So much on the plate this week. Pass the gravy!

The past week has been so cluttered and chaotic that Giant Bomb now has a new duder on the staff to cover the news... and another that's leaving. But that's cool since I didn't think Brad Nicholson didn't quite fit well with the rest. He'll be fine, but hey... welcome new dude Patrick Klepek! So far he's not just reporting news, but even breaking news. JOURNALISM!

Snider is the reason for the season.
Anyway, so much happened this week. Whiskey Media went black for a while... and it was awesome. I missed most of the live shows during the Whiskey Media blackout, but what I saw was gold. And then they return and hey, news! Nintendo rumors ahoy, PSN troubles... ahoy, word on a new Giant Bomb home page redesign, Portal 2 talk, and Easter. Easter... yeah that's a big deal, but not in a video game way.

To comment on the PSN debacle, everyone has commented except me, mainly because I don't have anything to do with PSN and it has nothing to do with me. Yet I would be royally pissed off if I had to worry about my personal information being in the hands of unsavory characters. Changing credit card numbers is annoying enough and we've all been there before. But Sony completely dropped the ball and this will hurt the PlayStation brand for the rest of the life of the PS3. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't impact me, but Giant Bomb starlet Killjoi and I were supposed to be Portal 2 robo-buddies over the weekend, but the outage put the kibosh on that until it's resolved. So fuck you Sony as I type this on my Sony VAIO laptop.

Oh and Nintendo has a new console about to be revealed at E3. Personally, I like the timing and I've stated that a Wii 2 or Cafe or Stream or whatever it's called is needed sooner rather than later. Just keep that shit away from IGN, that video game website conglomerate which can't not start a rumor. I want nothing to do with rumors about touch screen controllers and the slightly more (or maybe significantly more) powerful (maybe just as powerful) graphics compared the 360 and/or PS3. Enough already!

Now where's my Cadbury Creme Eggs?

A sporty video game trend of a bygone era.

When I was a young lad, the world was much different. We wore a lot of bright colors (even straight people) and listened to this type of music called grime? Grungy? Dudes in flannel? Anyway, I'm now a bit older and a skosh wiser and games are different. Big budget shooters, massive multiplayer games, DLC, in-game ads, indie, AAA, casual, hardcore, and I can go on and on.

I remember when superstar athletes were starring in their own sports games. Ken Griffey Jr. presented a game called baseball, Bo Jackson knew baseball, and Kobe Bryant took his game courtside. Before getting your mug on the cover on your typical EA Sports or 2K Games sports title was coveted, it was all about the biggest names in sports. If you were among the best athletes in the major sports leagues in America, you were probably offered a ton of money just to star in your own game with maxed out stats just to show how awesome you really are. Tiger Woods still represents, but the giant organizations have taken over the title game. No Albert Pujols Baseball or Peyton Manning's Gridiron Handegg... replaced with generic gibberish like NBA2K90210 and Madden NFL 69. There's a concept in there somewhere... ZombiePie, get to work on that.

So if you had the opportunity to create your own sports game 90s style, who would you want shilling your game? Curt Schilling?

Let the Wii 2 speculation begin!

It's today's biggest story/rumor of the day. The word on the street is that Nintendo is about to show off their new console this year at E3. And that it's coming out next year. Big shocker yeah we know blah blah blah... c'mon now! We knew this was going to happen, right? The Wii is turning 5 this year, developers and publishers are pushing for new hardware, and the Wii is really starting to show its age. A Wii 2 is inevitable, ladies. No need to go apeshit yet.

Wait... nobody is going apeshit yet except for the press with their supposed details and features of the Super Wii. Blu-ray, graphics more powerful than PS3, 3D, crazy new controllers with screens, 1080p, hardcore appeal, and backwards compatibility (actually that one has to be true.) All that is lovely, but we're all waiting for that one innovative nugget of information... like gameplay via mind control or robot buddy. So let's do the world a favor and wait until E3 when Mr. Iwata walks on stage and reveals the next Wii you can control with your heart via some kind of vitality sensing device.

Nothing to see here, folks. Go back to hyping Portal 2.

There has been no advertising for Portal 2.

Portal 2. It's almost here and I know that because I can hear the hordes of Valve fanboys jerking off in the distance... or is that just my neighbor? Anyway, the hype is at critical mass due in large part to people talking about Portal 2 coming out next week. Yes, Valve has been quite mum about the whole thing and not releasing new trailers, screenshots, or placing various Easter eggs throughout numerous games. Yep, Valve hasn't made any effort to push...

Well maybe just a tiny little reminder Portal 2 exists, but that's it. The efforts to get the word out have been lackluster at best and...

Hmm... sly move there, but you're still avoiding the tried and true advertising techniques like billboards and...


You win, Aperture Science. Looks like Gabe will be able to afford that house made of solid gold he always wanted. Well played, good luck, and as always, have Batman.

What do Pokemon taste like?

You all know of the Pokemon, their powers, type, look, color, zodiac sign, etc. But Pokemon are just animals, right? Strange animals, but still living things. Living things we can eat. So what would a Pikachu taste like? How about a Squirtle? Piplups might be pretty delicious deep-fried.

