The Day The Earth Stood Still...

jakob187

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#1 Edited By jakob187

...is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO terribad.

I mean, there are terribad remakes all the time...but this takes the muthafuckin' cake. Sure, they had a good number of homages to the original flick. They kept Gort pretty much the same, a bit slicker though. They kept the math problem in there (which I laughed about). They kept a good handful of shit...

...EXCEPT THE FUCKING PHRASE!!! THAT'S RIGHT!!! THEY TOOK OUT "KLAATU BARADA NIKTO"!!!!!!

How the FUCK can you take out a CLASSIC quote from a remake of a CLASSIC movie? Such BULLSHIT!!! I know, I know, makes it sound like I'm basing my entire opinion of the movie around the exclusion of one phrase, right?

No. The movie, in general, is horribly bland. The undertones of the original (the paranoia of nuclear threats, the Cold War, and overall panic of American stature) is COMPLETELY lost in this. Instead, it plays up the idea that the United States is nothing more than a 100% militaristic society...and that just really gets my goat. you people can argue about that all you want, what the fuck ever.

The characters were also just one-note songs:

Keanu Reeves - "i must destroy teh human races and save da earthz"

Jennifer Connelly - "there must be some way u can stop dis"

Jaden Smith - "KILL DAT ALIENZ"

Kathy Bates - "der der derp duh deeeerrrrrrrr"

It was an absolutely rancid script plagued by too much dialogue that was all the same, acting that was as cardboard as a box of Wheaties, and visual effects that any major Hollywood studio should be mostly ashamed of showing.

Please do NOT waste your money on this flick, as both a newcomer to the movie or a fan of the original. Instead, just watch the original and realize that it is the ONLY way this movie should be seen.

15 years ago

tekmojo

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#2 Edited By tekmojo

I'll prolly download it now, thanks for the heads up.

15 years ago

ltcoljaxson

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#3 Edited By ltcoljaxson

What do you expect? It's Keanu Reeves. Even if he shows up in good movies, his acting is always terrible. This movie looked pretty bad, and with Keanu Reeves it makes it worse.

15 years ago

Jayge_

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#4 Edited By Jayge_

That sounds just as terrible as Fall Out Boy's Beat It. They didn't even have the decency to *attempt* the epic solo.

15 years ago

Damonation

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#5 Edited By Damonation

How do they stop Gort without the phrase?

15 years ago

TheGTAvaccine

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#6 Edited By TheGTAvaccine

Uuuuuugh. I JUST decided on going to see this tomorrow with my girlfriend. Bah, I'll still go and check it out.

15 years ago

Bulldog19892

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#7 Edited By Bulldog19892

I thought it looked stupid from the beginning. I didn't know it was a remake, but then again I don't really watch many movies.

15 years ago

jakob187

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#8 Edited By jakob187

TheGTAvaccine said:

"Uuuuuugh. I JUST decided on going to see this tomorrow with my girlfriend. Bah, I'll still go and check it out."

Please, for the love of decency and all that is sacred in cinema, do NOT go see it. Punisher: War Zone was a bad movie, but at least there were head 'splosions!!!

Damonation said:

"How do they stop Gort without the phrase?"

Klaatu touches a sphere...

15 years ago

Arkthemaniac

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#9 Edited By Arkthemaniac

I saw the new one on Wednesday, and it was sooooooo much better than the original. This one was in color. The black and whiteness of the original makes it suck and makes this one God.

15 years ago

jakob187

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#10 Edited By jakob187

Arkthemaniac said:

"I saw the new one on Wednesday, and it was sooooooo much better than the original. This one was in color. The black and whiteness of the original makes it suck and makes this one God."

...you, sir, need more brain cells.

*EDIT* FUNCTIONING brain cells.

15 years ago

Arkthemaniac

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#11 Edited By Arkthemaniac

jakob187 said:

"Arkthemaniac said:
"I saw the new one on Wednesday, and it was sooooooo much better than the original. This one was in color. The black and whiteness of the original makes it suck and makes this one God."
...you, sir, need more brain cells.
*EDIT* FUNCTIONING brain cells.
"

AHA. But I tricked you. I never saw it. You may say, "But, Arkthemaniac, you are a downright liar and a rascal!" But, it wasn't out on Wednesday! Therefore, YOU ARE TEH RASCAL!

