If Santa Claus is real, He's probably dead.

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TheLawnWrangler

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Edited By TheLawnWrangler

Just a funny... analysis from [ http://www.engr.mun.ca/~whitt/humor/santa.html]. 
Saw it last year on scorehero and decided to bring it to the fine community here. It's a good laugh and fun read. Enjoy!  
 
 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop our of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh an move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75« million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 time the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, the conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload -not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas!

 also video! 
  
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TheLawnWrangler

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#1  Edited By TheLawnWrangler

Just a funny... analysis from [ http://www.engr.mun.ca/~whitt/humor/santa.html]. 
Saw it last year on scorehero and decided to bring it to the fine community here. It's a good laugh and fun read. Enjoy!  
 
 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop our of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh an move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75« million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 time the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, the conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload -not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas!

 also video! 
  
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clubsandwich

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#2  Edited By clubsandwich

No Caption Provided
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Red

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#3  Edited By Red

Yeah, my dad showed me this article a year (or two) ago and we got a good laugh out of it.

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TheLawnWrangler

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#4  Edited By TheLawnWrangler

@Red: Yeah, funny stuff XD 
 
@clubsandwich: Ohhhhh you've made my night hahaha

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DanielJW

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#5  Edited By DanielJW

Science ruins everything.

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TheLawnWrangler

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#6  Edited By TheLawnWrangler
@DanielJW: hah I know, right? It's just funny when everything is put into extreme context XD
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Capum15

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#7  Edited By Capum15

Oh man, that was great.

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Ping5000

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#8  Edited By Ping5000

Shut the fuck up. There's no way I got the most perfect belt last Christmas unless Santa was behind it.

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TheLawnWrangler

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#9  Edited By TheLawnWrangler
@Capum15:   yes it definitely is :P just thought I'd bring some xmas cheer into everyone's lives
@Ping5000:
 Maybe he got to drop in on your house before he was crushed into a mass thinner than a common houshold door.
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Ping5000

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#10  Edited By Ping5000
@nofx4208: SHUT UP SHUT UP THE BELT RULED AND I WILL GET AN EVEN BETTER BELT THIS CHRISTMAS BECAUSE SANTA WILL BRING ME THAT BETTER BELT
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xionpunk

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#11  Edited By xionpunk

Santa .. NooOoOoOo....

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Xeiphyer

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#12  Edited By Xeiphyer

You forgot one thing....
 
MAGIC. Fuck you.

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TheLawnWrangler

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#13  Edited By TheLawnWrangler
@Xeiphyer: yeah Magic is the reason I want to believe, and wanted to when I was a kid. This is just a funny read :P
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Xeiphyer

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#14  Edited By Xeiphyer
@nofx4208: I agree =P I was just jokin. I love when science is applied to things like this. Reminds me of that one university essay responce where the dude has to describe whether hell is hot or cold, expanding or contracting. =P super funny.. I'm sure someone will find a link haha.
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foggel

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#15  Edited By foggel

Obviously Santa is a group of people.

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TheLawnWrangler

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#16  Edited By TheLawnWrangler
@Xeiphyer: I know! they're just... idk well done in a sense and therefore funny because it is so rediclous. There is one implying that Ash from Pokemon is homosexual, in a coma, and will never be the pokemon master was set out to be. It was kind more along the lines of existentialism and psychology, but still, very good... kind of depressing, actually o.O 
 
@foggel: In a way... you are kind of right. and it does keep my heart warm thinking about the notion of santa and what i used to believe. WHERE THE F*CK DID MY CHILDHOOD GO, DAMMIT!?!?
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ryanwho

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#17  Edited By ryanwho

Tim Allen made a movie about this and it was way shitty.

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TheLawnWrangler

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#18  Edited By TheLawnWrangler
@ryanwho:
http://www.cracked.com/article/96_7-beloved-celebrities-awful-shit-you-forgot-they-did/  
well Tim Allen tried smuggling cocaine into an airport, then snitched every single drug dealer he knew to reduce his sentence. 
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ryanwho

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#19  Edited By ryanwho
@nofx4208 said:
" http://www.cracked.com/article/96_7-beloved-celebrities-awful-shit-you-forgot-they-did/  well Tim Allen tried smuggling cocaine into an airport, then snitched every single drug dealer he knew to reduce his sentence.  "
Tim Allen is just a myth to keep children in check.
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TheLawnWrangler

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#20  Edited By TheLawnWrangler
@ryanwho said:
" @nofx4208 said:
" http://www.cracked.com/article/96_7-beloved-celebrities-awful-shit-you-forgot-they-did/  well Tim Allen tried smuggling cocaine into an airport, then snitched every single drug dealer he knew to reduce his sentence.  "
Tim Allen is just a myth to keep children in check. "
agreed... lets just let him do Toy Story 3, then go... idk buy more cocaine from his re-run money.
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jeffgoldblum

