YOUR BODY!

It is at this point I should inform my audience how my stomach made loud and painful movements. I think I have given myself cancer due to this tomfoolery. It took around two hours of laying down and a few hits of Imodium to get in a semi-coherent state.

Why did I click on this?

Oh..Oh..my goodness. I mean kudos for being a man of your word but dude...geez. I salute ya duder for not backing down. Thats...whew boy. Man yeah that's rough to even think about.

@zombiepie said:

Then I realized something DIRE....

I FORGOT @clagnaughtDONATED $115! I know many of you will argue this occurred BEFORE I made my sausage juice promise, but I am a man of my word. I will now drink my SECOND shot of Vienna Sausage Juice for your entertainment. However, this time it will be as a picture by picture journey.

What the fuck?! I didn't ask for this! I didn't want you to do this! Why?! This was always a bad idea!

Minor point that the game completely buries somewhere relatively early on(I don't remember where): The Calm is not 10 years long; its been 10 years since Braska defeated Sin and Sin is back already. Calm's are not set period of time, and in fact they've been getting shorter. There's only been 5 Calms ever; the first two lasted hundreds of years, the third was less than 80 years (entirely unknown how much less), the fourth was an unknown length, and the fifth (Braska's) only lasted a few months.

The implication being that Sin is getting better at regenerating itself, and that Yuna's Calm (if things went as planned) would be shorter still, or maybe even non-existent. The spiral of Spira is getting closer to the drain. Unfortunately, the game never really does anything with that information, sticking it in dialog with random NPCs.

Zeep: "I want to do a stupid thing!"

All of humanity - "Don't do a stupid thing."

Zeep: "Hey, is there seconds on this botulism juice?"

Also, your note on Tidus swimming out after Sin being the most normal thing he's done all game gave me pause, because you're kind of right. Huh.

@zombiepie: I hope I'm not getting too monotonous with this, and giving spoiler-free advice is really really difficult, but where are you in the story right now? Because:

There's a brief window of time between -A) a CG cutscene about swimming in a pond at night, and B) being in a desert- where you should go back to Besaid and pick up a couple things. I can be more specific if you want. It makes a later side-quest much easier.

I like reading these but certain things could use a little more explanation. Like why are the self-destruct enemies bad? It's been too long since I've played this game to remember such things :)

Do spoil please.

@ethanielrain: If I remember them right, each time you hit them they get one step closer to blowing up. They also barely take any damage except against the element they're weak to, so Lulu is a requirement to kill them at this point. If they do explode they do massive damage to everyone. That's they way they usually work in the old turn based FF games at least. I had played so many FF games back then that they're kind of all a blur and those guys are just par for the experience.

As an antagonist, I think Sin is great. This is a point I hope to discuss at some point, but Sin is the most distinctly Japanese villain I have seen thus far. It is a lumbering natural disaster which comes out of nowhere and has a series of islands is a perpetual state of anxiety. Sin usually destroys cities using a massive wave of water, and I don't think it is that large of a leap of logic to assume this was designed to speak to a Japanese audience. The design is largely irrelevant as its actions, and the consequences of those actions, are more important.

As a metaphor, Sin is LAZY! I still need some convincing before I thoroughly jump into the pro-Jecht camp. As it stands, having a giant whale represent the beast of alcoholism is the least subtle metaphor I have seen in a good long time. Maybe the panacea was re-naming it something different, or maybe the solution was to change the design to be less like a whale. Either way, the game clearly is building up to a "belly of the whale" moment, and I am going to hazard a guess we enter Sin's stomach at some point.

No joke, my stomach was turning over after I had done what I had done. I accidentally left one of the Vienna Sausages overnight on my cutting board, and I just want to say what it transformed into is horrifying. Imagine a human finger left out in the sun for a month. The Vienna Sausage bit I had was worst than that.