15 years ago

Claude

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#12 Edited By Claude

Great review, I'll stay away and I saw the original, but I kind of knew this one would suck. Black and white is not bad... please.

15 years ago

trulyalive

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#13 Edited By trulyalive

<3 Keanu
<3 Jennifer
<3 Alien Destruction

I don't see how this film can fail.

(By the way, I'm an uncultured sunuvabitch and haven't seen the original yet. Expect me back in two weeks, having seen both, hating the new one)

15 years ago

jakob187

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#14 Edited By jakob187

Arkthemaniac said:

"jakob187 said:
"Arkthemaniac said:
"I saw the new one on Wednesday, and it was sooooooo much better than the original. This one was in color. The black and whiteness of the original makes it suck and makes this one God."
...you, sir, need more brain cells.
*EDIT* FUNCTIONING brain cells.
"
AHA. But I tricked you. I never saw it. You may say, "But, Arkthemaniac, you are a downright liar and a rascal!" But, it wasn't out on Wednesday! Therefore, YOU ARE TEH RASCAL!"

Um...you tricked me? As if i didn't read what you said? I simply told you to get more functioning brain cells, meaning that I fully understood what you said and found it stupid. DERP!

Bo17 said:

"<3 Keanu
<3 Jennifer
<3 Alien Destruction

I don't see how this film can fail.

(By the way, I'm an uncultured sunuvabitch and haven't seen the original yet. Expect me back in two weeks, having seen both, hating the new one)"

Keanu finally gets to be the soulless, emotionless hack that he is. Jennifer Connelly deserves better than this. Alien destruction? Last ten minutes of the movie, and even then, it's fucking lame as shit. It's not War of the Worlds kind of destruction, if that's what you are hoping for. The movie is mainly those four characters saying the same shit over and over, while nothing else happens other than people wondering what the hell is invading them.

15 years ago

BiggerBomb

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#15 Edited By BiggerBomb

Arkthemaniac said:

"jakob187 said:
"Arkthemaniac said:
"I saw the new one on Wednesday, and it was sooooooo much better than the original. This one was in color. The black and whiteness of the original makes it suck and makes this one God."
...you, sir, need more brain cells.
*EDIT* FUNCTIONING brain cells.
"
AHA. But I tricked you. I never saw it. You may say, "But, Arkthemaniac, you are a downright liar and a rascal!" But, it wasn't out on Wednesday! Therefore, YOU ARE TEH RASCAL!"

I love Arkthemaniac.

15 years ago

trulyalive

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#16 Edited By trulyalive

jakob187 said:

"Arkthemaniac said:
"jakob187 said:
"Arkthemaniac said:
"I saw the new one on Wednesday, and it was sooooooo much better than the original. This one was in color. The black and whiteness of the original makes it suck and makes this one God."
...you, sir, need more brain cells.
*EDIT* FUNCTIONING brain cells.
"
AHA. But I tricked you. I never saw it. You may say, "But, Arkthemaniac, you are a downright liar and a rascal!" But, it wasn't out on Wednesday! Therefore, YOU ARE TEH RASCAL!"
Um...you tricked me? As if i didn't read what you said? I simply told you to get more functioning brain cells, meaning that I fully understood what you said and found it stupid. DERP!
Bo17 said:
"<3 Keanu
<3 Jennifer
<3 Alien Destruction

I don't see how this film can fail.