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#21  Edited By jeffgoldblum
@Ping5000 said:
" @nofx4208: SHUT UP SHUT UP THE BELT RULED AND I WILL GET AN EVEN BETTER BELT THIS CHRISTMAS BECAUSE SANTA WILL BRING ME THAT BETTER BELT "
The highlight of your year is a belt?
Wow.
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TheLawnWrangler

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#22  Edited By TheLawnWrangler
@JeffGoldblum said:

" @Ping5000 said:

" @nofx4208: SHUT UP SHUT UP THE BELT RULED AND I WILL GET AN EVEN BETTER BELT THIS CHRISTMAS BECAUSE SANTA WILL BRING ME THAT BETTER BELT "
The highlight of your year is a belt? Wow. "
well maybe its an awesome belt 

http://video.adultswim.com/aqua-teen-hunger-force/the-mooninites-steal-carls-porn.html 

ping do you have the foreigner belt?   
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Video_Game_King

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#23  Edited By Video_Game_King
@Xeiphyer said:
" You forgot one thing....  MAGIC. Fuck you. "
Yes, dark magic. I've explained it all before.
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Arjuna

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#24  Edited By Arjuna

Same for God.

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Gregomasta

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#25  Edited By Gregomasta

LMAO, science, proving santa clause is not real.

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solidejake

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#26  Edited By solidejake

I enjoy this. But don't rule out superpowers!

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Video_Game_King

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#27  Edited By Video_Game_King

Actually, he is dead. I killed him two years ago.

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#28  Edited By MikeGosot
@Video_Game_King said:

Actually, he is dead. I killed him two years ago.

That was actually Jack, man. Well, at least that explains what happened to the sequel for Nightmare Before Xmas. 
 
 
@Xeiphyer
This?
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Video_Game_King

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#29  Edited By Video_Game_King

@MikeGosot:

No, it was Satan Claus. I made sure of that.

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PeasantAbuse

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#30  Edited By PeasantAbuse

@Video_Game_King said:

Actually, he is dead. I killed him two years ago.

Did he accidentally skip visiting the moon again or something?

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ssj4raditz

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#31  Edited By ssj4raditz

NOOOOOOOO! *cries*

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MikeGosot

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#32  Edited By MikeGosot
@Video_Game_King said:

@MikeGosot:

No, it was Satan Claus. I made sure of that.

You killed Satan? That's some serious cosmo balance shit you're dealing with.
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Video_Game_King

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#33  Edited By Video_Game_King

@PeasantAbuse:

No; this happened.

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Video_Game_King

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#34  Edited By Video_Game_King

@MikeGosot:

Santa and Satan are one and the same.

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MikkaQ

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#35  Edited By MikkaQ

It's things like this that warm me up to math after the abuses I was forced to endure during my schoolin' years.

It's a very slow process, at this rate I'll still be hostile to math in well into my 40s.

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deerokus

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#36  Edited By deerokus

Santa uses quantum physics to be in multiple places at once.  The article completely ignores this.

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MikeGosot

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#37  Edited By MikeGosot
@Video_Game_King said:

@MikeGosot:

Santa and Satan are one and the same.

Oh, just like me and Chickenh-- I mean, uhn, still some serious cosmo balance shit you're dealing with.
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delta_ass

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#38  Edited By delta_ass

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -Arthur C. Clarke

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the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG

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Santa is actually the Illuminati

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huntad

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#40  Edited By huntad

@DanielJW said:

Science ruins everything.

Yeah, what a bunch of downers.

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Buscemi

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#41  Edited By Buscemi

You think a little cocaine is going to stop my love for Tim Allen? I love me a pussy who snitches on bitches.

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RobotHamster

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#42  Edited By RobotHamster

Well if Santa is real he's a scumbag, he doesn't give the poor kids anything and the rich kids expensive stuff...

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Owlhead

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#43  Edited By Owlhead

You failed to take into account the fact that Santa is god

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Xeiphyer

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#44  Edited By Xeiphyer

I was just about to comment on how its not factoring in magic, and then realized that I said the same thing 2 years ago. WEIRD.

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Tireyo

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#45  Edited By Tireyo

He ain't dead. He's in your imagination!

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Vonocourt

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#46  Edited By Vonocourt

@Video_Game_King said:

@MikeGosot:

Santa and Satan are one and the same.

@Owlhead said:

You failed to take into account the fact that Santa is god

You do know a anagram for Satan God is....Santa Dog.

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NegativeCero

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#47  Edited By NegativeCero

Glad this got bumped from 2 years ago. This was pretty interesting despite you destroying my childhood imagination with your science and reason.

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rollingzeppelin

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#48  Edited By rollingzeppelin

There's a problem with the analysis. Mass does not create wind resistance, surface area and relative velocity between the air and the object travelling through the air does.

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thatfrood

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#49  Edited By thatfrood

The Santa is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE.