This Asteroids Movie Can Only Be Amazing

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Posted by MattBodega (1907 posts) -

Properties are optioned by movie studios all the time. It doesn't always mean that the property is going to be actively developed into a film. So, when Universal Pictures picked up the rights to turn arcade classic Asteroids into a blockbuster release--overseen by Lorenzo di Bonaventura, producer of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra, we all had a good laugh about the futility of adapting the story-less game into a watchable film.
 
But neither logic nor reason stand in the way of exploiting/ruining every major franchise/property to come out of the '80s, and the result is that di Bonaventura is actively talking about the development of an Asteroids property with press outlets. It can't go away and vanish into a locked file cabinet in an executive's office forever if people keep asking him about it!
 

 What was flying that damn spaceship?! Finally, we'll know the answer.
 
== TEASER ==But that's exactly what film site Coming Soon did when interviewing di Bonaventura about the release of the Angelina Jolie vehicle, Salt. And di Bonaventura is still thinking about how to turn the arcade game into a damn movie.
 
Says di Bonaventura:
 

"When I was called about the property - I was called because of what I'd done with 'Transformers' and 'G.I. Joe.' Atari reached out to me and said, 'We have Asteroids,' and I had an immediate reaction 'Yes.' 

Immediate reaction. Atari says Asteroids and di Bonaventura jumps at the chance. What did he see in the game that would make a successful producer jump at the prospect of making a movie?

The reason was not because playing the game, we thought somehow that game could be translated into a movie, it can't.

So then why call it Asteroids? Why does the movie need to be based on the arcade game? Atari doesn't own the right to rocks what float in space.

The word 'Asteroids' conotates a large-scale experience, so the challenge, which was great, was 'Okay, so how do you get a mythology that will support that?"

Wait a minute... mythology.... you don't mean....
 

We really went after a mythology on the level of 'Star Wars' and we'll see if we succeeded or not but it's not a simple thing of the asteroids are going to hit the earth. We never come to earth. 
 
The entire movie takes place in the asteroid field.

Done. Sold. Day one. Here's my $20. I need two tickets, in case the first one catches on fire, because this movie sounds too hot.
 
Oh, and di Bonaventura says that the movie will finally reveal who has been flying inside those spaceships that keeps you from destroying Asteroids. You'll get to see the aliens inside.
 
I'm going to the theater right now. Who else is with me? And by with me, I mean behind me.
#1 Posted by MattBodega (1907 posts) -

Properties are optioned by movie studios all the time. It doesn't always mean that the property is going to be actively developed into a film. So, when Universal Pictures picked up the rights to turn arcade classic Asteroids into a blockbuster release--overseen by Lorenzo di Bonaventura, producer of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra, we all had a good laugh about the futility of adapting the story-less game into a watchable film.
 
But neither logic nor reason stand in the way of exploiting/ruining every major franchise/property to come out of the '80s, and the result is that di Bonaventura is actively talking about the development of an Asteroids property with press outlets. It can't go away and vanish into a locked file cabinet in an executive's office forever if people keep asking him about it!
 

 What was flying that damn spaceship?! Finally, we'll know the answer.
 
== TEASER ==But that's exactly what film site Coming Soon did when interviewing di Bonaventura about the release of the Angelina Jolie vehicle, Salt. And di Bonaventura is still thinking about how to turn the arcade game into a damn movie.
 
Says di Bonaventura:
 

"When I was called about the property - I was called because of what I'd done with 'Transformers' and 'G.I. Joe.' Atari reached out to me and said, 'We have Asteroids,' and I had an immediate reaction 'Yes.' 

Immediate reaction. Atari says Asteroids and di Bonaventura jumps at the chance. What did he see in the game that would make a successful producer jump at the prospect of making a movie?

The reason was not because playing the game, we thought somehow that game could be translated into a movie, it can't.

So then why call it Asteroids? Why does the movie need to be based on the arcade game? Atari doesn't own the right to rocks what float in space.

The word 'Asteroids' conotates a large-scale experience, so the challenge, which was great, was 'Okay, so how do you get a mythology that will support that?"

Wait a minute... mythology.... you don't mean....
 

We really went after a mythology on the level of 'Star Wars' and we'll see if we succeeded or not but it's not a simple thing of the asteroids are going to hit the earth. We never come to earth. 
 
The entire movie takes place in the asteroid field.

Done. Sold. Day one. Here's my $20. I need two tickets, in case the first one catches on fire, because this movie sounds too hot.
 
