..and I'm pretty pissed.
Now, it's not marijuana or anything, just regular cigarettes (so it's actually worse) . Before she never really smoked, only very rarely at a few parties here and there, but now she has started to buy her own packs (not cartons, thank god, but a pack is still a pack too many).
The thing is, I'm one of those "protective" brothers, meaning that if I sense my sister is in any kind of trouble, I prevent the trouble from happening. Even though she is 5 years older than me, I still feel as the older sibling, which is pretty nerve racking to say the least. Unfortunately, she is the kind of person that will indulge in things in order to "fit in", and the excuse she always gives me is "well, everyone else was doing it."
The good thing is is that she's already become uncomfortable smoking around me when with her friends, but I know that once I'm out of the room she doesn't care as much, if at all. I've already discussed this new habit with her, but she merely makes excuses and tells me to stop trying to be like our dad (our parents don't know a thing by the way).
Here's the difficult part: I'm living with her now, and I don't want things to turn stale. I've thought of simply forbidding her to smoke, but I honestly don't think that will do any good. I've smoked for a year, maybe a year and a half, and see that as the greatest regret in my life thus far, so this affects me quite closely.
I don't want to make this into a big thing or anything, I'm not asking for life lessons here, but since I can't turn to my parents on this one (long story), I'm just curious what some of you would do if you were in my situation.
EDIT: sorry for any confusion, but I am no longer a smoker. Haven't had a cigarette for 8 months now.
Thank you,
-Jolly_Lolly
So my sister is starting to smoke.. (Blog post) (:\)
..and I'm pretty pissed.
Now, it's not marijuana or anything, just regular cigarettes (so it's actually worse) . Before she never really smoked, only very rarely at a few parties here and there, but now she has started to buy her own packs (not cartons, thank god, but a pack is still a pack too many).
The thing is, I'm one of those "protective" brothers, meaning that if I sense my sister is in any kind of trouble, I prevent the trouble from happening. Even though she is 5 years older than me, I still feel as the older sibling, which is pretty nerve racking to say the least. Unfortunately, she is the kind of person that will indulge in things in order to "fit in", and the excuse she always gives me is "well, everyone else was doing it."
The good thing is is that she's already become uncomfortable smoking around me when with her friends, but I know that once I'm out of the room she doesn't care as much, if at all. I've already discussed this new habit with her, but she merely makes excuses and tells me to stop trying to be like our dad (our parents don't know a thing by the way).
Here's the difficult part: I'm living with her now, and I don't want things to turn stale. I've thought of simply forbidding her to smoke, but I honestly don't think that will do any good. I've smoked for a year, maybe a year and a half, and see that as the greatest regret in my life thus far, so this affects me quite closely.
I don't want to make this into a big thing or anything, I'm not asking for life lessons here, but since I can't turn to my parents on this one (long story), I'm just curious what some of you would do if you were in my situation.
EDIT: sorry for any confusion, but I am no longer a smoker. Haven't had a cigarette for 8 months now.
Thank you,
-Jolly_Lolly
There's really no easy decision. It's easy to sit at a computer and tell you that you shouldn't do anything. None of us have the emotional attachment you do. No matter how lenient/harsh you are on her about her smoking, she's probably not going to like you for it, at least not at first. You really have to decide how adamant you're going to be about her quitting.
" Smoking is fun. That's why it's near impossible to persuade a smoker to stop - they legitimately like to smoke. She'll quit if she wants to do so herself, not because you tell her to. The only thing you can do is get into an argument with her and fuck up your relationship. "If only it were that simple.
Your just gonna have to ride it out,since she just started smoking she's not gonna see a reason to quit until the "coolness" has worn off.Also if your smoking you really don't have any room to tell her that she should quit,that just makes you look like a hypoctite.
" @Jolly_Lolly: Have you quit smoking? If not. Set the example and quit. Then get her to quit because you care about her. "I'm proud to say that I am no longer a smoker, and will never be one again. The last cigarette I had was in December, so it's out of my system for good.
@NickM said:
" Smoking is fun. That's why it's near impossible to persuade a smoker to stop - they legitimately like to smoke. She'll quit if she wants to do so herself, not because you tell her to. The only thing you can do is get into an argument with her and fuck up your relationship. "Very true. The thing is, is that I'm not even really sure she likes to even smoke. I haven't seen her smoke once when not around her friends, so I'm thinking it's just peer pressure.
