Review a game in 5 words.

Batman: Arkham City:  Holy Shit! A Fucking Shark!
 
Saints Row The Third:  Proof  Video Games Are Art. 
 
Dead Island: Great Zombie Bashing. Lousy Story.
 
Super Mario Land 3D: Justified My Purchase Of 3DS

Saints Row the Third

Giant Purple Fake Dick Bat.

OR

It's like helicopters fucking jets.

Fable 2

What game did you play?

(The you in this scenario is everyone who said Fable 2 was a good game)

or...

Kill skeletons, follow trail, win.

Saints Row 2

Volition did a half measure.

Saints Row 3

Volition did a full measure.

Family Feud 2012

Dec is not an answer.

Civilization V

10 hours? One more turn!

Skyrim

What is that shiny thing?

Mass Effect

Shepard. Wrex. Shepard. Wrex. Shepard.

Halo Anniversary

Man, that gun sounds powerful.

Saints Row: The Third

Pimps, Hos and Dildo bats

Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3

Foot Dive! Foot Dive! Unacceptable!

Professor Layton and the Last Specter

Word problems and bittersweet endings

Assassin's Creed Brotherhood

Works great until it doesn't

Assassin's Creed Revalations

Tower Defense? I want stabbing!

Any Assassin's Creed

Neck stabbing. UH UH UH.

@Sweep: saints row 3: my god, that just happened!

Resident Evil 4 & 5

There's too many damn zombies!

There's not enough damn zombies!

Saints Row: The Third

Hey playa, STAP IT ON.

Mafia 2

Nolan North talks to himself.

Yakuza 4

Japanese ass game, is fun.

Noby Noby Boy

The fuck is thisshit?

Enviro-Bear 2000: Operation: Hibernation

I.. ugh.. um.. don't even

Saints Row: The Third

"You should play Saints Row."

Killer7 - Should not be this fun / what did I just see?

Skyrim - A hundred and forty hours

All GTAs - novel a long time ago

Modern Warfare 1-3: Fucking constantly surviving helicopter crashes

Yakuza 4

Why am I singing karaoke?

Saints Row: The Third

I'm a toilet, shooting furries.

Dungeons of Dredmor

I'm actually playing a roguelike?

• Battlefield 3: Crashing Helicopters Left and Right

• Call of Juarez: The Cartel: Is This Still Wild West?

• Skyrim: Loot Everybody Get Over Encumbered

DUNGEON DEFENDERS:

THERE IS SO MUCH LOOT!

Star Wars: The Old Republic

WoW in space with Twi'leks.

EVE Online- Space economics hurt my brain.

Command and Conquer: Tiberian Sun

Total waste of my money.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Fuck yeah it's a dragon!

Professor Layton

I think I've got it!

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

''Hey, my favorite drinking buddy!''

Rainbow Six Vegas 2: Greatest game ever, I guess.

SKYRIM: "...an arrow in the knee."

SUPER MARIO 2: Spoiler alert...it's a dream.

Sonic Generations

Same ol' problems, different skins.

Skyrim

Sun's up. In real life.

Earthbound

Cthulhu mythos via whimsical cuteness.

Battlefield 3

"Be advised, you've been advised." [OVER]

Dragon Age 2

You should buy it's predecessor.

Killzone 3

Rico, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

The Witcher 2: Touch magical wolf medallion, chuckle.

Madden 2012

"Have not played since August."

even better:

"I want my $60 back."

Killer 7:
 
The fuck is going on?

Killzone 3

Rico, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Killzone 2 

Dark Messiah of Might and Magic

Stab dudes in the face.

Assassin's Creed 2

Stab dudes in the face.

Assassin's Creed Brotherhood

Stab dudes in the face.

Assassin's Creed Revelations

Stab dudes in the face.

The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Buther Bay

Stab dudes in the neck.

I wanna be the guy

Die until you rage quit

Saints Row the third

Less gangsta more fever dream

Chromehounds

Crippled without its multiplayer server

Binding of Issac

Wait, its about what!? Eww.

Need for Speed the Run

Completed before leaving the store

Star Wars The Old Republic

Cat teeth, really? CAT TEETH?

Saints Row: The Third

"Sublime." No more words needed.

Dwarf Fortress

Incredibly awesome, but utterly confusing.

Final Fantasy I Anniversary Edition (PSP)

New looks, same ol' shit.

Half-Minute Hero (PSP)

Grinding done right, at last.

Steam

Dude, where's all my money?

• Assassin's Creed Revelations: Not as good as Brotherhood.

Skyrim

Still waiting for the patch

Max Payne

Do you like diving sideways?

Max Payne 2

I do like diving sideways.

Halo Anniversary

Easily forgiven terrible corridor parts.

FF13

Run down one long hallway

Skyrim

This game is very broken.

Rayman: Origins

Fucking buy this beautiful game!

Gears of War 3

Best game in the series

@EvilKatarn said:

Dark Messiah of Might and Magic

Stab dudes in the face.

Assassin's Creed 2

Stab dudes in the face.

Assassin's Creed Brotherhood

Stab dudes in the face.

Assassin's Creed Revelations

Stab dudes in the face.

The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Buther Bay

Stab dudes in the neck.

Shank Style.

Tetris - Square piece messes everybody up. 
Metroid series - Beat quickly for sexy surprise. 
Dead or Alive series - Beat quickly for sexy surprise. 
Any Capcom first release fighting game - Wait for the superior release. (er, I guess that could apply for DoA as well)