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Winter is Coming

Possibly the most appropriate list in these hot Summer months. A typically topical tropical list, you might say. If you're a jerk.

So yeah, these are games that are threatened in some way by an endless winter or a sudden cold snap, just like in that super popular and stellar piece of entertainment The Day of Thrones After Tomorrow's Game. Watch Dennis Quaid of the Night's Watch save his son Peter Dinklage from the ravages of global cooling. I think I have that right?

List items

  • Max Payne seems to be a thing again these days, so what better place to start this list than with the original, back when Max Payne was still a fibre-deficient nipper just starting out on his grand journey of analgesic-dependencies and horrible (and horribly interactive) hallucinations. The first game, as you might recall, is set during the worst snowstorm NYC has ever seen.

  • Indigo Prophecy is set during the worst snowstorm NYC has ever seen. Uh, since the one in Max Payne, I guess. This one is treated as fairly apocalyptic, with radio emergency broadcasts telling folks to say goodbye to their loved ones towards the end-game. It'd be touching if it wasn't bookended with undead Matrix telekinesis fights and a gratuitous sex scene that also involves corpses. Weirdest thing David Cage's ever done, besides that remastered HD version of "Don't Shit Your Pants".

  • The magi-mechanical empire of Gohtza (goatse?) is a Steampunk paradise right out of Final Fantasy (I'm thinking IX and Lindblum), with an infectiously optimistic atmosphere of invention and hope for the future. But, because this game is sadness porn, something untoward happens to this interesting place almost as soon as you arrive. Namely, the bastard child of a nuclear bomb and a Snow Cone machine. Truly the two most devastating inventions of the modern era.

  • Ocarina of Time's Hyrule goes through some changes while Link's dozing away for seven years. Castle Town gets the worst of it, with the populace changing from ugly polygon people to headrape zombies, but other areas go through some bad shit too. Specifically for this list, the frozen-over Zora lands. That's a lot of sushi to defrost.

  • Shortbus superstar Atsuma and his magical apocalypse arm accidentally awaken the Ice Queen, a "God"-like artificial being that proceeds to seduce the only intelligent person in a magical school of geniuses and transforms the rest of the place (and the city it sits in) into a big old popsicle. Not the most auspicious start for our dumb hero, but when do JRPG hometowns ever get a break?

  • Talking of JRPGs, Secret of Mana's frozen land is a fairly standard set-up: Once normal arctic region gets extra chilly due to evil interference. It's notable, though, for its inclusion of Santa Claus as a horrific frost gigas that tries to stomp your party. If Santa isn't safe from the bad guys, what chance do the heroes have?

  • Transarctica's a bastard-hard game from the early computer gaming era - a train simulator based on a French novel series about a devastating nuclear winter. As the chief of a sun-worshipping cult (how many games let you lead a cult? Don't say Lemmings), your job is to find a way to bring the sun back from behind its permanent cloud cover. Not making this task any easier is the big rival corporation that owns almost all the remaining railroads and the herds of wild mammoth that have inexplicably reappeared. It's possible they've been hiding all these years. Hiding behind what, though?

  • Banjo Kazooie's Click Clock Wood blew me away as a kid (well, teen). This was a stage that had four distinctive variations based on seasonal shifts, with the latter Winter stage being a hazardous frozen wonderland. There was even a couple of narratives to follow as the seasons pass, such as the fates of a lazy squirrel and a baby bird. Uncharacteristically for a Rare platformer, there's also a bunch of shiny shit everywhere to collect too.

  • Zanarkand's not so much frozen than simply desolate; a grim remnant of an ancient war. What is frozen is the city's big iceberg full of Fayth - the spirits of Zanarkand's remaining deceased forever encased in ice crystal and dreaming dreams of Spira's devastation. While they (and their leader, Yu Yeven) were responsible for Sin's endless cycle of destruction, their worst creation was the Zanarkandian Tidus. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. First these icebergs sink our infeasibly giant ships, now they're summoning blond idiots? I guess it's a good thing they're all disappearing, then.

  • The validity of Silent Hill's refrigerated representation in Shattered Memories is, like everything else in that series, largely up for debate. The "other world" version of Silent Hill tends to be different for whoever's experiencing it, a sort of personally-tailored metaphysical hell that the town occasionally subjects its visitors to whenever it gets bored of just fog and tension-building. No doubt the ice in this game is deeply symbolic in some way. I really ought to play it.

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Wait a minute...there's a post apocalyptic train simulation video game?

I must find a copy of this!