(By the way, I'm an uncultured sunuvabitch and haven't seen the original yet. Expect me back in two weeks, having seen both, hating the new one)"
Keanu finally gets to be the soulless, emotionless hack that he is. Jennifer Connelly deserves better than this. Alien destruction? Last ten minutes of the movie, and even then, it's fucking lame as shit. It's not War of the Worlds kind of destruction, if that's what you are hoping for. The movie is mainly those four characters saying the same shit over and over, while nothing else happens other than people wondering what the hell is invading them.
"

In all fairness, you could drag Jennifer Connelly through the mud, and I'd still pay to see it.
Actually, I'd probably pay extra to see that >_<;

15 years ago

jakob187

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#17 Edited By jakob187

Bo17 said:

"In all fairness, you could drag Jennifer Connelly through the mud, and I'd still pay to see it.
Actually, I'd probably pay extra to see that >_<;"

Just get Requiem for a Dream Director's Cut and watch her heroin-addicted ass bounce on a double-ended jelly dildo...or hell, just rent half of her other movies. It's not like she's at a shortage of nude scenes or anything. She is a better actress than to stoop to this level of horseshit.

15 years ago

BiggerBomb

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#18 Edited By BiggerBomb

jakob187 said:

"Bo17 said:
"In all fairness, you could drag Jennifer Connelly through the mud, and I'd still pay to see it.
Actually, I'd probably pay extra to see that >_<;"
Just get Requiem for a Dream Director's Cut and watch her heroin-addicted ass bounce on a double-ended jelly dildo...or hell, just rent half of her other movies. It's not like she's at a shortage of nude scenes or anything. She is a better actress than to stoop to this level of horseshit."

Dude, it's called A Beautiful Mind. Awesome? Yus plz!

15 years ago

jakob187

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#19 Edited By jakob187

BiggerBomb said:

"jakob187 said:
"Bo17 said:
"In all fairness, you could drag Jennifer Connelly through the mud, and I'd still pay to see it.
Actually, I'd probably pay extra to see that >_<;"
Just get Requiem for a Dream Director's Cut and watch her heroin-addicted ass bounce on a double-ended jelly dildo...or hell, just rent half of her other movies. It's not like she's at a shortage of nude scenes or anything. She is a better actress than to stoop to this level of horseshit."

Dude, it's called A Beautiful Mind. Awesome? Yus plz!"

A Beautiful Mind? Personally, I hate that movie with a passion. I just didn't like it at all. I know that's very much a personal thing, though...so to each their own on that one, man.

15 years ago

BiggerBomb

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#20 Edited By BiggerBomb

jakob187 said:

"BiggerBomb said:
"jakob187 said:
"Bo17 said:
"In all fairness, you could drag Jennifer Connelly through the mud, and I'd still pay to see it.
Actually, I'd probably pay extra to see that >_<;"
Just get Requiem for a Dream Director's Cut and watch her heroin-addicted ass bounce on a double-ended jelly dildo...or hell, just rent half of her other movies. It's not like she's at a shortage of nude scenes or anything. She is a better actress than to stoop to this level of horseshit."

Dude, it's called A Beautiful Mind. Awesome? Yus plz!"
A Beautiful Mind? Personally, I hate that movie with a passion. I just didn't like it at all. I know that's very much a personal thing, though...so to each their own on that one, man."

:O

I'm going to kill you to death.

15 years ago

jakob187

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#21 Edited By jakob187

I'm gonna kill ya all kinds of dead!!!

15 years ago

pause422

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#22 Edited By pause422

Another remake of a great classic movie is shit on? Wow what a surprise. I never expected it would be good to begin with, and as soon as I realized earlier this year, that Keanu Reeves was in it, I knew it would suck...because hes so fucking terrible.

15 years ago

addictedtopinescent

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#23 Edited By addictedtopinescent

Well, this thread makes me wanna go see it, and appreciate how bad it is, oh and laugh about it.

15 years ago

BoG

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#24 Edited By BoG

It was a terrible movie that got even worse when Reeves based his decision to save the world on two boring, bland, and just plain bad characters in Jaden Smith and Jennifer Connely.

15 years ago

Arkthemaniac

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#25 Edited By Arkthemaniac

jakob187 said:

"I'm gonna kill ya all kinds of dead!!!"

15 years ago

trulyalive

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#26 Edited By trulyalive

jakob187 said:

"Bo17 said:
"In all fairness, you could drag Jennifer Connelly through the mud, and I'd still pay to see it.
Actually, I'd probably pay extra to see that >_<;"
Just get Requiem for a Dream Director's Cut and watch her heroin-addicted ass bounce on a double-ended jelly dildo...or hell, just rent half of her other movies. It's not like she's at a shortage of nude scenes or anything. She is a better actress than to stoop to this level of horseshit."