I also decided to pop a Nintendo Switch cartridge in my mouth... because I needed to know. I can indeed confirm the bittering agent on those cartridges is still a threat, and the burning sensation on my tongue lasted more than five minutes even after drinking a glass of water.

Your solution highlights a fundamental issue I have with Final Fantasy X. This game does not make itself open as soon as it should. I'm still plugging along on the straight and narrow path the game has set out for me and I desperately would like to revisit some of the locations we previously explored. It doesn't help that there aren't that many side quests. Normally each location has at least one optional quest which allows you to explore the environment a bit more. Final Fantasy X doesn't do this. Instead, the only real side quests you are made aware of are Blitzball and collecting the special items for your party members. Both of which are a bag of wet farts.

You mentioned not liking the desert location in Nier Automata... that should serve as a perfect segue to one of my least favorite locations in Final Fantasy X. The desert level on Bikanel Islandis so fucking boring. Holy crap, everything you have to slog through before the story pops-off is just a chore.

I just realized you donated before I developed that incentive, and noticed you indicated you didn't want me to do this back on the original post. Well then... I guess I drank sausage juice for the Hell of it. This is what my life has come to. Playing Final Fantasy games, and regretting my life choices.

Good work on the "Best of Giant Bomb's Endurance Run: Deadly Premonition" those are always fun to watch. It is as if you are using your time on this planet to bring joy to the people around you without irreparably harming your health and sanity by eating garbage. Also, I just remembered that game has like three boss battles back to back to back. That's not a nice thing to do.

This is decidedly cool if it is real. I question why this isn't an even larger focal point than other elements of Yevon. The game's priorities regarding its story are so whacked out I can only imagine part of it was created in a committee. This information is buried in an NPC interaction, but Seymour is provided hours to subject you to shitty affectations which add nothing to the story. Eons are spent establishing the philosophy of Yevon, but just a scant few minutes are spent articulating how he grabbed ahold of the people. Tidus has multiple flashbacks on the abuse of his father, but Jecht's activities in Spira are hidden in collectibles strewn across the continent. Where are this game's priorities?

Can we talk about how messed up the last of those is? You have a character, who is critical to the story, and knowing more about their life experiences is tucked away in the form of obscure collectibles. Why would you ever do this? AN ENTIRE PLOT POINT CRITICAL TO THE STORY IS COMPLETELY MISSABLE IF YOU DO NOT COLLECT BLUE ORBS IN THE ENVIRONMENT!

The can was new Sparky! I didn't eat sausages from the same can I used during the GBCER. That's beyond the pale even for me. I know my food preferences aren't the best, but I don't go out of my way to eat poison.

Anyway, Tidus does not get enough credit for what he does in the game. For every laughing scene, there's a moment in the game where his words are resonant or his actions make sense contextually. While many could argue Squall is a specific type of teenager which exists in our modern societies, I feel the same way about Tidus. We all know of a social butterfly which seeks social interactions whenever presented the opportunity. When there's a problem he's going to jump right into the middle of it and worry about the consequences later. Sometimes these types of people get on our nerves —possibly more than we want to admit— but there's earnestness to their actions.

I think we all need at least one Tidus in our lives. I know that sounds crazy, but trust me.

@zombiepie: Oh thank God. I thought you'd try to preserve teh juice somehow and drink it later. Although... you know, modern science could probably figure out a lot about disease control if you did. Hm.

@zombiepie: Ew man thats rough! Yeah I tried the switch cartridge too after Jeff did it and brought up the bittering agent...I also agree, they are still a threat. Though the real question here is which was worse? Vienne Sausage juice or switch cartridge bittering agent. Honestly I think I'd go with the latter (granted I've never tried the juice and don't plan to). Cause I mean its nasty but at least it doesn't make you physically sick to your stomach.

@zombiepie: Even better, some of that info is actually contradicted elsewhere apparently (though that might only be in the companion book Square made). Its settled that there are only 5 summoners over the course of 1,000 years who beat Sin prior to Yuna ([name redacted for spoilers], Gandof, Ohalland, Yocun and Braska) and a couple minor NPCs clearly state that Braska's Calm only lasted a few months.