Oh, and di Bonaventura says that the movie will finally reveal who has been flying inside those spaceships that keeps you from destroying Asteroids. You'll get to see the aliens inside.
 
I'm going to the theater right now. Who else is with me? And by with me, I mean behind me.
#2 Edited by Six (613 posts) -

what? amazing?  ok, let's see it be amazing.
or at least make for an amazing WU-Tang later when Ryan watches it.

#3 Posted by Klarion17 (8 posts) -

It'll still be better than transformers 2 and g.i.joe. 

#4 Posted by JeffGoldblum (3720 posts) -

Yes.

#5 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18954 posts) -

is you serius ?

#6 Posted by demontium (4710 posts) -
@Six:
because 7 ate 9
#7 Posted by Kinsella (53 posts) -

If they can develop a mythology about Asteroids, I shudder to think  what a Yar's Revenge movie would be like. Epic 3 film trilogy!
#8 Posted by Disgaeamad (1342 posts) -

And so I finally make a movie ticket purchase.

#9 Posted by CaptainFish (454 posts) -

I'm just wondering how long into the movie we'll see a dude doing something on a radar machine  or other "terminal" that is actual an asteroids game. Or rather a clip of an asteroids game, becuse his movements won't actually match up with the screen. Maybe it's in the opening before that ship is impacted and as the player and the game float into space they have a late title card.



#10 Posted by adoggz (2046 posts) -

sorry I'm already in line for the expendables.  

  I'll join in after I'm done here
#11 Edited by rateoforange (403 posts) -

Michael Cera IS Asteroids.
 
"Are you saying my brother was a traitor? My brother DIED fighting the Asteroids. "
 
"He'll never make it! No one can come out of hyperspace in a field that dense -- and survive!"
 
"This isn't a game. You think a kid with two credits to his name can survive out here?" 

#12 Posted by singing_pigs (35 posts) -
#13 Posted by SenorTrampoline (122 posts) -

It will be amazing. The type of amazing it will be is uncertain though.

#14 Posted by Beforet (2941 posts) -

Sold.

#15 Posted by Godzilla_Sushi (1085 posts) -

Since this article was kind of too good on it's own, I don't think I need to see anything else about it now!

#16 Posted by MikkaQ (10346 posts) -

I uh... wow.  
 
I think this is more impressive than anything. The disturbing part is how genuinely excited Bonaventura seems to be about working with the franchise.  

#17 Posted by masternater27 (921 posts) -
@Klarion17 said:
" It'll still be better than transformers 2 and g.i.joe.  "
It'd be almost impossible not to be better than G.I. Joe
#18 Posted by max3000 (371 posts) -

What the FUCK am I reading? Good lord.. Sad thing is I'm probably going to watch it.

#19 Posted by SmithyC (10 posts) -

I am down with this. Sounds like a blast.

#20 Posted by fuzzybunny566 (454 posts) -

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no...i'd much rather see a new asteroids game in the vein of the updated defender game, in that you actually pilot the asteroids ship from within.
#21 Posted by Deusoma (3041 posts) -

Okay, Asteroids is a stupid, stupid thing to base a movie on, but Transformers 2 is actually one of my favourite movies, so it's not entirely out of the question that the Asteroids movie will be fun to watch, if not exactly cinematic gold.

#22 Edited by onarum (2383 posts) -

yep, next up we'll have a movie based on pong... seriously, wtf are these people smoking man?
 
also
 @Deusoma said:

" Okay, Asteroids is a stupid, stupid thing to base a movie on, but Transformers 2 is actually one of my favourite movies, so it's not entirely out of the question that the Asteroids movie will be fun to watch, if not exactly cinematic gold. "

Look, don't take this the wrong way, but you really have to watch more movies, because if that garbage is what you consider one of the best you've watched, you clearly haven't watched much.
#23 Posted by Cowman (677 posts) -
@Deusoma said:
" Okay, Asteroids is a stupid, stupid thing to base a movie on "
I agree. Although I'm hoping this leads to an Asteroids Deluxe movie, now there's a concept for a movie!
#24 Posted by RandomInternetUser (6789 posts) -
@adoggz said:

" sorry I'm already in line for the expendables.  

