If you could tell your ten year old self something

Some lottery winning numbers for sure, also which stocks to invest in. Oh, also: learn to play the motherfucking guitar earlier.

"When your nineteen you will dump a girl who you been with for two years for someone you work with and barely know, she's not worth it. Stick with the missus and treat her right. Also you will have a fight with this guy when your fifteen, don't worry, he really fucking deserved it."

Why the fuck did you stop pro-swimming - something you were actually good at - you numskull?!

Stop covering yourself in peanut butter and running out your neighborhood naked, it doesn't help.

Better get used to being that small.

Don't get Enter the Matrix.

I'd just take all my money back and buy a bunch of stock and hide it somewhere I've never looked. I get the stocks when I return and I don't risk creating a paradox. Besides, my only regret is not studying enough but a few years of being rich in community college won't kill me.

No words from me, just a punch in the face.

Don't drop out of college and don't take your sweet ass time graduating by taking one or two classes a semester you lazy piece of shit.

"This is what awaits you in nine years. Here's some blood thinner and a razor blade, I'll draw you a bath."

Dont get a Wii. You wont use it. Trust me it will make sense someday...

Do not trade in that Megadrive and all its games, you'll regret it forever.

Have more fun with school, you will like it more and do far better. Learning is great once you have the right attitude.

Play more games, spend more evenings with friends, etc. There isn't nearly enough time as an adult for all that.

Oh and ask out all the girls. Getting turned down means nothing in the long run, neither does only having brief things. Just run with it

Dude, the next 10 years or so are going to fucking suck. I do not envy you.  
 
Also; do whatever is necessary to keep Jenny in your life. And not the Jenny from Västerås, she's awful and not worth your time.  
 
And most importantly; World of Warcraft is poison and WILL ruin your life.  
 
And before I forget; look at yourself, you ungrateful piece of shit. You contribute nothing of worth to anyone, can't even be arsed to take part in the education being given to you by your fellow countrymen and yet somehow everyone else is the asshole? You know what? Fuck you, you over-indulged, self-righteous little asshole. Learn some fucking humility. Almost everyone in the entire world are worse off than you. 

Kill the fuckers your ten you can get away with it

Stop crying and learn something actually useful. 
Maybe asian cooking?

Go to the Red Hot Chili Pepper Concert in High School. It is possibly the only time you will see them play with John. Also high school sucks, but it's nothing to worry about.

Tell him to stop trying, it won't amount to anything anyway.

I think investments is the obvious one. Also "don't sleep around on the girl your with at 17... she's the best you'll ever have".

"Don't be afraid to be scared and don't be afraid to be strange."

"it doesn't really get any easier" ...

2 days after your 17th birthday, whatever you do, please don't pull that trigger, you'll be living a life of shame, guilt and lies from then on

Get your shit together son!

"Just wait for what happens on your 13th birthday! It'll be so amazing, the best day of your life!"

Nothing really happened on my 13th birthday. Would be kinda fun to f*ck with my 10 year old self. I'm such an asshole.

Don't FUCKING play Runescape!

I'd say something like "Start excercising, you aren't going to be skinny forever". Would have saved me quite a bit of work.

Take over Russia.

What would you tell yourself if you could go back in time to tell yourself something while you were ten, what would you tell yourself. I would probably tell myself to put down the chocolate, it only gets worse.

@ervonymous said:

don't trade that foil Charizard

Better not have been a first edition.

DO NOT ASK FOR A VIRTUAL BOY....

Oh and on your tenth grade band trip to Disney World, this senior chick who totally wants your sack, wants you to ditch your friends to come join her with her friends. Listen to your friends, don't be a bitch and puss out.

what 10 year old is going to listen to some strange dude who just walks up to them and starts saying shit like 
 
"DON'T LOOSE YOUR VIRGINITY!" 

In 4 years you will have a choice between going to play Gears at a friend's house or going to this chicks house. Go to the chick's you can play gears later

Tell him everything works out in the end. Then future future self comes and tells me otherwise.

Well I haven't really done something dumb enough to warn my past self about yet (I'm 18, give me time). I guess I would just tell him to "stay awesome".

Plan for the attempts to runaway and not just do it and fail each time.

For fuck's sake, don't hang out with that group when you turn 13.

Keep walking, he's too good to be true.
 
Seriously bitch, MOVE, don't bother.

Don't use the crosswalk at the red light. He's not going to stop.

@wolf_blitzer85: It sure was. Not that much money compared to the craziest MTG cards but damn.

That ain't a Milky Way bar, it's a Snickers bar.

You people are so simple minded. LOTTERY NUMBERS!!!

Invest heavily in Google.

"Wee Timmy," I began, inexplicably assuming the accent of an elderly Scottish man, even though I'm 26 and Australian. "Listen up and heed my words well, for they shall change your life."

"When you are sixteen, your parents shall force ye to get a job at the local supermarket in an attempt to teach you maturity and remove their own responsibility to keep your supply of videogames up."

"A job at sixteen?" past-Tim growled, stroking his manly stubble. "That's insane, school alone is utter balls."

"Aye, laddy, but it gets worse. The job will be shite, but while there you shall meet a beautiful girl, older than you and experienced in the ways of the world; a real master of the carnal arts."

"...go on." He replied.

"She will want you, for she is damaged goods and preys upon teenagers. She will screw your brains out, and all while leading you down a path of drunken and drug-filled debauchery!"

"...go on." Past-Tim repeated, eyes glowing.

"Resist her! She is the path that ruins love for you for years, leading you from one relationship to another based around nothing more than depraved sex acts and utter indifference to each other's longterm feelings or goals. Your schooling will suffer, your self confidence will be destroyed, you will spend 10 years working meaningless, shitty jobs instead of attending University, and all for the fleeting pleasure of sexual intercourse."

"..." said past-me, sporting a youthful boner.

"Oh fuck it, I didn't think that through at all," said I, fading away into nothingness.

So sad for people who regretted not studying. People never think to steps ahead. And BTW, when you tell something to your younger self won't it cause a infinite loop of information/memory between you and the your younger self?, until your brain explodes?

You guys realize that working out when you're 10 is actually bad for you, right?

"That rash won't go away if you ignore it"

"You are John Galt"

In a years time your going to be diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and it fecking sucks.

Invest your pocket money and tell your parents to invest in Microsoft.

Don't be such a shy motherfucker and take your chances when it comes to girls. And learn to play a piano. And don't fail on Architecture aptitude test, not again. And don't quit practicing tennis no matter how busted you think your knee is. Because it's not. And invest in Google. And please practice archery or something.