But I was looking up the old online debates and some people think there's evidence elsewhere that all five Calms were only a few months long; rather than them getting progressively shorter. I don't know where that's said though. Also, I tend to think that if there was a grand total of maybe 2 years over the course of 1,000 where Sin wasn't rampaging; everyone would be long dead.

Either way, its a point the game should be much clearer on; and either way it makes Yuna's journey even more tragic. A 10-year peace would be one thing, but having so many summoners and guardians sacrificing themselves to try to get at best a few months' respite? Makes it pretty impossible to argue with the Al Behd.

You know what? I don't think I have ever detailed how the production for these blogs works out. The first step is to play any given Final Fantasy game in chunks. Every month or five weeks I play about six to ten hours of the game. As I play, the second step is taking screen captures. Generally speaking, I take around 200-500 screen captures for every session. This means the number of images I end up using for the purposes of this blog series runs around 5% of the screens I take. The third step is creating the first draft of the blog. This includes outlining the chapters in any given blog entry. Occasionally I use guides to assist in how to structure my blogs. The final step is editing, and this is the most painful step. Checking for grammar, spelling, syntax, and flow in 5,000+ word blog is no easy task, hence why the mechanics of these blogs are always something I feel self-conscious about.

On average, each blog takes around two weeks to produce. Inserting the images and captioning them takes a solid evening alone.

Moving on to your actual question. I swam in the pond when we visited Macalania the second time. I just entered the Calm Lands.

The Calm Land is the worst level in the game. I feel "safe" in saying that.

1. The self-destructing enemies are a bad time because their animation takes forever. Whenever you hit them they get a little bit bigger, upon the third hit, if you have not dealt enough damage to the enemy they explode. It's just a few seconds for each transformation, but these seconds add up when EVERY ENCOUNTER includes at least one of these enemies in two of the levels. Literal minutes are wasted waiting for them to cease getting larger. What is especially disagreeable about these enemies is how they are introduced early in the game, well before your party is effective powered up. That, and their attack is devastating if you are not prepared for it. Getting a game over because you miscalculated am exploding bomb is weak sauce.
2. I suspect dhutch's comment is suggesting either 1) the optional content found in the Calm Lands, or 2) when the game finally decides to open up. If it is the first point I'm going to warn all of you I have no interest in getting all the Aeons. I saw what you have to do to get the Magnus Sisters. That is a waste of my time if I have ever seen it. If it is point two, I have yet to reach the point where you can go back to previously visited locations. I actively dislike how long this game waits before it becomes an "open world."

Can we talk about how annoying Lulu's in-combat necessity is? She's one of the worst playing characters in the game. The only reason why you swap her into combat is that there are battles which necessitate her use. This game features a turn-based system which values speed, and Lulu is just too slow for her own good. To add insult to injury, her damage output drops off significantly and does not keep up with the characters you have access to. Plus, her Overdrive is GARBAGE! While it does allow for multiple hits each magic spell hit, each spell cast does far less damage than a regular spell. Overdrives should be about leveling everything in front of you. Lulu is one of the few characters who has a weakness programmed into her Overdrive, and it's just bizarre. Casting multiple spells should be empowering and freeing, but in Lulu's case, it just isn't.

I'm a monster, but I'm not THAT big of a monster! Give me some credit man! I try to make informed decisions about my life. The problem is the "wrong" decision is more fun. And I think I would rather have fun, than be right.

Oddly enough I see a part of myself in Tidus. When I was younger I was easily excitable and was more than a bit impeteous. I guess that's why I do not mind his wacky characterization as much as I do Squall's. I hated Squall when I was younger, and Squall hated me.