I'd have thought she was over such silly things as "peer pressure", but apparently not. She even rips on me when I decline to smoke or drink, asking me "why do you always say no to everything?" I'm not saying I don't drink completely, hell I had a beer last night, but I respect myself too much to abuse such things.
" Your just gonna have to ride it out,since she just started smoking she's not gonna see a reason to quit until the "coolness" has worn off.Also if your smoking you really don't have any room to tell her that she should quit,that just makes you look like a hypoctite. "Again, I haven't smoked for 8 months now.
Let her do whatever the fuck she wants, seriously. She's big, fat and ugly enough to make her own decisions in life and you have no right to tell her she can't.
I was in the same position with my sister, though she's only 3 years older than me. I've been smoking a pack a day since I was 14 and she decided at 20 that she wanted to take up smoking (it wasn't a snap decision, she'd been having one here and there for a while). I told her once she starts smoking a pack a day it will be really fucking hard to stop and how much it sucks if you can't get your 'fix', but in the end it was her decision. She quit recently though as she found out she was pregnant (Woo, bad influence uncle time!).
If you and your sister are flatmates (meaning, you both split rent and bills), you have NO RIGHT to forbid her to smoke in what is as much her house as it is yours. Voice your concern, let her make her own decision. If you be a fuckwit about it every time she lights up, all you're going to do is piss her off eventually and fuck up your relationship.
And for the record, me and my sister are extremely close. We probably have a closer relationship than we do with our parents.
Oh, and just because you smoke doesn't mean you're going to die of lung cancer. I've known quite a few people who have smoke their entire lives that lived well into their 80's, and at the same time, a few that have died of lung cancer when they hadn't touched a cigarette in their lives. My grandad was a heavy drinker his entire life, and yet one of the only organs of his that wasn't failing before he died was his liver. I'm not saying smoking is good for you at all, just that smoking doesn't necessarily make you die at 40.
" She's scum then. I despise smoking and I hate people that do. "Disliking smoking is fine. Saying that smokers are scum is idiotic. My dad smokes. But he has 2 jobs and he is paying the bills to the house and has enough extra to think about looking at the latest electronics. And recently, he is starting to smoke less. So is he scum?
" @Agent47CSim2 said:Agreed.You're a moron. Really. "" She's scum then. I despise smoking and I hate people that do. "
@Khann said:
" Let her do whatever the fuck she wants, seriously. She's big, fat and ugly enough to make her own decisions in life and you have no right to tell her she can't. I was in the same position with my sister, though she's only 3 years older than me. I've been smoking a pack a day since I was 14 and she decided at 20 that she wanted to take up smoking (it wasn't a snap decision, she'd been having one here and there for a while). I told her once she starts smoking a pack a day it will be really fucking hard to stop and how much it sucks if you can't get your 'fix', but in the end it was her decision. She quit recently though as she found out she was pregnant (Woo, bad influence uncle time!). If you and your sister are flatmates (meaning, you both split rent and bills), you have NO RIGHT to forbid her to smoke in what is as much her house as it is yours. Voice your concern, let her make her own decision. If you be a fuckwit about it every time she lights up, all you're going to do is piss her off eventually and fuck up your relationship. "That's about where I stopped reading. /ignored
@CSXLoser said:
" @Agent47CSim2 said:My dad actually smokes as well, and he is the hardest working man I've ever known. Don't pay attention to these trolls, mate, I think we both know who the real scum are in this thread." She's scum then. I despise smoking and I hate people that do. "Disliking smoking is fine. Saying that smokers are scum is idiotic. My dad smokes. But he has 2 jobs and he is paying the bills to the house and has enough extra to think about looking at the latest electronics. And recently, he is starting to smoke less. So is he scum? "
Uhh.. what? I wasn't having a go at your sister, it's a saying.. basically meaning she's old/mature enough. Maybe it's an Australian thing. Don't be a child and ignore the rest of my post.@Khann said:
" Let her do whatever the fuck she wants, seriously. She's big, fat and ugly enough to make her own decisions in life and you have no right to tell her she can't. I was in the same position with my sister, though she's only 3 years older than me. I've been smoking a pack a day since I was 14 and she decided at 20 that she wanted to take up smoking (it wasn't a snap decision, she'd been having one here and there for a while). I told her once she starts smoking a pack a day it will be really fucking hard to stop and how much it sucks if you can't get your 'fix', but in the end it was her decision. She quit recently though as she found out she was pregnant (Woo, bad influence uncle time!). If you and your sister are flatmates (meaning, you both split rent and bills), you have NO RIGHT to forbid her to smoke in what is as much her house as it is yours. Voice your concern, let her make her own decision. If you be a fuckwit about it every time she lights up, all you're going to do is piss her off eventually and fuck up your relationship. "That's about where I stopped reading. /ignored