  I'll join in after I'm done here "
my.... god.  yes.
#25 Posted by Ryax (4630 posts) -
@onarum said:
" yep, next up we'll have a movie based on pong... seriously, wtf are these people smoking man?
 
also
 @Deusoma said:

" Okay, Asteroids is a stupid, stupid thing to base a movie on, but Transformers 2 is actually one of my favourite movies, so it's not entirely out of the question that the Asteroids movie will be fun to watch, if not exactly cinematic gold. "

Look, don't take this the wrong way, but you really have to watch more movies, because if that garbage is what you consider one of the best you've watched, you clearly haven't watched much. "
its true. transformers 2 doesnt even register on my top 1000
#26 Posted by FlipperDesert (2118 posts) -
@onarum said:
" yep, next up we'll have a movie based on pong... "
I'm pretty sure you could just extend out the post-Vietnam bit from Forrest Gump and get a pong film. 
 
Hearing about the pre-production of this movie is like watching a trainwreck in slow motion.
#27 Posted by Walreese55 (511 posts) -

This post needs more "motherfucker" in it to be extreme. In time padawan.

#28 Edited by Mjolnir (459 posts) -
My immediate reaction to that proposition: "So?"
#29 Posted by ch13696 (4582 posts) -

You heard it here first 
 
"After hearing that di Bonaventura snagged the rights to Asteroids and actually making a  movie out of it, Uwe Boll jumped at the chance to make another video game movie  adaptation. Reported earlier this morning, legally retarded film director Uwe Boll, picked up  the rights to Pong. We have comment from the director: 
 
"After hearing about this Asteroid movie, I had to hurry to this chance. I couldn't 
  let that idiot Michael Bay make this movie. He doesn't even understand the 
 meaning behind my movies." 
 
 Uwe Boll mentions that the movie will be set to release in August 2010.

#30 Posted by JoelTGM (5599 posts) -

When Atari said Asteroids, he did realize it wasn't like Halo right?  It's a game about a triangle that shoots other shapes that are the asteroids. 

#31 Posted by ryanwho (12082 posts) -

I have every bit of confidence this movie could be better than the entire new trilogy.

#32 Posted by JackSukeru (5991 posts) -
@Kinsella said:
" If they can develop a mythology about Asteroids, I shudder to think  what a Yar's Revenge movie would be like. Epic 3 film trilogy! "
Yar's Revenge: Origins, Yar's Revenge 2: This Time It's Personal and Yar's Revenge 3: The Revenge
#33 Posted by Kenshiro28 (68 posts) -

I...huh?

#34 Posted by buzz_killington (3532 posts) -

I'd rather see more deserving media properties, such as Jungler get the big screen treatment.

#35 Posted by selbie (1991 posts) -

As long as it includes a reference to C3P0's asteroid field line I'll be happy.
"Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1."
"Never tell me the odds!"

#36 Posted by DoctorWelch (2765 posts) -

Someone kill me now.

#37 Posted by Xeiphyer (5614 posts) -

You cant get 2 tickets for $20. Its more like $28. >_>

#38 Posted by jim_dandy (891 posts) -
#39 Posted by Toxin066 (3338 posts) -

The best part of this article was Matt's writing style.

#40 Posted by Red (5994 posts) -

This only bodes well for the success of my Jungler Movie screenplay.

#41 Posted by AuthenticM (3812 posts) -

Sure, I'm all for it.

Online
#42 Edited by Chris2KLee (2339 posts) -

I just want to see the trailer for this. I want to see how they sell this to people as a good idea. Also, I want to see it mashed up with the Inception trailer.

#43 Posted by MormonWarrior (2690 posts) -

I'm holding out for Asteroids 2, where it actually takes elements from Galaxian.

#44 Posted by Dastardly_Do_Wrong_DeDuped (40 posts) -
@Xeiphyer:  all depends on the theater and location of said theater. in my home town its only $6.50 (CDN mind you) per ticket and the screens and sound system are all brand new and decent quality
#45 Posted by Spiritof (2127 posts) -

I hope the Mayan calender is actually right, because we're spent as a civilization.

#46 Posted by NathHaw (2810 posts) -

Will it include vector graphics?

#47 Posted by MordeaniisChaos (5730 posts) -
@ryanwho said:
" I have every bit of confidence this movie could be better than the entire new trilogy. "
OH SNAP! 
But hey, who knows. Could be good, right?
#48 Posted by onarum (2383 posts) -
@FlipperDesert said:
I'm pretty sure you could just extend out the post-Vietnam bit from Forrest Gump and get a pong film.
Heh, indeed, that would be a humongous stretch though ;P
#49 Posted by YukoAsho (2160 posts) -
#50 Posted by WizardShazam (135 posts) -

Can't be any worse than the forthcoming Stretch Armstrong or fucking magic 8-ball movie.  *groan*

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