The Vienna Sausages are a highly compressed tube form of canned corned beef. When you eat them you are immediately able to figure out they are from the brisket cut of a cow. But whereas corned beef is good, Vienna Sausages are all the delicious flavoring of corned beef sucked away. Imagine if you left a decent brisket in brining liquid for a month. That is what a Vienna Sausage tastes like.

The bittering agent on the Switch cartridge is something else. It tasted like I bit an Aloe Vera plant that had an electrical current. If you place the metal contacts on your tongue they sting the crap out of your tongue. The horrible taste and pain last for over five minutes. Look I get what I did was a bad thing, but this bittering agent lasts TOO LONG. I get the point is to discourage kids from putting these suped-up SD cards in their mouths, but a quick sting or bad taste would suffice. A five minute bad taste conditions a young child to never want to play their Nintendo Switch for as long as they live.

The Switch cartridge is without a doubt worse.

@fezrock@shindig@wchigo@lawgamer@onemanarmyy@dudeglove@zirilius@tobbrobb

@hassun@naoiko@mezza@ethanielrain@dhutch@crommi@silver-streak@jeffrud@dystopiax

@geraltitude@encephalon@mento@brendan

I have not exactly been responding to my input as well as I normally do. As is par for the course, real-life trumps all. Anyway, this game gets hard and complicated in ways I was not prepared for. Gino's off for a bit so I'll try to solicit help from some of my more dedicated commenters because I'm honestly running around in circles.

1. What the Hell does Luck do? I have Luck Spheres, but have no idea who benefits from using these, or how they impact the game.
2. What am I supposed to do with the Teleport Spheres? No really, what are these things?
3. How do I get more Level 3 and 4 Spheres? Are these just given to the player as they progress the story, or is there an enemy I can grind to get more?
4. Is there a strategy to using the yellow spheres? What magic or abilities are worth sharing between characters?
5. Gino said to "get Copycat and Bribe immediately!" What is he talking about?
6. Can you think of any GOTTA GET abilities on the Sphere Grid for the late game?
7. Can I not give a shit about the item customization system? It seems like an aimless time sinks and there are more viable alternatives to having better equipment. It's not like there are spells and items which provide everything you could possibly want in the game.
8. Yo dawgs, "Mix" seems mad broken! Am I a bad person in using it to cheese bosses I am having a hard time with?
9. Speaking of which, do you know of any good combinations I should be aware of?

@zombiepie: 1. Luck affects hit/evasion and crit chance I believe.

2. Teleport Spheres allow you to warp one character's position in the sphere grid to any position previously activated by an ally, so that you can get them to better/different stats/skills more quickly.

4. Not an expert but I would say logically just use them to get the spells/skills you find most valuable that are nowhere close to your current party member's (assuming you don't want whole sections of that area, in which case see number 2)

5. Copycat copies the last spell used, so it's really good for DPSing cause you can cast 2 powerful spells back to back. Bribe gets you items if you need them.

6. Some of the better magic becomes useful imo but I went in blind and kinda upgraded what I wanted to and was able to beat the game ok, so you probably don't need to. I think the ones that ended up being most useful were the healing magic (ofc) and hastega, because in late-game a lot of enemies speed themselves up/do a ton of damage and you want to be able to act as many times as possible.

7. Yes, I basically did/did minimal fiddling with it.

8. Really a question you'll have to answer yourself imo. I didn't use it too much so I could be missing out on something huge (definitely not an expert in the game by any means). I guess if you feel like it makes the game too easy and it becomes boring you could limit your use, but personally I've never been one to care what people do in single player games.

@zombiepie: It's been a long time, so I actually had to look some of this shit up, lol.

1) "Luck determines the chance of hitting, the chance of evading a physical attack, and the chance of landing a critical hit." Another source I looked at said that it also reduces the chance of receiving a critical hit from an enemy, which seems plausible.