Requiem For A Dream is the film that introduced me to Conelly. A great intro, and although she hasn't yet topped that performance, she was still great in A Beautiful Mind, Dark City and she even made Labyrinth bearable (well, that's a lie...David Bowie also rocked that movie inside out)

I also should have made myself more clear about my stance on films. I love 'em. Good, bad, whatever. I'll watch it and marvel and the magic of the movies. I consider myself a 'take it all in and remember the greats' kinda guy. I mean, hell, the only two films I'v ever considered walking out of were Hitch and Elizabeth: The Golden Age, and some people think those films are great =/
Whereas I have been content to sit through Max Payne and Wild Hogs, and although the films themselves sucked, I thought they were worth my money for that one shot film.

15 years ago

jakob187

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#27 Edited By jakob187

I just had to quote The Spirit, which I'm thoroughly psyched about. = D

15 years ago

weltal

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#28 Edited By weltal

Really? You're surprised?

Love the original (Or rather the Remastered original or however it's referred to) and I have no interest in seeing it raped.

15 years ago

pause422

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#29 Edited By pause422

Jayge said:

"That sounds just as terrible as Fall Out Boy's Beat It. They didn't even have the decency to *attempt* the epic solo."

Well that isn't surprising. Like the other 3000 pop/"punk" bands of today, they don't actually have real fucking musical talent besides going through a standard chord progression, so of course they wouldn't be able to do the solo.

15 years ago

addictedtopinescent

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#30 Edited By addictedtopinescent

pause422 said:

"Jayge said:
"That sounds just as terrible as Fall Out Boy's Beat It. They didn't even have the decency to *attempt* the epic solo."
Well that isn't surprising. Like the other 3000 pop/"punk" bands of today, they don't actually have real fucking musical talent besides going through a standard chord progression, so of course they wouldn't be able to do the solo."

Standard cord progression is a little too much for these people I think, I say one chord for the whole song, and as a bassist I don't even want to comment on the bass parts.

15 years ago

Gunner

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#31 Edited By Gunner

jakob187 said:

"BiggerBomb said:
"jakob187 said:
"Bo17 said:
"In all fairness, you could drag Jennifer Connelly through the mud, and I'd still pay to see it.
Actually, I'd probably pay extra to see that >_<;"
Just get Requiem for a Dream Director's Cut and watch her heroin-addicted ass bounce on a double-ended jelly dildo...or hell, just rent half of her other movies. It's not like she's at a shortage of nude scenes or anything. She is a better actress than to stoop to this level of horseshit."

Dude, it's called A Beautiful Mind. Awesome? Yus plz!"
A Beautiful Mind? Personally, I hate that movie with a passion. I just didn't like it at all. I know that's very much a personal thing, though...so to each their own on that one, man."

Man.. And i thought you were cool.

15 years ago

Arkthemaniac

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#32 Edited By Arkthemaniac

addictedtopinescent said:

"pause422 said:
"Jayge said:
"That sounds just as terrible as Fall Out Boy's Beat It. They didn't even have the decency to *attempt* the epic solo."
Well that isn't surprising. Like the other 3000 pop/"punk" bands of today, they don't actually have real fucking musical talent besides going through a standard chord progression, so of course they wouldn't be able to do the solo."
Standard cord progression is a little too much for these people I think, I say one chord for the whole song, and as a bassist I don't even want to comment on the bass parts. "

I WILL!

The bassist generally follows the guitar exactly, holding the root of every chord the entire way through. This generally means playing a note 8 times in a row, then switching to one of the standard progressions, such as I-V-vi-IV. That one is used in many songs, most notably "Dammit" by Blink 182 and EVERY OTHER SONG TO SOME OUT IN THE LAST DECADE.

Also, you can't hear the mothafuckas.