Fun fact: in Korea, the Houndoom is considered a delicacy.

The tastiest Pokemon will get my final copy of World of Goo I've been wanting to get rid of.

How to end the Wii with a bang.

I guess the general consensus is that the Wii is witnessing its first real game drought. Some say it's a sign that a Wii 2 is looming, others might argue the Wii was suffering from a permanent game drought. So how can Nintendo send the Wii off into the sunset? That's why I'm here because I'm a man with suggestions.

  • Take a chance on games that are mad Japanese. The Last Story, Xenoblade, and Pandora's Tower don't quite follow the standard Nintendo style, but we all know the Wii can only benefit from having a wide variety of games across all genres. And even though all of them are considered RPGs according to Giant Bomb and none of these games have much of a chance of success in America, this can be a way to appease disgruntled Wii fans looking for new shit to waggle. I think Nintendo has made some interesting moves in the past with Baten Kaitos and Chibi-Robo arriving late in the Gamecube era so it's not out of the realm of possibility these games will be shipped outside of Japan. There are signs that The Last Story and Xenoblade will be released in America and Pandora's Tower might have Western appeal so I'm hoping these games will close out the Wii's run with games that are the complete opposite of the Wii Sports/Mario deluge we knew and loved. And the best part is they're actually more original than almost anything we've seen come from Nintendo this generation.
  • I can't stress this enough. F-Zero and Star Fox. Fox McCloud and Captain Falcon need work, dammit!
  • Release any and all Virtual Console games that are ready to be unleashed. I've stressed enough in the past about the lack of VC support the past year or two and everybody knows the way to solve the problem is to add more games.
  • Make sure Skyward Sword is amazing! Zelda games are known for their quality, but skeptics will always exist and Zelda skeptics have been vocal about the art style, the combat, and other details... and the lack of information just adds to the skepticism. We Zelda fans expect perfection (because we're assholes) and usually Nintendo gets as close to perfection as they can.
  • One last Wii *insert word* game for the road. We've played sports, played... other games, got ourselves fit, partied hard, and made shitty music together. A few of you even got their chess on. Either revisit one of those or better yet, try something new. Like a sexy game show game for the Wii or something... like if You Don't Know Jack meets Wii Sports and had a baby with the bastard child of Double Dare and Bayonetta... with RPG elements.

I haven't decided if I should e-mail these ideas to Nintendo or to send them via carrier pigeon, but that's not important. What's important is family, friends, and money. Especially money. Money you can use to buy happiness in the form of meth.

  • Forgot one. You can blow up your Wii with explosives. Boom goes the dynamite?

Contemplating a Team Fortress garage sale.

Trading has slowly become a nuisance for me and it's all because of one item.

You have hat made from little buddy.
I have one of the more coveted hats in Team Fortress 2, a level 100 Max's Severed Head. And since I do flaunt my hat around like I'm awesome, that means people want to trade. And get pissed when I refuse. It's weird how some Team Fortress 2 hats became more valuable than the game you need to use the damn headgear, but people are strange and stupid. So I'm thinking about taking advantage of said stupidity and considering trading my severed head for some loot. If you're interested, throw out an offer and I'll reject it... unless it's a juicy offer.

And just to make it official, here's what I owns.

And with that said, the stuff that people will part with to score a rare hat in Team Fortress 2 is scary and confusing to me. Now I have no problem with accessorizing your dudes (or your lady Pyro?) but when I hear stories of people paying good money for the rarest of items, I ask myself this simple question.

Goodnight everyone.


What's with the potatoes?

And why did they show up in my game
April 1st is the day of the liar, the asshole, and the motherfucker, but it's also a day when the internet tries to be funny. Sometimes it works, sometimes it fails, often it fails. Steam had some fun today with several updates which added things like "bugs" and "better ammo" in Super Meat Boy. Team Meat went a step further with Tofu Boy's more tolerant brother, Potato Boy. After a minute of play, I realized he's like a slightly faster Tofu Boy. 

He'd make a great plate of fries someday. 

And now, my final thought.

  • Long John Silver's is still nasty shit. It's a good thing I only venture into one of those places once every 3 or 4 years.
  • We should finally release Rebecca Black into the wild to roam free without any interaction with the internet and society. She's starting to blend in and make light of her awful, awful song. It's been fun and she made some cash out of the deal, but let's move on.
  • Giant Bomb looks only mildly different. Subtle, yet sleek.
  • That Saints Row: The Third trailer was appropriate and hilarious. I like how it's becoming more and more like the anti-GTA. If THQ can make a half-decent port of it on the PC, they might have my money. Maybe.
  • Note to the staff: fix the chat, please. You already know that, but it must be drilled in your heads.
Have a fun fun fun fun Friday... and Saturday. Sunday comes afterwards. And Monday after that.

Who really is Batman?

I'm Batman.

No. I'm Batman.

I'm Batman.

You're not Batman.

It is I who am Batman.

I'm Bat Boy!

I'm Cat Man!

We're Batman!

I'm Batmin.

I'm Bradman!

I'm awesome.

I'm Batman.

Really, I'm Batman.

I'm hungry.

Fuck this blog!
And fuck April Fools' Day! 
And finally, I'm Batman.