Quite Possibly The Greatest First-Person Shooter I've Ever Played

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Posted by Jeff (3631 posts) -
When the newspaper wasn't enough, the website was there. When the text on the site got stale, there was always video. And now The Onion has uncovered the next layer for its totally sweet fake news jokes by making its own deliberately shitty Flash game, Close Range. The game demo serves as a follow-up to a video piece about the game, which is solely focused on shooting people in the face. Here is said report:

  


Good stuff. But it gets better when you realize that the URL mentioned in the piece, closerangegame.com, is active. It distills the first-person shooter experience down to its bare essentials by focusing on headshots and a unique, compelling story that rivals the heavyweights of the genre.
#1 Posted by Jeff (3631 posts) -
When the newspaper wasn't enough, the website was there. When the text on the site got stale, there was always video. And now The Onion has uncovered the next layer for its totally sweet fake news jokes by making its own deliberately shitty Flash game, Close Range. The game demo serves as a follow-up to a video piece about the game, which is solely focused on shooting people in the face. Here is said report:

  


Good stuff. But it gets better when you realize that the URL mentioned in the piece, closerangegame.com, is active. It distills the first-person shooter experience down to its bare essentials by focusing on headshots and a unique, compelling story that rivals the heavyweights of the genre.
#2 Posted by ComradeCrash (567 posts) -

Lol that looks super sweet!

#3 Posted by FiestaUnicorn (1576 posts) -

But is the body damage as dynamic as Soldier of Fortune

#4 Posted by bman3737 (47 posts) -

I want this game...now

#5 Posted by Rudy (125 posts) -

Speechless.

#6 Posted by BoG (5192 posts) -
#7 Posted by JoelTGM (5596 posts) -

that is hilarious

#8 Posted by AndrewB (7670 posts) -

If you thought GTAIV was the current pinnacle of storytelling in games, then play the demo for this game.

#9 Posted by Fr0Br0 (3092 posts) -

Pretty funny. But when it comes down to it, most FPS don't stray too far from that game. Most have shallow stories and characters, give you a gun and tell you to shoot these dudes (And it will kill them faster if you shoot them in the face)

#10 Posted by dsplayer1010 (2227 posts) -

Haha

#11 Posted by LiveOrDie1212 (926 posts) -

man, that was stupid

#12 Posted by Wally (70 posts) -

I'd buy it

#13 Posted by SJSchmidt93 (4896 posts) -

Lol. Never heard of that IGN "game reviewer"

#14 Posted by Meltbrain (2975 posts) -

Haha, that's dumb, but also awesome.

#15 Posted by LordAndrew (14430 posts) -

I love The Onion. :)

#16 Posted by Abomstar (137 posts) -

Kill Town!

Online
#17 Edited by Brackynews (4094 posts) -

I expect this will be on the iPhone no later than Friday.
Hm, the story scenes are longer than the gameplay, yet I don't see a Kojima Productions logo...  c'mon, having animals is a dead giveaway!

#18 Posted by TwoOneFive (9459 posts) -

the onion rules. 

#19 Posted by Linkyshinks (9880 posts) -

Sheer awesomeness, clearly the future of FPS gaming.

#20 Posted by ZmillA (2274 posts) -

wow, one flash game single-handedly destroyed the first person shooter genre, as it stands today. lmao.

#21 Posted by JackiJinx (3091 posts) -

Cure for crying children: smothering.

#22 Posted by MeatSim (10905 posts) -

The Onion is the master of satire.

#23 Posted by Spiritof (2072 posts) -

I wasn't sold until they revealed the side quest mode where I could shoot animals in the face.

I wonder what the achievement points will be like?

#24 Posted by MetalGearSunny (6999 posts) -

lol That's some good stuff.

#25 Posted by Derios (423 posts) -

Great stuff.

#26 Posted by elliottsmith001 (31 posts) -

gross. i don't like this.

#27 Posted by georgecletus (68 posts) -

this is almost as good as the apocalypse survival skills news report

#28 Posted by demonbear (1860 posts) -

You know, i'm not sure how many people here are picking this up but this is also a critic of the FPS genre in the gaming industry. That we can create all sorts of shooters and reviewers can call for genius all they want, but down the line, for the regular guy's point of view, this is just a game where you shoot people in the face.

#29 Posted by raven_squad (438 posts) -

Probably more fun then Resistance 2. 

#30 Posted by MikeFightNight (1116 posts) -

"NOOOOOOOO! I LOVED HER!!!!!"

lol

#31 Posted by Dethfish (3686 posts) -

I've known about this for a very long time....of course smothering is the best solution for crying children.

#32 Posted by GobiasIndustries (356 posts) -

Hahaha amazing. I felt like shooting the horse was a milestone in video games.

#33 Posted by Grilledcheez (3952 posts) -
Fr0Br0 said:
"most FPS don't stray too far from that game. Most have shallow stories and characters, give you a gun and tell you to shoot these dudes (And it will kill them faster if you shoot them in the face)"
That's why it's funny. : |
#34 Posted by lamegame621 (975 posts) -

Haha. Satire at it's finest :D

#35 Posted by AURON570 (1674 posts) -

haha awesome.

#36 Posted by Scorched (691 posts) -

lol
that's great

#37 Posted by Grady (163 posts) -

Oh No!!!! Somebody call PETA!!!

#38 Posted by AllanIceman (1323 posts) -

In Stores Now!

#39 Posted by LiquidPrince (16032 posts) -

I'd play it XD

#40 Posted by Computerplayer1 (991 posts) -

GOTY Edition please.

#41 Posted by TooWalrus (13240 posts) -

So, it's Resident Evil 5? Nah, I love that game.

#42 Posted by Media_Master (3283 posts) -

thats some good satire!!

#43 Posted by Milkman (17073 posts) -

One thing that always impressed me about the Onion is their video game parodies. They actually know what they're talking about. I mean, what kind of satire website actually knows what IGN is or for that matter, that video game critics even exist? The most awesome kind. 

#44 Posted by papercut (3515 posts) -

Is it coming to P.C.????

#45 Posted by Trnck (448 posts) -

Too bad it's on Onion.

#46 Posted by Junior_AIN (200 posts) -

LOL! Awesomeness!

#47 Posted by Azrail (404 posts) -
http://doomcat.mybrute.com

^better game
#48 Posted by Krenor (471 posts) -

This game's story about revenge and brutality is one of the best ones I have seen in at least 10 years, the gameplay is fluid and the graphics are better then that of the greatest titles available now, I recommend everyone to play the demo and experience this themselves 

#49 Posted by sneakysnake128 (186 posts) -

Ahaha this is too good.

#50 Posted by AliasOpilo (1 posts) -

http://www.closerangegame.com/close_range.html

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