" @calidan777 said:Oh,didn't catch that part,my bad.But still,if she's an adult then you have a pretty good chance of messin' up your relationship with her if you press too hard,trust me,I have two younger sisters that I've almost lost completely because I was trying to do what I felt was best for them.You gotta let her make her own decisions,take it from someone who's been there." Your just gonna have to ride it out,since she just started smoking she's not gonna see a reason to quit until the "coolness" has worn off.Also if your smoking you really don't have any room to tell her that she should quit,that just makes you look like a hypoctite. "Again, I haven't smoked for 8 months now. "
" @Jolly_Lolly said:Again, uninformative post /ignored.Uhh.. what? I wasn't having a go at your sister, it's a saying.. basically meaning she's old/mature enough. Maybe it's an Australian thing. Don't be a child and ignore the rest of my post. "@Khann said:
" Let her do whatever the fuck she wants, seriously. She's big, fat and ugly enough to make her own decisions in life and you have no right to tell her she can't. I was in the same position with my sister, though she's only 3 years older than me. I've been smoking a pack a day since I was 14 and she decided at 20 that she wanted to take up smoking (it wasn't a snap decision, she'd been having one here and there for a while). I told her once she starts smoking a pack a day it will be really fucking hard to stop and how much it sucks if you can't get your 'fix', but in the end it was her decision. She quit recently though as she found out she was pregnant (Woo, bad influence uncle time!). If you and your sister are flatmates (meaning, you both split rent and bills), you have NO RIGHT to forbid her to smoke in what is as much her house as it is yours. Voice your concern, let her make her own decision. If you be a fuckwit about it every time she lights up, all you're going to do is piss her off eventually and fuck up your relationship. "That's about where I stopped reading. /ignored
You say your living with her, did she move in with you, or did you move in with her? Because if it's your place, you could say you don't want her smoking inside, which would mean she has got to go outside if she wants a smoke, which would encourage her to cut down at least. Apart from that, there is nothing much you can do. Just let her make her own mistakes, I'm sure she'll learn from them soon enough.
" @Khann said:What is your problem bro? I took the time to make a post to give you some advice, and you be a complete dick about it. Did you make this post expecting every bit of advice to say "Wow man, you are awesome! Keep telling your sister what to do, she might hate you now, but one day she'll see you were just trying to help her! You are a saint!". The post I made was based on experiences I've had in my life, and I was trying to help." @Jolly_Lolly said:Again, uninformative post /ignored. "Uhh.. what? I wasn't having a go at your sister, it's a saying.. basically meaning she's old/mature enough. Maybe it's an Australian thing. Don't be a child and ignore the rest of my post. "@Khann said:
" Let her do whatever the fuck she wants, seriously. She's big, fat and ugly enough to make her own decisions in life and you have no right to tell her she can't. I was in the same position with my sister, though she's only 3 years older than me. I've been smoking a pack a day since I was 14 and she decided at 20 that she wanted to take up smoking (it wasn't a snap decision, she'd been having one here and there for a while). I told her once she starts smoking a pack a day it will be really fucking hard to stop and how much it sucks if you can't get your 'fix', but in the end it was her decision. She quit recently though as she found out she was pregnant (Woo, bad influence uncle time!). If you and your sister are flatmates (meaning, you both split rent and bills), you have NO RIGHT to forbid her to smoke in what is as much her house as it is yours. Voice your concern, let her make her own decision. If you be a fuckwit about it every time she lights up, all you're going to do is piss her off eventually and fuck up your relationship. "That's about where I stopped reading. /ignored
The worst thing you can do is let smoking effect your relationship with your sister. People have to grow up and make decisions on their own sometimes. Just encourage her to make the right decisions. You can't make her not smoke, but you can encourage her by doing little things like picking her up a box of patches, so if she is ready to quit she can have those on-hand... they are quite pricey. This will let her know you care and just want what is best for her while not being in her face about it.
