Before you enter this thread, name a character and a kitchen item

Now write a brief paragraph in which you kill, maim, or pleasure that character creatively with your kitchen item.

I walk into a room with Captain Kirk. I throw a sieve at him. The handle gets lodged into his eye, he bleeds out, and he dies of blood loss.

(You try to kill someone with a sieve in a better way!!!! It's nearly impossible to kill someone with a sieve!!!!!)

I come at bob with the spoon aiming for the eyes however as i get closer bob rugby tackles me sending both me and bob slamming into the floor. As we squirm round on the floor i manage to stick the handle side of the spoon into his ear destroying his eardrum and temporilary stunning him giving me enough time to spoon his eye and plunge the spoon into his eye socket that manages to reach his brain killing him instantly.

Charlie Tonaku (I'm not going to look up the spelling) is taking a peaceful bath until I drop the toaster into the water with him. It's not plugged in but he does ejaculate from the sudden fear of death.

I saw Douglas sitting on the end of the bed, possibly contemplating why I told him to wait there for me. I open the door slowly and

I probably shouldn't. My character was Sheva from RE5, and the object was a spoon >__>

"Character: Hausdog

Kitchen item: dildo,butcher knife

I take the dildo ram it up his anus tearing it up completely, i heard he likes this sort of kinky thing. Next I let the blood ooze out his anus for a bit. then i take the bloody doodoey dildo and force hausdog to lick it up he likes this kind of pleasuree. For my next trick i get a butcher knife and cut off his balls and force feed it to him. I wait about an hour and then make him shit it out his bloody anal rectum like broken paintballs. THen i force him to lick the mess up before i put the butcher knife to his cranium

"

so i enter a kitchen with chuck norris. 

I (the writer of this post) see the Video Game King and a cutting board. I ask him if he wants pizza, and he says "Fine, where do you wanna get it from?" I suggest a local place, but he suggests Pizza Hut. We argue until both places close, and he gets pissed, saying "Damnit, now neither of us get pizza! You happy now?" Then the Queen, quite obviously pissed (but in a calm way), walks in, picks up the cutting board, and beats us both over the head with it until we pass out in a pool of our own blood.

I see Dr Black get completely murdered in the kitchen, with a candlestick. By Colonel Mustard.

Enough said.

I walk into the kitchen and see Spongebob flipping patties.  Then I say "Can I have a Krabby Patty" and Spongebob says "Sure, here you go."  I eat the Krabby Patty and felt a sensation that I have never felt before.  Yum..... Krabby Patties.......

Angelina Jolie and a rolling pin.

That would be an afternoon spend good.

I use a whisk to stir up Marge Simpson's eggs.

Mario slipped on the wet floor, to break his fall, he hit the ground with a traditional butt stomp, as he did so he immediately shrieked out with a gut wrenching scream. Mario had probed his anus with the wooden handle on the plunger. This time, without any Koopa Jelly.

"Linkyshinks said:

"Mario slipped on the wet floor, to break his fall, he hit the ground with a traditional butt stomp, as he did so he immediately shrieked out with a gut wrenching scream. Mario had probed his anus with the wooden handle on the plunger. This time, without any Koopa Jelly."

You keep a plunger in your kitchen?"

Barney the Dinosaur gets rubbed to death with a sponge.

Dante was in my kitchen so I gave him a spoon and we had some ice cream. He gave me an S ranking for my choice of food.

I entered the kitchen and spied Mitsuri Kujiro holding her melons.  I said, "Nice melons, senpai." I then whipped out my melon baller and asked if she wanted her melons...balled.  She then shot me in the head and the whole thing repeated for 70+ hours.

MArcus fenix walked in so i grabbed the whisk and tickled him with it until he died of not-being-grey-and-badass-for-more-than-5-seconds syndrome

Well I can't kill Sonic with a spoon. Damn!

"Well I can't kill Sonic with a spoon. Damn!"

"Linkyshinks said:

"Mario slipped on the wet floor, to break his fall, he hit the ground with a traditional butt stomp, as he did so he immediately shrieked out with a gut wrenching scream. Mario had probed his anus with the wooden handle on the plunger. This time, without any Koopa Jelly."

You keep a plunger in your kitchen?"

I walk into a room with Vyse and a table.

Goddamn it! How am I supposed to kill Riddick with a steak knife?

"Goddamn it! How am I supposed to kill Riddick with a steak knife?"

"Now write a brief paragraph in which you kill, maim, or pleasure that character creatively with your kitchen item."

"Goddamn it! How am I supposed to kill Riddick with a steak knife?"

I enter a kitchen with Henry Hatsworth and a cup of tea