Everybody needs some lovin', and sometimes the best way to get it is to throw your entire personality out for the world to see, judge, and inevitably reject. This is the giantbomb lonely hearts thread, where users must compose and pitch, in only a few short sentences, their hook unto which the many fish in the sea may bite. The catch is that it must be videogame themed. 

Do you accept this challenge?

 Then go forth.

Beefy space marine seeks alien ship to ride, thursdays only.

Dapper rogue looking for special someone to get from behind for massive crits, must love projectiles. 

Mad man looking for a woman to rub these balls of steel.  Hookers accepted.

Squat Italian seeks princess willing to gobble his mushrooms. Must have cake.

Karate expert looking for a partner to beat and form "friendship" with, fine with ropes, projectiles and spears.

Drowning Doom seeking foul flesh pit to sling their webs.

Strong silent type, with a habit of being the right man in the wrong place.

Slim androgynous male with short term memory loss seeks princess with great destiny (perhaps unknown?), preferably of an unknown civilization to routinly wipe down sword and preform "healing spells" upon request.

You'll love my purple headed staff, because it's epic.

Survivor of zombie apocalypse looks for a female team-mate to shoot some heads with. Heartbeat required. ^^

generic current-day conflict solider seeks companion to boost with every other Tuesday

 Sarcastic shapeshifter searching for rogue to save the kingdom with, maybe activate cheesy love music with montage that shows absolutely nothing.

Multi-dimensional business man seeks shining gem to start resonance cascade with.

The proper spelling is "Giant Bomb". Two words. 
 
If anyone wants to get it on with a grammar nazi, you know where to find me. Remember: I always punctuate.  <3

Human Spectre looking for anything with a pulse, enjoys getting intimate right before I think I'm gonna die

Fallen God seeks beautiful ivory-skinned female with a soothing voice and the ability to look into eyes that betray the presence of truths no mortal can remain sane after beholding, can protect you with the fury of ages past and attempt to comfort you with wise words that don't actually make any sense to anyone including myself. 
 
edit: hello new friends, click "see mini bio" to learn more about this mysterious poster with a respectable post count who you may not have seen before.

Slightly underage female seeks male with no aversion mild pedophilia, perversion, tentacles and akward boob physics.

27 year old man living in mother's basement looking for anything with a heartbeat to cum inside. Pac Man.  
 
Did I do it right? 

"   edit: hello new friends, click "see mini bio" to learn more about this mysterious poster with a respectable post count who you may not have seen before. "

" 27 year old man living in mother's basement looking for anything with a heartbeat to cum inside. Pac Man.   Did I do it right?  "

LFG

Ripped, acrobatic male wanting to be slave to quiet-spoken girl looking for home.

" Slightly underage female seeks male with no aversion mild pedophilia, perversion, tentacles and akward boob physics. "

ಠ_ಠ

" @HS21 said:

" 27 year old man living in mother's basement looking for anything with a heartbeat to cum inside. Pac Man.   Did I do it right?  "

Hey there ;) "

Blue Hedgehog looking for company in female pink hedgehog who will kick off a whole stack of other companions which will start leading my franchise to it's inevitable doom.

" LFG "

Short and silent Spartan looking for a woman that wants to feel my Energy Sword.

M, seeks F to hold hands, fall asleep on benches, run around ancient ruins with. Must like horns, hitting shadows with sticks.

Yellow-pants-wearing, folk-instrument-named bear looking for bird willing to jump in the sack. 

Teenage boy with a fondness for green pointed hats seeks a princess to rescue with his Master Sword. 

Boy Seeks Blob. M with proclivity for wearing shorts seeks tubby, gooey companionship. Must love hugs and jellybeans. Minions of the Emperor need not apply.

Professional monster slayer looking for a sorceress to practice some magic behind the closed doors.

Have huge penis. Also like acrobatics and fighting in WWII.

Small and fast boy made of meat seeks pink female companionship with a Band-Aid fetish.  Must hate doctors and fetuses.

A free man seeks half-Asian pusseh.

Delta-Force operator seeks paranormal female, sexual assault is not permitted.

♥

" 27 year old man living in mother's basement looking for anything with a heartbeat to cum inside. Pac Man.   Did I do it right?  "

Rookie cop looking for female partner. Just got to town and need someone to show me around. We may go for a little overtime. Please no biting.

Recent newcomer to town seeking woman willing to pretend to be dead wife.
 
JS.

" @nintendoeats: Bravo. "

Corrupted New Mombasa AI seeks section 1 ONI operative for urgent data transfer and maybe more.