" @Agent47CSim2 said:I guess you smoke and you're offended. Otherwise, I see no reason to call him a moron for expressing his opinion. Stop being butthurt.You're a moron. Really. "" She's scum then. I despise smoking and I hate people that do. "
Kick her ass. Ignore everyone else.
Punch her in the breasts and tell her, that's what her chest is gonna feel like when she's old and has lung cancer.
Depends how old she is, if she's relatively young, then I hope it's a phase, a period *snicker* of her life. I kinda went through a period of a couple of months where I smoked every chance I could get, I'd get all kinds of cigars, cigarrettes, etc. Then I realized that at one point I wasn't even getting buzzed or anything, I was just smoking for the sake of smoking. So I stopped, I probably wasn't addicted because it was pretty easy to quit.
I think it might backfire if you are too aggressive about it, just be cool, smoke a joint or something.
Your sister smokes. Deal with it. It's not your life, so don't try to judge what she does based on your own morals. Basically...you are her younger brother, she is an adult, and she can do whatever the fuck she wants, man...
...unless she starts sucking dick for money. That's a different story. THEN kick her ass, seabass.
Having watched Mad Men, I can honestly say smoking is cool as fuck. Encourage her to smoke as muh as she can.
"put a firecracker in one of her cigarettes. she'll learn... "
I laughed.
Anyways, about your sister
Who the fuck still wants to fit in with everybody? I never understood why people smoke or drink or fuck themselves up in some kind of way to fit in. Those people she wants to fit in with probably don't give a shit about her anyways, and hopefully she'll realize that soon.
" Having watched Mad Men, I can honestly say smoking is cool as fuck. Encourage her to smoke as much as she can. "after watching season 2, this is the correct answer
Slip her a Mickey, then handcuff to a radiator in the basement. Two tables on one a hatchet and her cigarettes, the other the key to handcuffs and a pack of Nicorette gum. When she wakes up be be sure to wear a Saw mask, and explain the choice to her quite clearly.
What? If you want her to stop I'm sure this will get her attention.
" @Emandudeguyperson: Not everyone smokes to be cool. Some of us just enjoy tobacco. I am one of those people. You don't dig it? That's your thing. "Yeah, it's like overeating, it's bad, but it's your right to eat till your arteries assplode.
If you yourself were a smoker once then you know you, the individual, has to decide to quit smoking. It can not be forced upon you. You've expressed your thoughts on the subject, warned her of the dangers so now it's time to let her live her own life. If someone had come to you and said you can't smoke - ever - even though you are a legally able to, would you have just quit right then and there? She'll decide in her own time when to stop. As an ex-smoker myself, I know it is the hardest thing and it feels worse when you see someone you care about choosing to walk down that ashen path, but none of us have the right to impose our views on others providing they are not breaking any laws.
Dude, she's your sister. Don't listen to all those people who say "It's her life, let her do it. She'll stop if she wants". You should talk to her. Let her know how you feel, and try to relate to her. Tell her why you finally quit, and how hard it was (I'm assuming it was). Don't yell and scream, or forbid and demand. Anyone who doesn't realize the dangers of smoking these days is just not paying attention. It's hard with loved ones. I remember when I first started dating my fiancee, she smoked, and did some other stuff. I really didn't like it, but I knew I couldn't force her to stop. After we got a little closer, I told her how I felt about it, and she ended up stopping. She realized that it wasn't worth it to keep doing it. Thankfully, I was more important to her than cigarettes or drugs. Now, you could never guess that she's the same person. She rarely even drinks these days. With your sister, you don't want to act like a parent (especially since you're younger), you want to be more like a friend.
Good luck!
This coming from a guy who quit smoking about a month or so into first year of university.
Please Log In to post.
Log in to comment