2) see above post

3) Level 3 Key Spheres are dropped by Defender Z (Zanarkand Ruins), Behemoth King (Inside Sin), Demonolith (Inside Sin), Machea (Omega Ruins). You can also Bribe Demonolith (Inside Sin, 900,000 gil for 40). They can be found in a chest in the Zanarkand Ruins Dome: Interior, and in a chest in Inside Sin: Sea of Sorrow. It's also the first prize in the Chocobo Minigame, and you have a chance at getting them in a chest in Omega Ruins.

Level 4 Key Spheres are dropped by Spectral Keeper (Zanarkand Ruins, Land Worm (Inside Sin). You can also Bribe Chimera Brain (Calm Lands, 196,000 gil for 2). They can be found in a chest in Gagazet: Mountain Trail, and a chest in Inside Sin: City of Dying Dreams. You also have a chance at getting them in Omega Ruins in the random chests. The answers could possibly be a bit spoilery, hence why I've hidden them a bit. As I'm not exactly sure where you are in the game I can't say for certain, but I'd hazard a guess that you might not be at a point where you can easily grind them out yet.

7) Unless you care about min-max'ing, you can probably ignore it and be fine. I never really did much item customization in my original play through and only tried it once or twice just to see what it actually did. If there's some perk that you really like on a piece of armour but find another one with a good perk and an empty slot, by all means go for it. Otherwise, not a must.

8) Nah, it's a gameplay mechanic. It's like asking if you're a bad person for exploiting FFVIII's level and junction system. I personally never used it as I'm an item hoarder in RPGs, but that's a sickness that I'll have to live with... for the rest of eternity...

@zombiepie: Most of the questions have been answered already, but I'll just toss in a few ideas on how to use the weirder spheres. I like giving healing magic to fast characters like Tidus or Wakka so they can be secondary healers, giving it to Lulu because she has higher magic feels kinda bad because she gets less turns than everyone else. Yuna also straight up has higher magic than Lulu if I remember correctly, so giving her damaging spells works out pretty good.

After more or less maxing out Aurons tree, I like teleporting or somehow making his way over to Wakka/Tidus areas to give him a ton more speed/evasion/accuracy because those stats are horrendously bad on him. Same goes vice versa where the fast characters benefit a lot from his HP/Str stacking tree. You can do a lot of goofy stuff with this system if you wanna. I once bullshitted my way through the expert tree with early spheres to make Auron a wizard asap. He was quite shitty but tried his very best!

@zombiepie: The posters above basically already covered everything; I've just a couple cents to add:

The biggest must have is getting some top-level DPS spells (Holy and Flare) for Yuna; but only after she's gone through her regular path and picked up all those Magic+ spheres. You're also gonna want to keep Tidus on his path long enough to get Haste (I think there's also a Hasteaga to get). Beyond that, up to you. Keep Wakka leveled because he's the only ranged physical damager, and that'll be useful in some later fights; let Kimhari level up a bit also. He has a solo boss fight that does scale somewhat, but you need to level him at least a little bit.

The thing about Mix is that its absolutely vital to beating the large number of optional bosses in the game; all of whom are far, far more powerful than the final boss. So its scaled to them, rather than the main story path. Nothing in the main path requires mixes like Trio of 9999, Hyper Mighty G, Ultra NulAll, or things like that. Maybe its cheesy to use them then, but the game provides the option, so you might as well if anything is giving you difficulty.

@zombiepie: I only ever found Teleport Spheres to be useful when I was in one of my more crazy phases and was maxing out characters and doing every bit of content in the game. They let you teleport one character to any other characters location on the sphere grid, so you can use it for some quick customization. I think I may have used some to give Yuna the really heavy dark magic at the end of Lulu's path for example. You can beat the storyline without ever touching them though. You can do the same with the yellow spheres if you don't want to jump ship and abandon a character's entire section of the grid. I'd save them for the end of the game because using them on earlier versions of spells or white magic will just get outclassed eventually.

