Quite Possibly The Greatest First-Person Shooter I've Ever Played

Yeah, that's basically what all game hype sounds like to me. My favorite part is when the kid's like "yeah it's completely open-ended! You can shoot them in the ear... or, or the eye!". That's basically every game PR guy ever. They all want to spin every single flat, one-dimensional game as open-ended with deep characters and stories. Great stuff.

They made everything about that game look real, except for the game itself. I love it

Wrong... wrong... wrong... wrong... WRONG!  And funny.

I would totally buy that game.

That was quite epic

Suck on this, CoD 4!

LOL, good stuff...and up next a new cure for crying babies...smothering
I think I need to change my username to Chainsaw Dawn too

Wow that was fun, I especially like shooting with the shot gun and watching the head blow up lol.

Brilliant.

"When I tried to run the flash site, it crashed my browser. Thanks, Giant Bomb!

Oh, and the Onion is almost never funny."

When I tried to run the flash site, it crashed my browser. Thanks, Giant Bomb!

Oh, and the Onion is almost never funny.

MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

I haven't even watched the video yet, but I can already say YES!

http://www.closerangegame.com/close_range.html

Ahaha this is too good.

This game's story about revenge and brutality is one of the best ones I have seen in at least 10 years, the gameplay is fluid and the graphics are better then that of the greatest titles available now, I recommend everyone to play the demo and experience this themselves 

LOL! Awesomeness!

Too bad it's on Onion.

Is it coming to P.C.????

One thing that always impressed me about the Onion is their video game parodies. They actually know what they're talking about. I mean, what kind of satire website actually knows what IGN is or for that matter, that video game critics even exist? The most awesome kind. 

thats some good satire!!

So, it's Resident Evil 5? Nah, I love that game.

GOTY Edition please.

I'd play it XD

In Stores Now!

Oh No!!!! Somebody call PETA!!!

lol
that's great

haha awesome.

Haha. Satire at it's finest :D

"most FPS don't stray too far from that game. Most have shallow stories and characters, give you a gun and tell you to shoot these dudes (And it will kill them faster if you shoot them in the face)"

Hahaha amazing. I felt like shooting the horse was a milestone in video games.

I've known about this for a very long time....of course smothering is the best solution for crying children.

"NOOOOOOOO! I LOVED HER!!!!!"

lol

Probably more fun then Resistance 2. 

You know, i'm not sure how many people here are picking this up but this is also a critic of the FPS genre in the gaming industry. That we can create all sorts of shooters and reviewers can call for genius all they want, but down the line, for the regular guy's point of view, this is just a game where you shoot people in the face.

this is almost as good as the apocalypse survival skills news report

gross. i don't like this.

Great stuff.

lol That's some good stuff.

I wasn't sold until they revealed the side quest mode where I could shoot animals in the face.

I wonder what the achievement points will be like?

The Onion is the master of satire.

Cure for crying children: smothering.

wow, one flash game single-handedly destroyed the first person shooter genre, as it stands today. lmao.

Sheer awesomeness, clearly the future of FPS gaming.

the onion rules. 

I expect this will be on the iPhone no later than Friday.
Hm, the story scenes are longer than the gameplay, yet I don't see a Kojima Productions logo...  c'mon, having animals is a dead giveaway!

Kill Town!

I love The Onion. :)