15 years ago

jakob187

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#33 Edited By jakob187

pause422 said:

"Jayge said:
"That sounds just as terrible as Fall Out Boy's Beat It. They didn't even have the decency to *attempt* the epic solo."
Well that isn't surprising. Like the other 3000 pop/"punk" bands of today, they don't actually have real fucking musical talent besides going through a standard chord progression, so of course they wouldn't be able to do the solo."

Actually, I've seen the FOB doods shred, and they CAN actually play...but they don't. Being able to play isn't where the money is. = /

Bo17 said:

"jakob187 said:
"Bo17 said:
"In all fairness, you could drag Jennifer Connelly through the mud, and I'd still pay to see it.
Actually, I'd probably pay extra to see that >_<;"
Just get Requiem for a Dream Director's Cut and watch her heroin-addicted ass bounce on a double-ended jelly dildo...or hell, just rent half of her other movies. It's not like she's at a shortage of nude scenes or anything. She is a better actress than to stoop to this level of horseshit."
Requiem For A Dream is the film that introduced me to Conelly. A great intro, and although she hasn't yet topped that performance, she was still great in A Beautiful Mind, Dark City and she even made Labyrinth bearable (well, that's a lie...David Bowie also rocked that movie inside out)

I also should have made myself more clear about my stance on films. I love 'em. Good, bad, whatever. I'll watch it and marvel and the magic of the movies. I consider myself a 'take it all in and remember the greats' kinda guy. I mean, hell, the only two films I'v ever considered walking out of were Hitch and Elizabeth: The Golden Age, and some people think those films are great =/
Whereas I have been content to sit through Max Payne and Wild Hogs, and although the films themselves sucked, I thought they were worth my money for that one shot film."

Might I suggest:

Higher Learning

House of Sand and Fog

Blood Diamond

and

Once Upon A Time in America

Okay, well...she is barely in Once Upon a Time in America, but regardless, that movie is the fucking STANDARD for moviemaking as far as I'm concerned. In-fucking-CREDIBLE movie. Sergio Leone is sorely missed.

I know a bunch of people will say "oh, movie was remade and it sucked? wow, surprise"...but regardless, this was the kind of movie that could've EASILY come out good, even if it DID have Keanu in it. = /

15 years ago

addictedtopinescent

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#34 Edited By addictedtopinescent

Arkthemaniac said:

"addictedtopinescent said:
"pause422 said:
"Jayge said:
"That sounds just as terrible as Fall Out Boy's Beat It. They didn't even have the decency to *attempt* the epic solo."
Well that isn't surprising. Like the other 3000 pop/"punk" bands of today, they don't actually have real fucking musical talent besides going through a standard chord progression, so of course they wouldn't be able to do the solo."
Standard cord progression is a little too much for these people I think, I say one chord for the whole song, and as a bassist I don't even want to comment on the bass parts. "
I WILL!
The bassist generally follows the guitar exactly, holding the root of every chord the entire way through. This generally means playing a note 8 times in a row, then switching to one of the standard progressions, such as I-V-vi-IV. That one is used in many songs, most notably "Dammit" by Blink 182 and EVERY OTHER SONG TO SOME OUT IN THE LAST DECADE.

Also, you can't hear the mothafuckas.
"

Please don't make me fucking cry at the music of today.

Oh fuck it all, I will.

15 years ago

trulyalive

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#35 Edited By trulyalive

jakob187 said:

Might I suggest:
Higher Learning
House of Sand and Fog
Blood Diamond
and
Once Upon A Time in America

Okay, well...she is barely in Once Upon a Time in America, but regardless, that movie is the fucking STANDARD for moviemaking as far as I'm concerned. In-fucking-CREDIBLE movie. Sergio Leone is sorely missed.

I know a bunch of people will say "oh, movie was remade and it sucked? wow, surprise"...but regardless, this was the kind of movie that could've EASILY come out good, even if it DID have Keanu in it. = /"

I've seen Blood Diamond. It was good, but felt a bit heavy handed at times. I still need to check out the rest, although Sergio Leone was nothing short of masterful, even if he had to rip off Yojimbo to prove it to Hollywood.

15 years ago