Pretty sure you can ignore the item customization. I always used it, but at the time I found it interesting. You should be able to find or buy gear that you can beat the game with, and if you go after ultimate weapons then you'll definitely be okay without creating your own. I mainly just used it to make powerful weapons for characters that I didn't want to bother getting their ultimate weapons (looking at Lulu and that lightning dodging...). You can do some really game breaking things eventually. If I remember right I created a doll for Lulu that made all spells cost 1 mp, or maybe that was on Yuna's ultimate. Either way, you can safely ignore it I'd bet.

Oh and for much needed spells, definitely get the spell with Tidus that hastes everyone. Tidus eventually became a bit of a buff bot for me when he wasn't free to hit stuff, and haste becomes incredibly useful in some later fights. And yeah, the games reliance on Lulu for magic damage kind of sucks. There isn't much else available especially early on. I think you should get some weapons and skills with stronger elemental affinity eventually, but its still not much compared to Lulu's ability to pick and choose an element on the fly throughout the entire game. My usual plan was actually to grind her in the area right before the crusaders attack Sin on the beach until she got the -a spells like Fira. That usually put her on the path to being able to get her spells fast enough to make up for her weaknesses, but I wouldn't recommend that for someone just wanting to enjoy their playthrough.

I thought you were investing in Mix specifically to exploit its power?

Remember to use "scan". Just kidding! Well, maybe.

I think I knew nothing about this game when I first played it and still mostly had good fun. To me this means don't worry about item customization, though I remember it being fun the 2nd time I played the game. Perhaps more a feature for those who feel like meandering though.. I will say a few bosses were really hard for me, namely 1 that you encounter in what I'll vaguely describe as a "cave". You said you were running in circles? Well lucky for you the encounter rate is pretty good in this game, just keep your head down and move forward through that sphere grid. If bosses get tricky remember to jump in to the fight "ready to go" if you know what I'm saying (overdriven).

But I do have a "secret tip" of sorts. Imo, turn order is an easy key to success in this game. Spam and abuse spells that affect turn order (hastaga, slowaga, sleapaga, stopaga, etcaga). This is easier than actually optimizing damage as you just buy yourself infinite ability to correct. The developers revealed turn-order in this game, and it's one of the most gameplay changing aspects of its entire design. Being able to see when and who goes next was mind melting to me at first. Wasn't there some way to see which attack was coming up next too? Maybe not, been a while.

I think most of the questions have been answered by others above really. More importantly are you going to do the lightning dodging streamed for an audience?

@zombiepie: In the version you're playing, some secret bosses show up and block off some items. I warned you too late, so you'll have to kill one (the easiest one) to get a Jecht Sphere in Besaid. You would have had to WALK all the way back to avoid it though, so it's just as well.

There is one more bit- if you want to get Tidus' ultimate weapon, you're going to want to grab the Sun Crest from a chest at the very end of Zanarkand before you leave there. This will be immediately after a story boss. I'm super serious about this one- as soon as you beat the story boss at the end of Zanarkand, google "ffx sun crest" to make sure you get it (it gets much harder to acquire afterwards).

The design team included an enemy that self explodes because he's a staple of Final Fantasy. Similar to Marlboro's , Tonberry's and Cactuars. And i always felt it was a nifty little enemy that makes you think about how many hits you can afford on him. Can i have everyone wacking away on him to kill him off? Do i need to only let my strongest dude hit him? Do i need to waste MP on ice spells to kill him? The grow animation takes a bit too long indeed, but at least it's not like FF8 where these guys are shoved in your face while you're doing a timed segment to beat Ifrit.

When it comes to the sphere grid, it's not an exact science. I always followed everyone's main path and then just looked at which stats / spells i would like more of, and sent people to those places. The game isn't hard enough to make it matter too much imo. I just remember Hastega and quick attacks / armor break being pretty important. Messing up the turn-queue is how i beat the game.

@zombiepie I apparently work too late to be able to provide a useful response, however everything above is spot on (as far as I remember) and will cover what you're looking for.

Oh my god "Do the Al Bhed vape?" is the T-shirt I never knew I needed...