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Sharpless

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The Hitchhiker's Guide to Sharpless' Favorite Video Game Characters

As much as I emphasize solid, fun gameplay in my enjoyment of a given video game, some of the most satisfying "icing on the cake" is having a good character in said video game. Now, I'm a strange, sad little man, and my criteria is solely my own. I like what and whom I like, and I may not always have a good reason for it, or any reason for it. So, please bear with me as I recount the digital citizens who have left a mark on my fragile, disturbed psyche.

List items

  • I put him on this list just to spite you.

  • Look at that little guy go.

  • KICKS DUDES IN THE DICK AND LIKES MEAT

  • This largely has to do with my love of Super Mario Bros. 2. I always felt like the Shy Guys were more interesting generic villains than the Goombas. Part of me kind of weeps inside at the fact that we never got to see a sequel to the Mario Bros. movie featuring the Shy Guys. Given what they did to the Goombas on the big screen, their interpretation of the Shy Guys could've been downright terrifying. Sadly(?), that particular disaster will forever exist only in my nightmares.

  • Why? He's not Bowser. That's why. Again, I've always had a soft spot for the unorthodox Super Mario Bros. 2. Thus, I've always had a soft spot for Wart, one of Mario's largely forgotten villains. Personally, I think it's time for a comeback. Wart Party Wii. Wart's Quest. Guitar Hero: Wart. Make it happen.

  • I suppose this is more about the games overall than the character himself. Jim is essentially just one big "WTF?" much like the games themselves. Absurdity is the beginning and end of their appeal, and that is perfectly, 100% OK.

  • This one dates back to my childhood. Despite the fact that I never developed into a full-on furry in my adult years, my childhood was filled with much love for anthropomorphic animal characters. The Star Fox games, particularly "64," fueled that love. In particular, I always gravitated towards the agitated, smart-mouthed Falco. He always struck me as being about as badass as a cartoony anthropomorphic falcon can be. Which, admittedly, probably isn't all that badass.

  • She is my space wife and she is not racist. Fuck you.

  • YO YOU CAN ALMOST SEE HER BUTT

  • HE DON'T TALK BUT YOU FEEL HIM MAN YOU FEEL HIM
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